Hello everybody! I am soooo super-apologizing for the lateness of this recap, I was in Las Vegas this weekend with my sister and my "little" brother as we celebrated his 30th birthday (and by "celebrated" I mean "got intoxicated" and "ate insanely expensive meals" and "played our favorite people-watching game 'Real Prostitute Or Just Super-Slutty Dresser?'"). I came home feeling like I had been reincarnated as a taxicab floor-mat, so I've been trying to recover a little and get back into the world of semi-tasteful design as opposed to some of the glitz-o-rama sparkle I was subjected to this weekend...
...not that Las Vegas isn't right up my alley as far as "taste" goes...
So here we gather, for one last time this season, to watch our three remaining taste-mavens duke (errr, slapfight & bitch) it out to see who has the Top Design. Oh yeah, and we're still stuck with Eddie VampiRoss in this last episode, so does everybody have their Egotistical Assclown Immunity Booster Shots? Trust, you're gonna need it after the jump...
What a strange and bitchy journey it has been these past ten weeks, no? We've watched our poor hapless designers as they were forced to furnish and design a loft with no money, turn a depressing concrete tomb into merely a sad dorm room, screw up a Project Runway window display, gay up some straight-boys' bachelor pads, compete in a "design tricrapthlon", pretend to be all "green and eco-friendly", envision the horrifying rooms of the future, play with glittery testicles and disco pears, and finally it's come down to this: transforming a pedestrian condo into a place where Kelly Worstler could walk in dressed like this and not look out of place...
...Yo-De-Lay-Hee-Hoooo!...
Somewhere, Heidi the Swiss Miss is weeping at the sight of her hairstyle being co-opted by Ol' Chicken-Legs here (and she can't even dry her eyes, either, because her box of Kleenex is mysteriously empty, too!).
One thing I will never get tired of seeing is the elimination of the Giant Wad of Constipation that is Eddie PoopeRoss. Now we're down to our Final Three, Prettyboy Preston, SexOndineCity and Black Eye Nathan, and one of them will be skipping home with a cool tenth of a mill, a spread in "Elle DECKor magazine" (as India Hicks calls it) and the "right to say they have the Top Design!" Can you actually get laid off of that bit of bragging, I wonder?...
...With hotness like this? Perhaps not...
As day breaks in the dumpy Union Lofts, Nathan is getting ready for the last challenge...
...by practicing his bulimia skills...
Seems like the scare of almost being sent home has re-energized Natey-boy into some new-found confidence in his design skills. This probably means he's going to do something super-wacky and avant-garde in the rest of his house, like jazzing things up with giant purple dildoes or dirty origami.
Seeing Nathan's pasty-white corpse-like body made me feel a little vomit-y, but luckily we were handed an instant shot of Visual Dramamine™ with Prettyboy Preston's tanned and toned torso...
...Looking for Mr. Morningwood, perhaps?...
Pres is going on (again) about how he's had to work so hard because it was so rough growing up losing people to addictions, and I don't mean to sound unfeeling or like I don't care, but I feel like we get it already, Preston... you're more than just a pretty face with the body of a young god... you feel things deeply. You're a deeply feeling person who has been through some hard times in your life. Quit beating us over the head with it and take off your... Holy CHRIST, did you see Preston's childhood glamour shot???...
...I take it back...
Wow, and I thought I had some supergay photos of me as a child! (There is one that my mother keeps as a piece of perpetual blackmail, I'm standing in the kitchen in a glamour pose, one hand on my hip, the other behind my head, my long luxurious blonde hair cascading down my shoulders... shit like that will seriously fuck you up, so I guess I gotta give Prettyboy a Depression Pass™)
Their plan for the day is to go shopping at a zillion different stores and blow the remaining $60K they've got in the budget for the rest of the house. You can almost feel the excitement in the air as they embark on this joyful errand...
...crackling with verve and electricity...
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Comments (15)
THANKS J-MO! Great recap as always, and worth waiting for. While watching the show I though of you - I thought you would use the shot of Ondine coming down the stairs looking like a bag-lady for a screencap - it was a great LOL moment. Anyway, thanks for a great season of awesome recaps - you made the show worth watching!
