It's unclear to me whether or not Preston actually tagged something that Eddie really wanted or if he's just mad with a sickly hateful lust for Preston's pecs, but Eddie's clearly upset, "Preston has his stickers on everything! It's sooo infuriating!" Yeah, so is unrestrained self-aggrandizement and excessive conceit, Eddie, but as usual, you fail to grasp the parallel...

Also failing to grasp what a shitdickface Eddie is being is SexOndineCity, who just thinks it's so amazing to watch Eddie selecting his "very, very specific aesthetic" and thinks his attention to detail is "spot-on". I'd agree with her, but I still have both my vision and my memory, and I haven't forgotten the Vomitous Leafy Funeral Glitter-Box Parlor from last week already.

Oh well, time's up at the Plantation, and apparently they are being taken to a second location to do some shopping, a place called "Jaxon" (which is a place that I will never, ever, ever, ever shop in because at one point Eddie gave a classic sneer and said "I love this store!"... besides, "Jaxoff" sounds much more like more my kind of place). Eddie may love it, but apparently SexOndineCity isn't having such an easy time there because she's so damned disorganized. She's swearing and the sales staff look like they're afraid of her matted greasy unwashed hair and her Punky Brewster Primary Color wardrobe...

ScaredSaleslady103108.JPG
...if Ondine would just get her hands on some Prell, people would stop making these faces at her!...

In the end it comes down to yet another instance of her having to hurriedly read through one of her damned illegible "lists" to a frightened saleslady at the last minute, and now she's just hoping she got everything she needed. I've never seen anyone else in this competition who gets more flustered and freaked out shopping than Ondine does... I bet she'd have been a real train wreck over on "Supermaket Sweep", huh?

Their last stop is at the Top Design Showroom, and I overheard Eddie speaking in a Miss Swan Asian Lady Accent™ as he says "I t'ink I got everyt'ing right hee-uh!" I used to speak like Miss Swan a lot, too, right up until the night I accidentally did it in a Chinese restaurant just as our Real Asian Lady waitress came to take our food order. I think my hot'n'sour soup wound up with a little Shug Avery pee in it, and I never made that mistake ever again.

It's nighttime and back at the dumpy Union Lofts, the remaining contestants are celebrating Eddie's birthday (as Eddie says) "by having hard liquor... Whoooo!"...

EddieLiquor103108.JPG
...I'd pretty much stay drunk all the time if I had to live with this asshole...

As if he hasn't made this point several times already, Eddie's needlessly expositing how he gets along with everybody there except for Preston. "It's just, you know, we're not gonna be best friends!" and he giggles dickishly. I guess this is because Preston doesn't wanna do tequila shots and Jäger bombers with them... but it turns out there's a reason for that, as Preston interviews his recently departed father died of alcoholism.

Wow, that's a pretty intimate disclosure for someone as carefully cautious as Pres seems to be.... and here I was thinking he just didn't want to get drunk with them because Eddie and Nathan are being a pair of giant hairy shitballs to him (with Ondine as their Third Assketeer) which I think is an equally valid reason for opting out. Besides, I'm thinking perhaps he's a little smarter for going to bed early on the eve of the Semi-Final Challenge, you know? Better rested heads make better design decisions...

Back over with the Party People, Eddie DrinksLikeMissRoss is telling Black Eye Nathan to go put on his wig and his hotpants (!!!) and before you can say "scary drag" Nathan appears on my TV screen wearing a black curly wig, green leotard and a pair of black tights...

NathanDrag103108.JPG
...I have to wonder why on earth he would have packed that wig...

Black Eye Nathan explains, "So, after we had a few margaritas, all of a sudden I was the host of Top Design... iiiin Japan!" and they cut to him stumbling around and slurrily speaking in pidgin English as Eddie and Ondine cackle at the top of their lungs. Niiiiiice. I learned a loooong time ago never to be drunk when there are video cameras around, because stuff you might think is hysterical when you're plastered is usually just stupid and annoying when you're sober...

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...Exhibit A...
Top Design: Jeff Lewis Gets The Primo Burn Of The Season Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7  |  8  |  9  |  10  |  11 

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Comments (27)

bfish:

Oh, J-Mo, it was definitely worth the wait! You got some hysterical pics and really helped them along with you screencaps. Eddie's "Martha orgasm or J-Mo shot to the balls?" was probably my favorite, but Nathan's scary Mr. Peanut and several others were close. As usual, I had a ton of laughs throughout.

