Offices, as a rule, suck as far as interior design goes. Unless you're Anna Wintour (editor of Vogue) or Diane Von Furburger (famously accented fashion designer) or Martha Stewart (God), you pretty much are stuck with a room that has all the personality and sex-appeal of a wad of gum stuck under the conference room table. That is, if you actually have an office... with an actual door... for those of us not in management who are stuck with cubicles, it's a helluva lot worse, and you actual-office-people need to stop bitching. Working in a cubicle is like living in an ice-tray or a fluorescent lighting fixture... it's too bright, too cold, and everyone can see when you're hung over by the way you've slumped over your keyboard and are currently shorting it out with your drool-flow...
...when you need some of the hair of the ALT key that bit you...
Well, Office-Slaves of the World, rejoice! Tonight's episode of Top Design shows you just how much eco-friendly decorating you can do with some time, ingenuity and stolen ideas from Black-Eye Nathan! We're all gonna just turn green (albeit for different reasons) after the jump!
We're gonna start right off with Eddie FuckeRoss reminding us of his BitchAssNess Quotientâ„¢ as he expounds on last week's winning near-sweep by Nathan, "It's like, I really really do wanna win, but if I don't win I'm already so successful, like, Martha only hires the best, so, right then and there if I don't win... *shrugs*"
...just in case there is going to be a "Fan Favorite Award" for this show...
Um, yeah, she didn't do such a hot job of hiring a great stock-broker in 2001, did she, huh, Eddie? I'm beginning to seriously wonder if he isn't playing up the role of Odious Villain because he thinks that his job with Martha Stewart exempts him from having to seek design work after this show is over... because his level of assholery is skating right off the top of the charts and it seems like he might want to keep in mind that his consistent use of Martha's brand as a bludgeon and justification for being a dickface may be reflecting poorly on her organization.
Meanwhile, Silver Spoon Andrea is feeling an ever-deepening sense of self-doubt about her skills as a designer since she's not coming from "an educational background" and says the bulk of her experience has come from "on-the-job training". I'm thinking that somebody (Eddie) has replaced the pills in her Zoloft prescription with Pez or Smarties or something, because I can't reconcile this frightened blonde Ball 'O' Depression with the haughty diva from the first four episodes. Buck up, Andrea! Nasal Natalie is just as much of a hack as you are!
It's time to leave the Union Lofts, and they just can't leave fast enough for Eddie "Bette" Ross as he spews, "All right, let's get the fuck out of this dump! Look at this dump! Look at this disgusting dump of an apartment we live in!" I'm thinking the Top Design editors hate Eddie, too, because this is the shot they cut to while he's complaining about the "dump" they're forced to live in...
...I have friends whose entire apartments are smaller than this...
I'm beginning to wish that instead of "Fan Favorite" there really was a "Biggest Asshat" award, and that the "winner" of this award would have to pay $10,000.00 to the charity of Bravo's choice (such as Jeffrey Sebelia, for example... he looks like he could use some clothes from a newer decade... like the 80's or 90's).
Over in the Top Design Studio, the designers are greeted by India Hicks and today's guest judge, Danny Seo, who is a sweet little Gaysian and touted by India as "America's leading lifestyle authority on modern eco-friendly living." He's also cute as a (recycled biodegradable) button, too...
...Danny's the pretty version of Hobosexual (© Flipit 2008)...
I had never heard of Danny before, so I looked up some info on wikipedia (which could be semi-accurate) and his personal blog (probably more accurate) and it seems he's been a little green-ass spitfire since he was just a teen, he's written a bunch of books, appeared on Oompah, and has done some other television (CBS Early Show and HGTV) so he sounds like he's got his green thang goin' on!
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Comments (13)
Don't have time to read all right now, just the opening paras, but I gotta get this off my chest...
My god, that Eddie guy is without a doubt the MOST ANNOYING ASSHOLE EVER TO GRACE REALITY TELEVISION.
I mean, there have been some pretty obnoxiously aweful people on tv, but they usually had at least one redeeming feature, or at least made for good television.
But this guy? My god. And you know what I hate the most about him? His weird mouth/lip thing --it even looks like a sphincter the way it seems to pucker up all the time.
I say we all start a letter writing campaign to the Martha Stewart rag, get his ass canned. But then, they're probably already aware of his...eh....personality.
1 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 15, 2008 1:57 AM
Nooooooo..... bring back my little Wizzit!!! How will I go on without him?!
PS. Eddie is a twat and I hope Nathan gets him without lube for stealing his glory.
2 of 13 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 15, 2008 4:28 AM
NOT Whatisit!!
OMG, now I'm really depressed. Sigh!
J-Mo, it's time for you to call in some connections and arrange for Eddie to fall out a window so Whatisit can be brought back.
As always, awesome recap,
Love ya,
Yenta
3 of 13 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on October 15, 2008 6:19 AM
Thanks for giving me some giggles in the early morning, J-Mo! I liked Wisit but his room was really boring. Nasal Nat will probably be next to go. I actually kind of thought that the fabric colored boards were an interesting idea but it ended up looking like a dorm room. Go Nathan!