1 of 15 | Posted by njgasmifan | Posted on November 13, 2008 12:50 PM
J-mo you world traveler you!!! Good luck at the drag show, which I'm surprised to hear is in Texas . . . but refreshing, things must be changing since Louise was in those parts (it wasn't Thelma, right?!)
Anyhoo, kisses, huggies and a new box of sex towels to go in your new night table!!!! teehee!
I still find it hard to judge interiors, Nathan's coffin room was wonk, I didn't see 2 things that went together, esp. not the 2 paintings. I liked his entry room best. Ondine, guess I liked the sofa's but I will never, never, never have animal print in my home, and faux animal print with faux simulated tail is too macabre for words, yeeech!!!! Preston's office was great, and I loved that painting!!!! He had the most good stuff if you ask me and 4 thousand online voters, but I wasn't too concerned about who wins.
Ondine, hm, girl, listen to J-mo, treat yourself to a hot oil treatment, a cellophane, a mud bath and a tub of moisturizer, and lay off on the carpenters . . . they be hatin' on you!
I miss you already, J-mo, but I'm sure we'll cross paths in the comments of some of our favorite trashy shows!!!!
XOXOXOXO
2 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on November 13, 2008 2:37 PM
Anyone else think this show just kind of fizzled out from week to week?
I have to say, I wouldn't want to live in any of those houses. Although I did like Natan's portrait wall, pretty cool look to it.
Thanks for the recaps J-Mo, each one was like reading a mini-Moby Dick.
3 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 13, 2008 2:52 PM
Nathan's house was alright, but I didn't think he should win. In fact, I liked both of the other houses better. My ranking would have been Preston, Ondine, and then Nathan. That entrance hall was a total waste of space. Let me tell you, back when I was in the US, I lived in a very similarly shaped townhouse. There is NO WAY someone would waste a room like that. You just don't have enough space to do that.
Oh yeah... and Eddie is a douchenozzle. Or as I had started to refer to him, Eddie the Earl of KnockingCock.
4 of 15 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 13, 2008 3:04 PM
J-Mo,
I'll miss you, too, even though I just discovered your great recaps yesterday. I hope you will return soon to recap other shows.
.
I liked Season One of Top Design much better than Season Two. In some ways I can understand why so many of the challenges at the beginning were group assignments. However, I liked how Season One was constructed. I think there were more individual challenges, and to me all the challenges were more meaty.
.
I lost interest at the beginning of this Season because the initial challenges were bland to me and I found it difficult to differentiate why some were better than others. However, I am not design-oriented; I'm a rube in that arena. It could just be me.
.
J-Mo's recaps enlightened me to the nuances and made the last two episodes (which I had on the DVR) a much-improved time.
.
And...I have those cat-hair covered undie hills in the bedroom: it's frightening. My mother was a wanna-be interior designer. Further, nothing was ever out-of-place, cluttered, dusty or water-spotted in our home. And I live...about an inch and a half from squalor most of the time. Ah, well.
.
Hope to read more from all of you soon!
5 of 15 | Posted by bexcal | Posted on November 13, 2008 8:03 PM
J-MO, missed you so.
Your recaps just amaze me and you will be missed.
I agree with bexcal, liked season one better because there were more individual challenges. I don't know who should have won. Come on, paper plates & chicken wire chandelier? Looks like he also had paper snowflake cutouts on the wall in the foyer. I thought he didn't want to be known as the guy who slaps paper plates on a wall.
Ondine's looked the most designed to me. Preston's was just too neat for my taste, and Nathan's looked the most livable.
BTW-we had that store brand mac & cheese for dinner the other night and the whole time I was making it, I was saying, "Is it supposed to look like this?" Get a Dyson for the kitty hair, it works great. (sorry for rambling, I'll have to change my moniker to flightygal.)
Thanks for a wonderful season of recaps. Looking forward to your next endeavor.
6 of 15 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:36 PM
I am going to have to go thirds on the Season 1 love. But I'm going for a different reason: It was just fun to watch Carisa (the Eddie of season 1) go down in flames in the finale, and knowing that she would made all the more sweet. But, does anyone know what happened to Gay Dad (the recap name of the winner of Season 1?) I wonder if there will be an update on him and what has happened with his career. I'm going to assume
nothing, as there has been no update. LOL.
