I just pinpointed the exact moment Vanessa Manillo went crazy.
This week on True Beauty, the Beauties are thinning out, but I don't mean physically. I also am not making a reference to Billy's hair. It's a judgement by teens as to who is the fittest, prettiest and nicest. TEENAGERS, people! Complete with sniper comments, fake boobs and white sneakers. But who expects any less from our remaining Beauties.....
Hey yalls- welcome back for another week of Beautification. And I mean that ironically. Sort of. Anyhoo, as Encino Man returns to the Beauty Cave, he's brimming with confidence. Who would've thought otherwise, though? His Douchiness himself is going over who is going to be happy to see him, and who isn't, and why it doesn't matter because everyone's gonna fake that shit anyway.
Did someone actually MARRY this man???
Encino man thinks Ray is his bff 4eva, but in actuality, Ray is strategizing in the vein of "keep your enemies closer." Man, I thought Ray was cool. Judging by his outfit, he is both uncool and looks like a Marshmallow PEEP.
Ray
Peep
Everyone thinks Encino Man is returning and guess what....They're right! The funniest and most true sentiment is Billy, Encino Man's Butt Buddy, who says "I think Joel's coming back because Joel IS coming back. " Heh heh. Encino man comes home, cocky as ever, and then the show proceeds with my favorite shots of a sun setting, night, and a sun rising over the mansion. And maybe a few establishing shots. Oh, to be smart and infer that on my own....
In the morning, we meet LLL's friend, "Mr. Bear. " Not only is LLL articulate and smart, she's also creative with nomenclature. Nice!
I bet Billy wishes he was Mr. Bear. Right Mr. Bear? Right?
Mr. Bear makes LLL feel more like she's back in Brooklyn, only with more fuzz and less gunfire. And it's the only person/blob of constructed, sculpted fabric and stuffing to which she can converse INTELLIGENTLY. Oh LLL. And Billy doesn't miss an opportunity to steal Mr. Bear in a retarded effort to get closer to LLL. Oy. It's like Retards trying to eat peanut butter out of the eye of a needle. Am I right? Am I right?
I'm old. You play with stuffed animals. Let's Do It.
While Billy makes some breakfast baby food weirdo protein shake, Ray is still fuming about what we'll call "the pencil case incident." You know, the one in which Billy tried to bring his MURSE to a challenge and told Nessie that it was kosher because Ray had a pencil case, and that counted as one item. In essence, the episode was brief and perfunctory, but these Beauties seem bored and need drama to cling to! Ray calls Billy all "supplements and hair gel." Really, that's harsh. What about his Murse? and, his extensive collection of Tank-toppery?
Touch my shake and I will cut you.
Then we get to a gratuitous "procedural montage" in which one of the Beauties sort of goes through what she has to do to go from morning-skanky to semi-attractive. This week, LLL! She has to straighten her hair, blow dry it, curl it and then try on 90 different outfits while Billy strokes himself in the corner of their communal closet.
A weird camera angle to de-accentuate strokage.
In the Bat Cave, Nessie is dressed like she just got off of a Jet Ski. With Nick Lachey, probably.
You can't fault Nick and I for loving water sports!
Nessie explains that this is the fitness episode (sorry, LLL) but they're going to be judged on courtesy towards teenagers. Ew.
And what better way to start a challenge than ugly shoes and a protein shake? Billy?
And, tiny socks to top 'em off.
Of course, Encino man has a boner for this challenge, already. Yawn. We got it- you're fit. Maybe your cro-magnon muscle structure allows you to like, metabolize shit faster and build muscle for hunting wooly mammoths n' shit. Whatevs. Ray just wants Encino man out of the picture so he can have a "free ride to the winning circle," which is actually an elegant combination of two expressions and sports. You poet, you!
LLL is pissy that she sees shoes that aren't heeled or made for her munchkin feet.
There goes another 3.5 hours of my life adjusting my boobs, hair and changing my outfit.
She's right about one thing: the sneakers are sorta ugly, but by no means hideous. You want a hideous shoe? Call up my 9th grade gym teacher after a particularly long day on her corn-infested feet. Boo-ya!
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Comments (6)
oh, thank you for noting Nessie's penchant for improper use of "... and I." That drives me crazy!!!! "You'll be meeting with Cheryl, Nole, and I in the Hall of Beauty."
Great recap!!! The show was bumped here because of some lame ass tornado warnings and the ensuing hysterical local media coverage.
1 of 6 | Posted by real_atlanta_girl | Posted on February 12, 2009 7:17 PM
UGH! How is it everyone seems fooled by Encino Man?
Just looking at his smug face makes me want to spit.
I really wish he would have been sent home instead of Chelsea. Imagine his disgust!
At least Chelsea brought some entertainment to this group.
2 of 6 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on February 13, 2009 12:32 AM
well, not sure when I missed this, the one I saw was a rerun of the first show, so I passed . . . but I agree, Chelsea made this show for me, but you make the recaps, Mona . . . so right about the lying plastic surgeon, even those Beverly Hill douches make those condescending faces trying to get patients to do more, or go more extreme, it's sickening!!!! But it's good to know if the big one hits, and LA ends up on it's side, most of the girls will be safe and bounce back!!!
; )
3 of 6 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on February 13, 2009 5:30 PM
Fun recap. Like real_atlanta_girl this episode was bumped to show weather stuff although I live in Texas. Ray, huh? Who'd a thunk it?
4 of 6 | Posted by geewits | Posted on February 13, 2009 11:11 PM
So Ray told a joke. Who cares? I'm SURE those kids call that kid worse than that! LAME reason to kick him off. It sickens me how the show is obviously favoring the pretty "popular" people, no matter how black-hearted they are on the inside. Why Joel didn't go home last week is a mystery. He has a VIOLENT temper! So he didn't react to the water hitting his shoes. WHY DOES THE LAST TEST ALWAYS OUTWEIGH THE OTHER B.S. THE PEOPLE DO DURING THE SHOW?
I'm starting to think that these kids are getting tipped off by someone about "something" happening before you go into the Hall of Beauty. What are the REAL chances that LLL would have bothered to actually stop and help a HOMELESS MAN!! Let alone SHAKE HIS HAND! I call B.S.
5 of 6 | Posted by Thatswhatshesaid | Posted on February 14, 2009 11:07 AM
I finally gave up waiting for this episode to show up online. Luckily I had your recap -- it's like being there. But in Smell-o-vision.
6 of 6 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 17, 2009 10:19 AM