Go Jeff (yeah, he actually made me LOL during the episode too w/ his great slams at Jonathon, then
Eddie's geriatric boudoir). Love that JL is not the least bit intimidated by the rest of this "august" panel of judges. This is the first time Margaret really lost it for me this year--right up there with her feline-dissing last season.

Well, I can't wait to see Eddie next week because you have to admit there's no one we love to crack on more! Too bad these condos are so much more lame/pedestrian than the lofts the finalists got to work with last year.

skies:

Jeff Lewis is my new hero. Although I can't watch more than 10 minutes of his show, his O.C.D drives me crazy, he is a fabulous judge. He slammed Eddie's room for the boring blah that it was. And didn't back down to Maggie's misplaced defense of Eddie. I love his mugging for the camera too.
I'm rooting for PrettyBoy to win so Nathan and Eddie can fly away on their brooms to live happily ever after in Marthaland.
What will you be recapping next?

pixielated:

"I have great style, I have great taste, I'm really multi-talented...and, darn it, people like me!" Then, after his next outburst: "Yeah, Eddie Ross is bigger than Top Design...Top Design isn't the last you're going to see of me!"--I expected him to shout, "Top of the world, ma!", whip out a gun, and shoot the nearest flammable object, a la Jimmy Cagney in White Heat.

I guess Nathan's idea of designing something "pretty" is just not to design it AT ALL. That room looked like they just delivered the furniture. I guess the bathroom "decor" gave him an edge over Eddie.

It would be great if Pres would win, but I fear that Nathan is destined to be the winner. Unless that bedroom brings down his whole design. Do you believe he spent that much money on that?

suckitbitches:

Excellent recap- I totally want to see a Disco Deer, too.

When they showed Eddie's room I thought just a little coral/pink and it's a total Golden Girls moment. Love Jeff Lewis and his show (wouldn't want to work for him tho, that's for sure).

Go Preston!

sammy64:

WHAT ARE THOSE 3/4 CAPRI JEANS THAT DISCKHEADSHITFACE EDDIE WEARS???? Where do you even get them from??? which designer in his right mind seriously looks at his sketch of an elf queen in 3/4 pant jeans and goes "THATS THE LOOK!"??? So many questions... Can america please divert the focus of the war on terror to those jeans??? I really don't want to see them appearing on our shores anytime soon...
Great recap tho had me laughing the whole time!
cheers

sammy64:

and p.s Nathan's stock has fallen to ENRON levels in my eyes with that V for Vendetta jacket he was wearing.... its a shame... he seemed so cool for like the first 10 minutes of the series!

sayhuh:

Great recap again, J-Mo... Disco deer? The Magic-Eye image of Andrea and the back of Ricky Schroeder's head? Priceless.

I thought "oh, no, there went the funny accents when Kerry left the show, and now no more screencaps of The Many Puckery Faces of Eddie Ross?" But no, we still have next episode. I can't stand Eddie, but you always manage to find his most gruesomely stupid facial expressions and delight us with them.

With that little Dr. Watson outfit he was wearing, I kept expecting the lights to go out suddenly, and when they came back on, one of the judges would have been murdered, and Eddie would whip out a pipe, start smoking it and interrogating the designers. No doubt he would pin the murder on Preston, of course. The murder Eddie HIMSELF committed! (Cue dramatic music.) Sorry, it's late and I'm really digressing.

sammy64, don't go to Europe in the summer or you might get homicidal. When I went there this summer I was very surprised to see so many guys in capris (no doubt they call them something else.) I'm going to guess that now that it's colder all those same guys are now walking around in Dr. Watson's outfits.

I'm still reading Jonathan Adler's blog on the Bravo site, and I'm still loving how disgusted he is by Eddie, and how he keeps comparing him negatively with Preston. Eddie must be dying inside (because outside he's saying "oh sure, whatever.")

sayhuh:

Oh, yeah, and I just checked Margaret Russell's blog, too. She also has some choice words for Eddie, such as vile, demonic, odious, egomaniac, psychotic... all in one paragraph. Didn't she capture him perfectly?

zona9:

Eddie's room was horrible! Shockingly horrible. He put lattice on the walls for god's sake!

yentapatrol:

Darling J-Mo,

I have to confess, I have a little itty bitty crush on Jeff Lewis. I know it's bizarre...I think it's because I'm a bit OCD myself.

Your recap was wonderful!!! It did full justice to Eddie's demise. I can only pray that next week Preston gets to fully abuse the little twit.