J-Mo, drag shows, a BF, and the new thought of hanging cum towels from your bed post... I want to be in your world .... I'm jealous (or, maybe, I just want to join in!) LOL. What are you recapping next?
7 of 15 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on November 14, 2008 5:05 AM
J-Mo - great recap, as always! I hope you had fun in Vegas! Even if we had to wait a bit, it was well worth it. I'm going to miss reading your funny, informative, and off-the-wall recaps each week.
Hooray for a final PrettyBoy pec pic! I'm going to miss those too-few shots of his bod! *sniff* Oh, to be the cameraman in the Rover in your screenshot - move that jacket or whatever it is he's holding over his crotch! Yum-O!
I thought it was hilarious when Andrea thought that she could have done well at this final challenge. When she couldn't do well at ANY of the other challenges. I think we need a new name for that Bitch - AndreaQueenOfDenialSilverSpoonRicksterBitch.
SexOndineCity's stuff was OK, but I certainly wasn't blown away. And that horrible kid's room would have kept me awake it was so LOUD!
Nathan had some things that I liked as well, even the Mr Chubbles painting turned out way better than I thought it would, and horizontally it looked way cooler than vertically. LOVED the Sloppy Joe Night comment on the "chandy" - that thing was FUGLY. My personal TrickWall looks way better than his (well, except for that ONE skanky mistake)! At least the ones who were assholes were kinda nice-looking.
I think Preston has pretty good taste (and probably tastes pretty good, too) but not all of it is my style. He is a little too refined for my style of relaxation when I get home. I like a comfy place that looks good, but it doesn't have to be perfect. Then again, I can't afford what he probably can (in real life). But I did feel cheated that he didn't win! I think his chest deserves to be rated TopDesign! Hopefully we'll see more of him in the future.
What amazes me is that they spent what, $85K on designing these places? For that amount I KNOW I could have bought all the furniture and furnishings needed to make it look very nice (while being comfortable) and had a little left over to buy all professional gourmet appliances for the kitchen AND a $35,000 car! Pricey shit doesn't necessarily mean it look goods or feels comfortable.
I've really enjoyed your recaps this season - you have the bestest humor! I've spit out more Diet Dr. Pepper reading your stuff!! Every week I have to reach for at least one quicker-picker-upper!
Enjoy your "rest" and let us know what you are recapping next!
Lots O' Love
8 of 15 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on November 14, 2008 3:47 PM
J-MO - I love you! You made this show for me. Please, please re-cap more. You were dead on with Eddie delusion self-importance. And Kelly's outfits are just begging to be called out. Excellent job on that! BTW can I live in your world too? Anyone open enough to disclose a pile of dirty underware covered in cat hair instantly wins me over. Well, I'm easy, and I'm not talking about college, but I digress. Love you, love the re-caps!
9 of 15 | Posted by oldmomoftoddlerboys | Posted on November 14, 2008 6:21 PM
JMo Darling,
I can't believe you went to vegas without me! Oh, well, I forgive you, and to prove it I've left a present for you and the boyfriend at the end of the UF recap.
BTW hate, hate, hate Kelly's chicken legs and Nathan's chandelier, but as always love your recaps : )
hugs,
Yenta
10 of 15 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on November 15, 2008 12:50 PM
I thought for sure Preston would win. Oh well. Nathan's Mr. Chubbles painting was awesome. I was thinking the whole time, even I could do that. And I could refrain from throwing poo much better than Mr. Chubbles.
J-Mo, your hilarious recaps will be missed! Bravo really should invent another show for you to do.
11 of 15 | Posted by shelleyh | Posted on November 17, 2008 1:46 PM
Boo hoo hoooooo... Come back soon, J-Mo! Thank God Top Chef and Flipit will make sure I don't go into a double Bravo-TVGasm withdrawal seizure, but I'll really miss your point of view. Hey, maybe you can recap some of those drag queen beauty pageants for us. They must not be short on drama, laughs and big personalities, right?
