With only 30 minutes left to go everybody's running around like crazy meth-addicts looking for that shard of 'Tina they lost in the carpeting.... and time is up!

Here comes India Hicks, and tagging along is the ever-sassy pottery-genius Jonathan Adler, cougarriffic Margaret Russell... and tonight Kelly Worstler has dressed up as a French Prostitute (complete with extra fake crimpy weave and a raspberry sequined berét!)...

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...Prince would be so proud of you, Kelly....

First up to be judged is Team Bruises, with Black-Eye Daniel and Downtown Shazia Brown (fug dress by Andrae Gonzalo)...

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...They called it "Political Turmoil"... I called it "Buncha Broken Glass"...

Right away Jonathan Adler gets a very puzzled look on his face and wants to know what the damn concept was, and Nathan launches into "gray moments in time" and "not knowing where we are politically" and how it all moves into that ugly sad-sack dress... clearly Jonathan's not buying any of it...

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...Jonathan's Bullshit-O-Meter is clanging loud and clear...

Kelly says that it needs a set of Cliff's Notes to go with it, and questions the ethnic touches with some of the jewelry on the mannequin and some of the lamps they chose. Downtown Shazia Brown jumps right into the lake of cowshit as she explains they actually chose these touches "partially because in current events you're always hearing about Pakistan and what's happening in the Eastern countries, and how this dress that represents change can fuse the East and the West together!" Huh? Shazzie's talking out her ample ass again.

Margaret The Shit-Starter asks Andrae if this is the vision he had... and he says truthfully it is not, but in his favor he points out that the whole reason why you collaborate is to get a different point of view. Oh, and to make sure they respect your wicker-phobias.

Next up is Team Estrogen, with SexOndineCity and Nasal Natalie (Grapelberry Push-Up Pop Dress by Sweet P)...

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...They called it "Butterfly Emerging"... I call it "Shining Vagina"...

Honestly I thought this looked like a Scrapbooker's dream with all the cutesy butterflies everywhere, and the way they tacked back a corner of the dress to the wall it looks like it got caught there unintentionally. Jonathan, however, thinks that was a brilliant idea (and it was Nasal Nat's brilliant idea, no less). I'm also not sure why they illuminated her vaginal area the way they did, but Sweet P just loves it and thinks they all did great girly-girl-powery-power things together, and the girls all jump up and down in a circle and squeal at one another. Barf-O-Rama!

Ohhh, it's time for Team Chub'N'Chaser, with Big Daddy Kerry and Whatisit, (stunningly original black-on-black clothing by Jeffrey Sebaceous Glands) and you can tell right away that Big Daddy is feeling pretty down about this, his voice sounds listless and tired and he looks embarrassed...

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...They called it "Blade Runner"... I call it "Copyright Infringement"...

Right away Hooker Kelly wants to know why they blacked out the two side windows... Big Daddy tries to play it off like it was part of the original "kaleidoscope" plan, but I don't think Kelly's really convinced. She inquires after the glass beads and baubles and bowls, and wants to know what their reference point is. Whatisit quite honestly says they have no reference point, they're just there to add "sparkle" and "visual interest". India asks Jeffrey The Asshat if this is his vision, and like the dickface he is, he automatically says no, it's not... Big Daddy's face is quite plain...

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..."Yew scrawny little ayasshowull."...

And can you blame him? Jeffrey insisted upon using a movie reference that neither of them knew (hell, the only reason why I know what "Blade Runner" is is because I used to have kind of a crush on Harrison Ford before he hit his 70's and started fucking loosely-bound bundles of twigs named "Calista") and he's just an all around wizened saggy ball-sac with a dirty 70's-porn mustache and nasty neck-tats. And Charles Manson hair.

Awaiting the adulation they are certain they will receive is Team Short'N'Skinny, with Eddie BaueRoss and Twiggy Teresa (V for Vendetta Dress by Satantino)...

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...They called it "Venice At Night"... I call it "Scary Bitch On The Ho Stroll"...

Top Design: How Much Is That Fugly In The Window? Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10 

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Comments (19)

zbird:

I'm soooo sad that Big Daddy got sent home and I call shenanigans! Whatsit/waitoozie/whatchamacallit gave nothing, NOTHING, to that challenge but BD gets sent home? Nooooo!

It's a crap decision, not to mention the message it sends out to the world: Whatever you do, don't take responsibility for it. BD should have just stayed quiet, but he "manned up" and owned his responsibility. What a bunch of a-holes those judges are.

Actually, I thought all of the windows were crap and looked like they were designed by middle school students for their current drama production. Nathan & Shazia’s was worse than Big Daddy’s, but I actually think that Eddie & Teresa’s was the worst of all – really cheesy and literal and amateurish.

Alas, we don’t get a say in the contest, so I guess I should either stop watching or stop whining.

Nah.

Great recap as always, J-Mo. Your accents are my favorite part!

arizonatom:

J-Mo;

I just lurve the title of this recap! Fuglies on sale - come one, come all.

