Eddie is, of course, horrified that they have to re-use everything within the room as he whines "This carpet is absolutely DUH-sguting... and everything about this room is so disgusting! This thing is like, out-of-control ugly!" Hey Captain Obvious, Jed's not blind, they know the office is disgusting, that's the whole point of you being there, so there's no need to beat him over the head with how nasty everything is. Oh, but he doesn't stop at complaining and talking shit about the room itself as he interviews "I have to work with a really disgusting desk... and a client... who is just a dork!"...

EddieDirty101208.JPG
...at least the dork looked clean and had nice smooth skin...maybe the Edster should make a trip to the Clinique counter sometime...

Jed Rogen tells Eddie that what he wants is for the new office to be "funky". This displeases Edmajesty further as he privately bitches "Ugh, that's a word I just hate... 'funky'... it sounds like it should smell... like 'Oooh, that's funky!'... ((**sniffs own fingers**))... Ew!" Yes, Eddie WebsteRoss, actually that is a word that means "smelly" (as well as "mental depression") and I have just two words that perfectly describe his nastybitchy tone (it's actually a quote from F. Murray Abraham's character Chris in the 1970's classic film The Ritz): Pisselegant fairy.

I actually have two other words for him as well, but let's move on and see what our gentle Whatisit is up to...

WisitRichard101208.JPG
...note the basketball-hoop halo over our sweet angel's head...

It turns out Richard runs the entire office and has staff meetings in his own office all the time. Weirdly enough, Whatisit (for once) seems to be listening to Richard talking in Real-Time as he notes "From-what-I-ga-ther-up-from-Ri-chard-I-sense-that-he-wants-a-ver-y-mas-cu-line-space...but-I-am-not-the-type-of-per-son-who-wants-to-con-form-to-oth-ers-so-I'm-try-ing-to-think-of-ways-to-ex-press-my-style-with-in-the-con-fines-of-the-chal-lenge!" Eeeeeeee, the two words I have the hardest time keeping in a sentence together are "Whatisit" and "masculine" (and "masculine" is struggling to leave this entire paragraph as we speak)...

Silver Spoon Andrea slouches her way into her new client's office...

AndreaTracy101208.JPG
...Andrea is jealously eyeing Tracy's perky ones...

Tracy says that her space is the reception area, so it needs to be "warm and welcoming" with robust earth-tones. Basically, mud-colored? I dunno, but Andrea says her mind (like lightning) goes right towards "space-planning" and she immediately enlists Tracy's help in moving the desks around (with great difficulty) to try and figure out how to place everything... I guess Andrea's energy-level is still on a major low...

Ahhhhh, here's a more welcome sight... Prettyboy Preston!

PrestonJoe101208.JPG
...bowm-chika-bow-bow!...

His client Joe is an Environmental Consultant who works mostly on recycling drinking water and says he'd like a "blue or 'water-colored'" palate... isn't clean "water-color" supposed to be clear? Too bad lucite isn't so environmentally friendly. Crap, and neither is Saran Wrap! Anyhow, Preston believes he and Joe are on the same taste page.

Last up is SexOndineCity...

OndineJoe101208.JPG
...I kinda wish Joe wasn't playing pocket-pool while greeting Miss Ondine...

Yes, Joe is also Ondine's client, and she's gonna get to redesign their conference room. You know, I don't know what working on "Sex And The City" did to our Lady O, but I find it harder and harder to believe that she and I are the same age, cuz she looks kinda hard... maybe she and Eddie should go visit Clinique together... Anyhow, she's using grey, blue and white as her color scheme. Just what the employees will need, another conference room that induces somnolencezzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Now that they've all been given keys to their respective office spaces, they're off to The Loft, which sells fabric remants by the $2 pound (mmmm, nothing like the smell of bulk), where they have 45 minutes and $100 to blow... everything is in giant mismatched boxes and rolls, and it looks a lot like my linen closet. Prettyboy grabs denim and pinstripes to achieve the "business suit masculine" look he's going for, while Andrea says she's looking for "hippie-chic prints" and flowers, and her face as she describes "hippie-chic" made me giggle...

AndreaHippieChic101208.JPG
...I guess in AndreaWorld, this is an authentic "hippie-chic" face...

Guess who's whining again? NO, it's not me (ok, well, not just me) but Eddie HayFeveRoss, whose delicate and highly-refined nasal passages are being irritated by all the remnant-dust... "I need a benadryl! I'm having an allergic reaction!" He further complains "Some fabric looked like it was left over from making granny-panties..." You oughtta know, Eds, you're the one whose grandmother is your biggest design influence! And again with using the word "panties"! Stop it! He's walking through the section touching random fabrics and saying "Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew!" My thoughts exactly, 'cept I'm not talking 'bout the fabrics...

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Comments (13)

itchy:

Don't have time to read all right now, just the opening paras, but I gotta get this off my chest...

My god, that Eddie guy is without a doubt the MOST ANNOYING ASSHOLE EVER TO GRACE REALITY TELEVISION.

I mean, there have been some pretty obnoxiously aweful people on tv, but they usually had at least one redeeming feature, or at least made for good television.

But this guy? My god. And you know what I hate the most about him? His weird mouth/lip thing --it even looks like a sphincter the way it seems to pucker up all the time.

I say we all start a letter writing campaign to the Martha Stewart rag, get his ass canned. But then, they're probably already aware of his...eh....personality.

Snootchy Bootches:

Nooooooo..... bring back my little Wizzit!!! How will I go on without him?!