12 of 15 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on November 17, 2008 3:37 PM
I'm sad that the season is over because I'll miss you J-Mo. I always love your recaps.
As for the show, I think if Jeff Lewis stayed instead of Kelly Worstdressed coming back the result would have been different (correct). She seems to have the same "style" as Nathan where you just throw a lot of kooky things into a room and call it art (Oh my God, there's a pile of dirty laundry on that shelf, how kitch).
13 of 15 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on November 18, 2008 8:32 AM
all those houses were just awful. preston should have won because his bedroom was amazing. he was the best of the three bad designers.
14 of 15 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on November 19, 2008 9:25 AM
njgasmifan... you're right, I almost did use that shot of Ondine being the bag-lady, but in the end I decided that the picture culled by the show of her sitting in the chair in the garage looking a hot mess might work better. Thank you so much for the kind compliments, I'm glad you enjoyed the show and the recaps together!...
juddfan... Ha ha ha, I dunno about "world traveler" (although Texas did seem like it was on it's own planet)... you would be surprised at how active Texas gays are in the whole drag world, they are some of the fiercest queens out there! I will miss you too, but you're right, we will be commenting back and forth elsewhere, I'm sure... thanks for all your positive encouragement!
itchy... thank you! That's such a sweet compliment... and you know I'm down with anything having "Dick" in the title, LOL! I appreciate your patience... :)
Snootchy Bootches... STILL love your nick! I agree with your rankings, and also that only the insanely rich would consider any part of their home unnecessary space for living (kinda how anorexics feel about the kitchens in their own homes)... either way, it's not healthy. And "Earl Of KnockingCock" is just LOVELY! Thanks!
bexcal... you give me too much credit, I know zilch about interior design, but I can zero in on details like nobody's bidness, that's how come I can make it sound like I might actually know what I'm talking about, but truthfully, I'm just B.S.ing my way through. I am very happy you enjoyed the recaps, even if you found them late in the game, and you might be right, Season One might have had more oomph. Thanks!
shantigal... thank you so much for the kudos, you're a sweetie... and yes, store-brand mac & cheese actually is pink, and the "cheese grit" never smooths itself out... it's Kraft in my house or nothing! LOL!
slutty_whore... I love YOUR nick, too! Thank you for the kind words... as of right now I'm actually taking a small break until something good comes along, but when it does, I will be back again to talk shit about reality TV people (it may be even before the end of the year!)...
arizonatom... gosh, are you campaigning to replace my BF?? LOL, good thing he's not jealous or a sociopath or anything, cuz you sure are sweet like candy to me. Thank you for all the lovely warm fuzzies!
oldmomoftoddlerboys... well, shucks, honey, I love you, too! I'm glad you liked hearing about Undie Hill (plus allergens and cat dander!) I'm just that kind of guy with a great big mouth (via my speedy fingers) and low-pretenses... I will be back again, keep your eyeies open!...
yentapatrol... thanks for the eye-candy at the end of your fabulous UF recap, you're right, my BF did enjoy it immensely (for me, tho, Pres and slender muscleboys are only a minor attraction, you know I'd prefer to see the Big Daddies and John Goodmans of the world to be shirtless more often... I'm weird like that). Thank you for all the comments!
shelleyh... Awww, THANK you! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something good will come along, I LOVE me some Bravo shows!...
sayhuh... Ai, pobrecito, no lloras por mi Señorita! I'm only taking a break, I'm not leaving for good... and if you check my personal blog in about a week you will find a semi-recap of the drag pageant (along with pictures!)... I am glad you enjoyed this season, too!
DrJerkass... You are too kind, I will miss writing for this silly show, but thank you for all your commentary!
reckless_saturn_11... I think you might be right... thanks for chiming in!
All of you guys (and all the other Gasmii who have commented this season) have really made me feel so loved, it's a really sweet feeling, and I absolutely LIVED for all your observations and comments and opinions... I will do my best to find a good show and Flipit has promised I can come back and carry on again (Thanks, Flip, for taking a chance on an unknown queen). You guys are all the best, and I'm humbled by your generosity and proud to be associated with this site... Viva TVGasm!!!!
love, J-Mo :)
15 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on November 21, 2008 11:24 AM