While I love seeing the shirtless pics of Prettyboy and hope he stays (and keeps undressing) until the very last, I sure hated seeing Big Daddy go home. It would have been fun for it to have ended up having Kerry and Preston battling for the title.

As ever, a wonderful job done by my favorite fat-hairy-gay-boy-blogger!

Lots O' Love

Pegster:

I was shocked, SHOCKED that they sent Big Daddy home. Should have been Shazia. All she's done is ruin materials, make a couch look like it was made of cellulate, fail to understand the concept of gravity, and hide behind her fellow contestants. Besides, she's boring.

Now Wisit, on the other hand, is my fav reality contestant in a looooong time. Do you think he even knows he's on television? I actually did a pause & rewind on the PREVIEW of him trying to hold up that mirror. He tickles my funny bone. I hope he stays a long time!!

pixiegal262:

arizonatom, I totally agree with you. Prettyboy should stay until the very end but be forced to not wear a shirt during all of the work periods of the show. *sigh* If only he were straight...damn you gays, throw one our way some time :P.

I will miss Ker-Bear. I loved him so much and he was so sweet. I think Shazia should have gone as she doesn't really do anything, ever. Wisit looked totally depressed about it though, so I can't get pissed at him for anything.

By the way, does anyone else think it's weird that three of the judges are all squashed up on one couch? I found that such an odd set-up considering this is an interior design show and it is so not aesthetically pleasing to see three adults squeezed onto one couch.

chask70:

Thanks for the GREAT RECAP!! It's a real bummer that Big Daddy was sent packing. While I agree with what another poster about 'WHATISIT' being good television, he does remind me of an Asian Houseboy that Alex and Simon Social Climber (Real Housewives of NYC) might employ, to help with their posturing on their journey to the top. :)

sayhuh:

pixiegal262, be careful what you wish for. They might decide to throw Eddie our way...

J-Mo, you're our macaroni and cheese. Mwa.

caraneagle@hotmail.com:

I am as horrified as can be over BD's eviction, even being pre-aware of the time table (or not, I'm not admitting a thing) At any rate, IMHO it should have been Shazia &/or any of those other idiots and not Kerry. Period. The producers/judges scrooged the pooch on this one big time. Let's hope there's a "Fan Favorite" prize we can give him. Seriously.

Carawatches2muchTV:

SO UNFAIR! That's what you get for being a decent (and talented) guy?! Really?! No WAY was that window Kerry's fault! Or even the worst! Really? Broken mirrors? And seriously, why is Shazia still there? Clearly the producers/judges have miscalulated. Please.... if given the chance.... *Repeat after me* I vote for Kerry for "Fan Favorite". (God-willing we get the chance)

rubinia:

It seemed pretty clear that Shazia was going to go home after India said something to her like, "We have no compelling reason to keep you." So don't keep her! *sniff*

detinha:

**sad**sad**
Big Daddy was soooo funny and gracious! Wisit makes me laugh, but his "RoCaCa" idea blew everything off!

Who thinks that the wicker basket would help in anything the horrible dress and window? Wasn't Andre the one with those endless stories about Paris Hilton boyfriend, blah, blah, blah?

Pixiegal, I also think is funny to see the judges in one couch and India by herself in one chair, maybe they should give her a white cat that she can pet while judging! LOL

Thanks for the recap and laughs, my darling J-Mo!

**Mwah**

Pixiegal262:

sayhuh: ew...I agree. Nevermind. But I'm claiming George Clooney, even though he's a "dedicated bachelor".

skies:

Those designer dresses were really fug, some more than others. If it's possible, Jeffery is even more disgusting than he was on P.R. I still think he cheated to win.
I'm so bummed Big Daddy got sent home. He did the noble thing by falling on the sword for Whatsit and his reward was being canned. It so should have been Whosit or Shasta.
Great recap. It's always good for a lot of laughs.

sayhuh:

OK, now that I have time to post longer:

- That sucked. I want Big Daddy back. Maybe next week, after Eddie sniffles "I work with THE BEST!" to that guy who doesn't seem to give a shit who Martha Stewart is, his head will explode and then they'll have to bring back Big Daddy a la Chris March in Project Runway. But first, I really really want to see that hissy fit.

- I actually liked Team Bitter's window, and if I did look like Marta Sánchez (I know, you mentioned her forever ago,) and had her money, I would totally wear the Phlegmy Phloating Phrock. Not without thinking "ew", you know, now that I have read your take on it. But seriously, that Marta Sánchez love? You should check out Miguel Bosé. Same era, same style of music (although I like his a lot more), but from my perspective and (I assume) yours, he's a lot hotter.

- Thank you again for the Prettyboy shirtless photo. You sure know how to keep your readers happy. Bravo editors need to be more careful, though. Or else they're getting us ready for Halloween. That quick jump between shirtless Preston and shirtless Nathan was a total "BOO!" moment.