PS. Eddie is a twat and I hope Nathan gets him without lube for stealing his glory.

yentapatrol:

NOT Whatisit!!

OMG, now I'm really depressed. Sigh!

J-Mo, it's time for you to call in some connections and arrange for Eddie to fall out a window so Whatisit can be brought back.

As always, awesome recap,

Love ya,
Yenta

rubinia:

Thanks for giving me some giggles in the early morning, J-Mo! I liked Wisit but his room was really boring. Nasal Nat will probably be next to go. I actually kind of thought that the fabric colored boards were an interesting idea but it ended up looking like a dorm room. Go Nathan!

Pegster:

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I am in a Wisitless funk. I watched the end of this show on my couch, curled in a ball, muttering, "Not my Wisit! Not my Wisit!", over and over again.

And ditto on the Eddie hate. The only good thing about having him on my tv is getting to read the numerous versions of his name I get to read in your recap.

I'm betting his actions are not pleasing Martha. Here's hoping he gets to hit the unemployment line because of his douchienss.

shelleyh:

Shitdick is going to become my new favorite swear word. I've been trying to suppress my giggles in my little corner of the office so people don't look at me funny. And that word does describes Eddie wonderfully. I love how he called Andrea's room shitty when HE picked everything out. Did you see the previews for next week? They show his buttcrack again. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick Bravo, would you stop that! They may be torturing us on purpose cause they think they're funny.

Poor little Wisit. Seriously, that was a great dramatic exit. But yea, his room was worse than Nat's.

You are right about Ondine looking kind of beat up. She doesn't even brush her hair. Every time she's on screen I think to myself "buy a fucking comb!"

juddfan:

OMG, that was awes!!!! Absolu splend!!!! Stupen!!! and you had me laughing like a fool. I, for one, was absolu floored by Eddie's diarys, and the sneering, "Ew, ew, ew" and then dissing the shi out of his client . . . like you say, Jmo, doesn't he realize he's on TV! How could he call Seth's bro a dork, even if he's not as yum as his bro . . . he is just low, but, I dunno, I kind of enjoyed his open c*ntyness, it was like the gloves were off and he wasn't holding back for nothin'!!!

Lame, lame, lame that he didn't credit Black eye, esp with the rug thing, as you say, again, Jmo, ah, isn't paper free more green, that be lots of memo space . . .

I'm thinking Beige Spoons will go next, she's out of her league, like so many have been, but Nat seems to be educated at least . . . that one pic with the blush looks like her head was stripped on, but badly . . . . is it me!?

Anyway, love to the Jmo, and lastly, recycle bins . . . they sooooo don't know a thing about it, ridonk!!!

oldmomoftoddlerboys:

Great recap! Smile at my monitor good. Eddie is a douche.

zbird:

Oh my, JMo! You give good recap my love. I'm cracking up at some of these comments too, especially JuddFan's Absolu splend!!!! Stupen!!!


LOL. You are def awes, J.

Your screencaps completely slay me, especially this one, which is just so, so apt "...I bet Nathan calls this piece "Down With Vaginas!..."

Perf!

I'm gonna miss little Whatisit too. He was so adorable! Eddie Pantyross is such a little douchnozzle! (That's right, I said panty, my most hated word -- that's how much I loathe him). I agree with Pegster that the only good thing about having him on the show is getting to read your hilarious remodelings of his name.

itchy:

Whatzit just made my skin crawl...just too icky for me. J-mo really summed him up for me with this: "Whatisit's cotton-candy mind " --except, I had the feeling that ALL of him was cotton-candy, the nasty end bits that stick to your fingers for the rest of the goddamn day and end up giving you a rash because of all the nasty chemicals in there.

That, and he doesn't really seem to know anything at all about design. Even his drawings were like smoke.

But I don't know if any of these people know anything about interior design -- even's Nathan's office was an ugly cluttered mess.

And since I'm unfettered by any lustful thoughts here (since I'm hetero, and there just ain't no hot girls on this show...well, I liked that weird judge with the funny hats, what happened to her), I can say that all these people suck and it makes me wonder if they're not all tanking their careers.

But I really really really hope that Mister Sniffs his own shit-stained fingers gets canned from his job...

juddfan:

a splen thanks, zbird! Forgot to mention black eye's work of anti-feminist art!!!! Nailed on the head, that one!!!

Also forgot to mention how much I enjoyed the operatic goodbye to Whatsit, hope he gets a job with that, as he left it open for someone to swoop him up!!!! I can't be too sorry he's gone, as he's responsible for the demise of Big Daddy, speaking of lustful thoughts!!!!

skies:

Seriously, Martha Stewart needs to rethink her hiring practices. Eddie is beyond douchiness.

arizonatom:

J-Mo;

"Awes" ... I just LOVE that!

Great recap, as always! You always find the hidden gems that I miss when I watch it.

I am SO sick of Eddie, I could just hurl whenever I look at him. He is the king of granny-panties and granny-design. Maybe he does wonders with Turtle Hill, but he still designs like an old bag, for an old bag (no way am I going to say "lady" for either of them.

Sadly, I do think that Whisit did do the worst job this week. He is funny and cute, but I don't think he has enough talent. Nat's excuse is that she's young, but she still has some kinda-cool ideas - she'll probably up with Andrea to go next week though.

Here's hoping for mor pics of PrettyBoy Preston without his shirt! Can't wait for next week.

Lots O' Love

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