Loved the photo of your dance group, but I have to say all this talk of your being uber-fat is a bit over the top. Your clearly a dashing, handsome young man.

Hugs,
Yenta

shantigal:

Oh J-Mo,

Excellent recap as always. All season long I've been searching for the right description of Eddie, and boy did you nail it with "pinched anus face".

When they showed his room, I immediately thought of Jerry Seinfeld's parent's condo when they moved to Boca.

And did anyone else notice the bug/reptile pics in Ondine's home bedroom? What is it with her and creatures? I keep expecting her skin to crack off (like in that Axe commercial) and a crustacean person to emerge. I did like her black & white room though.

By the way, the results of the phone poll did appear while I was watching. It was something like 75/25 or 76/24, no, he's a one trick pony.

Can't wait for the finale! If I've learned anything from being a massive couch potato, (both literally and figuratively), editing is everything. I don't think Eddie will really screw over dear sweet Preciouston.

shelleyh:

Great recap and great pictures, Zombie J-Mo! J-Zo?

Jeff Lewis and his crushing comments are just spectacular. If there is anyone worthy enough to take Krazy Kelly's place, he's the one. He's kind of the Anthony Bourdain character, isn't he? Ditto Skies: Flipping Out is unbearable for more than 10 minutes. But here, fabulous.

Buh-bye shitdick. This is what we were waiting for! Loved his look of utter disbelief, I think Santa's about to kick him in the forehead.

Preston is my pick for the win, with a shirt or without.

juddfan:

J-mo, you are too fantast!!! This cap was chuck full of 'em!!! I don't even know where to start!

I thought for the poll on Eddie, no one voted, and I loved it (and kind of hated it coz I guess I'm not a completely unfeeling bastard, and that would be quite a dubious honor to be the one contestant that no one cared enough to even vote on, should have been whether he's a douche or not though!)

Guess I am rooting for Preston at this point. I could care about his shirtlessness, tho props for his fitness, I think it's fascinating that he's worked his own OCD into a profession, saying his Mom would put him in a room and he'd make everything perfect--seems he's meant to do this work. His own apt shrieked of BlueBlood and I can't imagine a 20 something, single GWM living in a show room like that, but there you go--I'm with you J-mo with the undie pile and the cat hair! ; )

I thought Marg defending Eddie was a sure sign the producers were going to keep him in, glad I was wrong!

Can't wait to read the blogs!

Hated Sex's wallpaper, and thought doing the smallest room was lame. Funny no one thought of windows . . . and it is funny about her hair . . . just a smidge of Frizz ease rubbed in the palms and smoothed over hair would do wonders, take it from a straw master himself!!!

And the halloween pic, too cute, J-mo!!!! thanks so much for sharing, I'm going to weep convulsively when this is over and no more recaps!!!!!

tvismyfriend:

Anus face. Awesome.

sayhuh:

Oh, sorry to be such a pain in the ass repeat poster, but yeah, I forgot... The thought of those kitties atop Undie Hill is so simultaneously cute (*) and disgustingly horrifying (**), much like our J-Mo (*)in zombie gear (**)! Yay, I love zombies and I had yet to see them in a drag-queen context!

Anonymous:

Yeah the blogs are jam packed of info. Makes me wish they had dvd sets out with lots of bonus footage.

Ondine did try to use curtains like Todd suggested but abandoned the effort since the curtains were fugly.

Seems like Nathan had another bed but didn't want the movers to get heatstroke replacing it.

The comment about the housing being taco bell-ish was kinda unflattering to the housing development.

smaile:

get comfy with your body honey. you are the perfect size for who you are. two snaps in a circle for that.

itchy:

Well, if nothing else this episode confirmed to me that Preston is most likely absolutely no fun to have around (speaking from a hetero perspective that is).

You know, the type you sometimes find a party who just there all stiff and glum the whole evening, slowly bringing everyone else down?

'Course that has nothing to do with his designs. Unlike Sphincter face, who literally reveals his cardboard personality with everything he designs, wears and says.

Anyway, since part of the prize is a spread in Elle Decor, why would they allow a stylist from a competing magazine in there?

In retrospect, the judges/producers are no doubt regretting that they cut the chubby southern guy so early on. At least he seemed nice enough.

yeschef:

", since part of the prize is a spread in Elle Decor, why would they allow a stylist from a competing magazine in there? "

If they were never going to allow him to win they wouldn't have allowed him to be in the contest first of all. Drop the conspiracy notion.