- Is there ANYONE left in this show with a really funny accent now, J-Mo? I demand they get a Danish designer next...

itchy:

Hey, J-mo, I think you're becoming my favorite recapper-- I just read through your recaps of the last three episodes (well, I'm supposed to be working, see...) and they're a hoot. Hell, they even convinced me to watch the show (thanks, youtube!). Keep up the great work!

Truly sorry for the BD loss --although I suspect there's a smell ol' fish coming...in a couple of weeks, one of the other hacks, er, I mean, designers, are going to hurt themselves on a scissors and have to leave the show...and back comes Big Daddy...

Can't believe how untalented these people are. It's like the mirror universe to the current season of Project Runway. Without Kenley's weird teeth to hold my fascination.

flowie623:

Great recap! I totally was thinking about the wire hangers when Andrae was wigging out about the wicker!

Did anybody else notice how much Jeffrey is looking like Tom Green?

And as for Santino's dress my co-worker walked up behind me and saw the picture and said "oh I watched that movie last night"! LOL

lostinqueenanne:

Great episode and recap!

Did anyone see A-List and Mr. Schroeder at the Emmy's last night?!? I just caught her in the back of the screen while Ryan was talking to Eva Longoria or something.

SHE WAS WEARING THE YELLOW DRESS!

Hmmm...maybe she did purchase that dress in 30 seconds!

juddfan:

Do they do exit interviews on this show, coz I'd love to hear what Rabid Sphinctermouth Fuckstain Pusbag Needledick Twatbreath Robert has to say for himself!!!

Too funny, J-mo, you're the gayest recapper of all and you hold my heart in your hand--now squeeze hard and end this misery called life where all the guys I lust are straight (Sean Astin, James Gandolfini, and that guy from "Worst Week"-how cruel to have him all over on billboards posing all sexy in his trash bag diaper) and beautiful talented people like Big Daddy (and Stella and Terry) get eliminated before cannon fodder like Downtown and Whatsit ( and Suede and Joe) Make it stop!!! Only you can save me, J-mo, squeeze!!!!

LNNC92:

lostinqueenanne -- I totally saw Mrs. Schroeder rocking the yellow dress on the Emmy's - too funny!

These recaps crack me up and I am sad for the loss of Big Daddy. Whatsit and Shazia need to be gone already.

Oh and JMo - they did a Top Chef/Top Design crossover last season...Big Daddy Tom was the guest judge for the challenge which was to create a chef's table for him...

J-Mo:

zbird... I totally agree with you, Big Daddy got screwed by a lot of things, mostly being a stand-up guy (and being saddled with the Whimsical Whatisit) and I do think all the windows looked shitty, too! Oh, and thanks!

arizonatom... I'd like to see Prettyboy and Big Daddy fighting for love... love to you, too!

Pegster... I agree about Shazzie-ma-Nazzie, she's stayed way past her skill level.

pixiegal262... I think that India Hicks gets her own chair possibly because she's probably a lot richer than Jon-Jon, Maggie or Kelly... but I could be wrong... maybe she smells and no one wants to sit next to her.

chask70... LOL about Whatisit being Gaysian Houseboy for Alex & Simon! And thank you!

sayhuh... you took the words right out of my mouth... and thanks, I love being creamy and cheesy and really very easy! :)

caraneagle@hotmail.com/Carawatches2muchTV... I agree with you, if there is a Fan Favorite prize to be awarded, I say it goes to Big Daddy, too!

rubinina... word t'ya mutha! That's the truth, Ruth!

detinha... you're welcome as always... :)

skies... I'm with you, Jeffrey is a vile human being, and his acting like an asshole has had dire consequences on his "fashion career" (serves him right, too). And thank you!

sayhuh... I didn't think about that, but that would be fabulous if it happened that way! I'll take a pound of Big Daddy any day over the entire wealth of Eddie BaueRoss... and no, sadly, I think I'm about out of accents (unless I want to break the 's' key on my keyboard putting in all the sibiliants that Eddie hisses when he lisps...

itchy... wow, that is a great compliment, and I'm so happy you're enjoying my hacky work here (there are a LOT of great writers here, seriously, you're too kind) and I agree with you, the talent seems rather haphazard (much like "Runway" is)...

flowie623... thank you, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who constantly sees "Mommie Dearest" connections in everything...

lostinqueenanne... NOOOOOO, I didn't see that, does anyone have pictures or know where we can find them? That bitch! Thanks for the tip and your kind kudos! :)

juddfan... yay for gay! And no I will not destroy your heart, we must be strong and carry on in the face of this Dearth Of Cute Fellas We Like On TV, K? Be strong, sistah! :)

LNNC92... OMG, you are so totally right, and I can't believe I forgot all about that challenge (especially how much everything sucked there, too). I hang my head in shame...

Thanks for all the comments you guys, you make my week brighter!

love, J-Mo :)

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