4 of 13 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on October 15, 2008 6:53 AM
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I am in a Wisitless funk. I watched the end of this show on my couch, curled in a ball, muttering, "Not my Wisit! Not my Wisit!", over and over again.
And ditto on the Eddie hate. The only good thing about having him on my tv is getting to read the numerous versions of his name I get to read in your recap.
I'm betting his actions are not pleasing Martha. Here's hoping he gets to hit the unemployment line because of his douchienss.
5 of 13 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on October 15, 2008 8:31 AM
Shitdick is going to become my new favorite swear word. I've been trying to suppress my giggles in my little corner of the office so people don't look at me funny. And that word does describes Eddie wonderfully. I love how he called Andrea's room shitty when HE picked everything out. Did you see the previews for next week? They show his buttcrack again. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick Bravo, would you stop that! They may be torturing us on purpose cause they think they're funny.
Poor little Wisit. Seriously, that was a great dramatic exit. But yea, his room was worse than Nat's.
You are right about Ondine looking kind of beat up. She doesn't even brush her hair. Every time she's on screen I think to myself "buy a fucking comb!"
6 of 13 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:03 AM
OMG, that was awes!!!! Absolu splend!!!! Stupen!!! and you had me laughing like a fool. I, for one, was absolu floored by Eddie's diarys, and the sneering, "Ew, ew, ew" and then dissing the shi out of his client . . . like you say, Jmo, doesn't he realize he's on TV! How could he call Seth's bro a dork, even if he's not as yum as his bro . . . he is just low, but, I dunno, I kind of enjoyed his open c*ntyness, it was like the gloves were off and he wasn't holding back for nothin'!!!
Lame, lame, lame that he didn't credit Black eye, esp with the rug thing, as you say, again, Jmo, ah, isn't paper free more green, that be lots of memo space . . .
I'm thinking Beige Spoons will go next, she's out of her league, like so many have been, but Nat seems to be educated at least . . . that one pic with the blush looks like her head was stripped on, but badly . . . . is it me!?
Anyway, love to the Jmo, and lastly, recycle bins . . . they sooooo don't know a thing about it, ridonk!!!
7 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 15, 2008 4:47 PM
Great recap! Smile at my monitor good. Eddie is a douche.
8 of 13 | Posted by oldmomoftoddlerboys | Posted on October 15, 2008 6:25 PM
Oh my, JMo! You give good recap my love. I'm cracking up at some of these comments too, especially JuddFan's Absolu splend!!!! Stupen!!!
LOL. You are def awes, J.
Your screencaps completely slay me, especially this one, which is just so, so apt "...I bet Nathan calls this piece "Down With Vaginas!..."
Perf!
I'm gonna miss little Whatisit too. He was so adorable! Eddie Pantyross is such a little douchnozzle! (That's right, I said panty, my most hated word -- that's how much I loathe him). I agree with Pegster that the only good thing about having him on the show is getting to read your hilarious remodelings of his name.
9 of 13 | Posted by zbird | Posted on October 15, 2008 6:50 PM
Whatzit just made my skin crawl...just too icky for me. J-mo really summed him up for me with this: "Whatisit's cotton-candy mind " --except, I had the feeling that ALL of him was cotton-candy, the nasty end bits that stick to your fingers for the rest of the goddamn day and end up giving you a rash because of all the nasty chemicals in there.
That, and he doesn't really seem to know anything at all about design. Even his drawings were like smoke.
But I don't know if any of these people know anything about interior design -- even's Nathan's office was an ugly cluttered mess.
And since I'm unfettered by any lustful thoughts here (since I'm hetero, and there just ain't no hot girls on this show...well, I liked that weird judge with the funny hats, what happened to her), I can say that all these people suck and it makes me wonder if they're not all tanking their careers.
But I really really really hope that Mister Sniffs his own shit-stained fingers gets canned from his job...
10 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:57 PM
a splen thanks, zbird! Forgot to mention black eye's work of anti-feminist art!!!! Nailed on the head, that one!!!
Also forgot to mention how much I enjoyed the operatic goodbye to Whatsit, hope he gets a job with that, as he left it open for someone to swoop him up!!!! I can't be too sorry he's gone, as he's responsible for the demise of Big Daddy, speaking of lustful thoughts!!!!
11 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 16, 2008 12:52 PM
Seriously, Martha Stewart needs to rethink her hiring practices. Eddie is beyond douchiness.
12 of 13 | Posted by skies | Posted on October 17, 2008 8:31 AM
J-Mo;
"Awes" ... I just LOVE that!
Great recap, as always! You always find the hidden gems that I miss when I watch it.
I am SO sick of Eddie, I could just hurl whenever I look at him. He is the king of granny-panties and granny-design. Maybe he does wonders with Turtle Hill, but he still designs like an old bag, for an old bag (no way am I going to say "lady" for either of them.
Sadly, I do think that Whisit did do the worst job this week. He is funny and cute, but I don't think he has enough talent. Nat's excuse is that she's young, but she still has some kinda-cool ideas - she'll probably up with Andrea to go next week though.
Here's hoping for mor pics of PrettyBoy Preston without his shirt! Can't wait for next week.
Lots O' Love
13 of 13 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on October 17, 2008 6:21 PM