Designers and stylists are often in several magazines that compete with one another.

It's funny but Eddie does know several of the judges from his line of work.

J-Mo:

Wow, you guys are just awes! And prit! And gorge!

bfish... glad you liked the pics, and I agree, these row houses are not quite as cool as the high-rise condos from last year's finale. Thanx 4 the love!

skies... I totally agree with you as far as Jeff's own show "Flipping Out" goes (they should call it "Flipping Off" because that's what I do to my TV whenever it comes on). As for my next fab assignment, that has yet to be determined, but I might take a couple of weeks off and wait and see what kind of wackiness Bravo has to offer up... Thank U!

pixielated... LOL at Eddie in "White Heat", though I suspect his line would be "Top of the world, Grandma!" I think, though, that Preston's sleekness is going to trump Nathan's weirdness in the end... we'll see! Thx!

suckitbitches... I almost put in a "Golden Girls" reference, but then Wilford and his boner popped up in my mind and I had to go with that, but I think you're right, it fits there, too! Thank Q!

sammy64... I know, right? I thought pedal-pushers were so 50's, but then again, this IS Eddie Ross we're talking about and perhaps he believes he wants to show off his elegant ankles! Thanques!

sayhuh... *giggles* this is all due to the beauty that is recording the show on DVD and then inching forward frame by frame during interviews until I have captured the Essence of Eds. You are also correct, Jon-Jon and Maggie's blogs have been pretty awesome as far as their calling Eddie out on, as Margaret puts it, "doing his psychotic dance for the cameras"! Gracias! And P.S. glad you liked/were horrified by Kittie-Hair-Undie-Hill-Zombie-Drag-Land! *mwah*

zona9... but don't ALL homes in the East Hamptons have "trellage" work on the INSIDES of the houses? Eddie should know! Thx2U!

yentapatrol... aww, shucks, you're sweet! Jeff Lewis is crush-worthy, I guess, something tells me he'd be a freak in bed, though. Merci!

shantigal... Ooooh, I am so jealous they showed the poll results to you. Seriously, it looked like a calculated thing here, they took FOREVER scrolling through the numbers and then BOOM! No numbers and the screen just faded to white. Perhaps they wanted to save the west coast finding out until this week, but I'm glad to know 3/4 of the people agree with me. And couch potatoes rawk! Thank Q!

shelleyh... I LOL'ed at "J-Zo", that was way cute! Kthx!

juddfan... I think part of the reason Margaret gets so upset when people diss Eddie's design aesthetic is because they keep calling it "grandma" and when Maggie finds herself liking something called "grandma", it means she's old, and no woman wants to hear that, so she goes a little nutzo... and don't cry, I'm sure there will be another season of "Shear Genius" at some point for us all to make fun of! Love 2 U N Thanks!

tvismyfriend... You're welcome! That comment is "awes!" as well... Thanks!

Anonymous... yes, the blogs are full of info, but I dunno if I believe Nathan's reasoning for keeping a bad bed around... if $100,000.00 is on the line I somehow doubt that he would balk at ordering movers to sweat it out getting rid of it... and why would he have bought more than one bed? Sounds fishy to me... and actually I don't think the Taco Bell comparison is actually so bad, a lot of the newer Taco Bell's here in AZ are actually smartly designed and lit and decorated! Thanks for your comments!

smaile... I love you. Thanx! *snap* *snap*

itchy... I hate to disagree, but I don't believe Preston is necessarily a walking no-fun-zone... if you were stuck in a house with three people who were busy playing "Heathers" and going out of their way to exclude you, would you REALLY want to party with them? When you add in the addiction/alcoholism background, I just can't blame him for wanting to isolate... on the other hand, if it were me there, I'd have gotten them all really SUPER drunk and then made dirty tattoos on their faces in Sharpie, but I'm kinda twisty like that... and I agree with you, Big Daddy Ker-Bear shoulda stuck around! Thanks 4 UR thoughts!

yeschef... I agree, it is interesting that Eddie has had such exposure to these people, but apparently none of them knew what a raging hemorrhoid he was until now! Thanx!

Wow, you guys, your comments and insight are so awesome, I absolutely get a total tickly-buzz every time I see what you guys have to say, both poz and neg... I can't believe it's almost over! You've made this an awesome run, though, and I can't wait to see who wins!

love, J-Mo :) (a.k.a. J-Zo)

yeschef:

Thanks for the comments it's nice to see one of the people in charge respond. Btw tvgasm messed up and put my name as anonymous for some weird reason.

Eddie may be just playing for the tv or it may just be coming out due to the all pressure. Some people undergo a Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde transformation when they get on camera so that could be it as well.

Btw there was another blog that had an interview with Eddie and he was wearing the same suit that got under Jeff Lewis's skin. So Eddie's taste in clothes is well not exactly modern when it comes to professional attire.

"and why would he have bought more than one bed?"

Planning for the rest of the house? He probably thought that any items he bought for the first challenge that he didn't use could be used in the second part of the challenge since he bought it for the house challenge. I don't think the money would transfer over like items would. The blogs do show that the designers do use items that they brought on the show so there obviously is some leeway they get depending upon the challenge.

Did the room look it cost 20,000? I mean a house with the rest of the rooms only has 40,000 more that doesn't seem like it would be enough.

chibby:

I was dead tired last night and ready to fall asleep after coming home from a crazy trip. Checked tvgasm and saw Top Design. Had to read! I said to myself, just 3 pages! nope. finished it. hehe

My friend used to work with Preston. You're going to hate me, but my friend said he was a little snobby and really did keep to himself most of the time.

GirlPlease!:

I don't even care who wins at this point. Maybe Nathan isn't as hateful when Eddie is gone, but who knows. I just want Jeff Lewis to be permanently on the judging panel for Top Design. His facial expressions alone are priceless.

arizonatom:

Awes! J-Mo, as usual!

"Undie Hill" - I love it! Of course I would never allow that in my bedroom - but it's funny as hell!

And EddieDrinksLikeMissRoss was too fucking funny!

Unlike you, I can see the 3-D pictures (I couldn't for years, but finally "learned" the trick). However, I've seen enough of the back of Ricky's head in 2-D - that's Enuf!

And why didn't EddieDoucheRoss put any window coverings in his bedroom? I certainly don't want to see his "blue steel" if I'm walking by, looking for UFOs!

Nathan's room was boring, and again, no window covering. I don't want to see him on my nightly constitutional either! But his jar o' spikes did remind me of a joke from years past. He kinda looks like he chased a fart through a keg o' nails, and now we know where he keeps it! HAH!
I've never come across a mute bed before - mine talks all the time (squeak, groan, wheeze). LOL!

Ondine's busy, busy wallpaper was just HIDEOUS! I think that looked totally tacky and consumed all focus for the room. And made it look smaller!

I am SO happy that EddieLoseRoss got booted - I was just pissed that he'll be back for another show, even if he's not competing. Preston should just tell him to sit his skanky granny-ass on the stoop out front and not touch anything in what I am sure will be his very-well-designed home. Preston's family room looked so nice and inviting, I can't wait to see what the rest of the house looks like. Hopefully ER won't have a single thing to do with it!

Lastly, Dickface Russel was just too much - when I read that I peed from laughing too hard! You are just the best at this!

I look forward to next week, but sadly, as it will be the last recap for TD for the season. Hopefully you find another good show to recap next!

Lots O' Love.

PS: Jeff Lewis is a nut-job on his show, but the guy has great vision when it comes to updating houses (changing floor plans, creating drama - the good kind, and decorating). I've seen some of the shows and the homes for sale always look very elegant and swanky. He knows his stuff, fo' sure. I would also like to see him judge full-time.

Kisses!!

itchy:

Or maybe Preston was smart enough to realize that he'd get a much better edit if he kept a low profile (other than winning the competitions).

Although you have to wonder why everything he designed looked like a hotel room?

Anyway, he's the least annoying of the final three.

And, yeschef, I'm not looking for conspiracies so much as trying to find a way to make this otherwise fairly ho-hum show interesting. I don't read design magazines, so I really don't know how they'd operate.

flowie623:

I know I may be alone on this but I LOVE JEFF LEWIS! I loved his show. I can totally handle his OCD and wish I knew him personally so I could hang out with him all the time.

Did anyone else notice that when Ondine had her hair down in her "interview" she totally looked like she was chanelling Andrea?

bexcal:

I missed the last two Top Designs. Reading this recap was, to me, much better than watching the show. I'm dead tired and there were many pages but I could not stop reading. flowie623 would like to be Jeff Lewis' friend and hang out with him; I'd settle for hanging out with J-Mo and his BFF for an episode or two when the next season of Top Design dawns (or, actually, any show he chooses to recap). You have a way with words and a shrewd eye, honey! Thanks for the laughs...and the insight.(Did I miss the recap for the last show or is it not posted yet?)

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