Whilest CJ helps the woman in fake turmoil, Cheryl's face puckers and produces a single, crystalline tear. And, Man-ique burps. Which is more appalling? Meh, I'd say it's too close to call. Then, the "Jocks" go into wardrobe and LLL keeps bitching about wearing a pleated skirt and not shorts. Hey, I wanna know: what the fuck is wrong with shorts? They're sensible, comfortable and easy to move in. I swear by shorts, LLL and if you can't well...I'm not sure if we can ever be friends. Yep, I mean that. Don't cry, LLL. Someday, someone will want to be besties with you. It might be post-rehab, but I'm not a psychic, I just have a Ph.D. in Psychic-eragnosticism. It's a major. TRUST ME.
it's like a Retarded Model UN.
Paggie asks Jennifer if she is okay, and she passes. Billy, however, seems to have a permanent look of disgust plastered across his face during the wardrobe session. And, of course, he wants as much muscle showing.
Did somebody make a poopy?
Ugh, why is Billy such an asshole? Can he not find a Coke dealer in LA? That sounds like a toughie.
Later, CJ learns he fucked up his foot. And not just because they look fucked up, like the nurse said in the Science challenge.
I love this picture.
CJ starts bunny hopping around and the rest of the team feels screwed. The next day, the beauties get all costumed up in what can only be described as a D grade America's Next Top Model Photo Challenge. Way to pull all the stops, ABC.
The red (jock) team gets all weird and team-y, and Joel tells everyone how their hair should be done. Geez. Why don't you jack all your teammates off while you're at it? Keep the heat up. Billy is equally enamored by Joel's form and penis size during the shoot, and smiles in a crusty, red-eyed coke-y way.
It's not gay if it doesn't leave the gym.
Paggie and LLL look all hot and girly for their photographs, but Billy looks like he's taking a dump mid-air.
Air Poopy
Even better, however, was the blue team. How come Ray always look a little like an English Fop, even while playing basketball?
Oscar Wilde would be proud.
CJ decides he wants creative control over eveything, because, you know, he's never been on the chopping block. Right? He grills Chelsea so she looks like a parapalegic whilest she volleys her ball. Wow, these beauties really know how to rally together, don't they? Watch out world- there might be a constituency of beautiful revolutionaries in our midst. NOT!
Chelsea has a "great picture," meaning one that, uh, didn't make her look like a burn victim but had her hands right in front of her mouth. Again, it was A GREAT PICTURE. God, I wish I could obscure Chelsea's mouth all the time, and remove the word "shocking" from her vocabulary.
Chelsea, give me "Shocked." Um, perfect...?
Man-ique looks good, too, because a shadow obscures her mannish chin. Man, but what about her penis?
But by far is CJ's "Action shot performance." Though I want to smack the zits right off her face sometimes, she was right in saying that CJ looked like a "wet noodle."
Or a fifth grader with leg braces
CJ thought his picture looked "nonchalant." Sure. I mean, come on- you were on the chopping block last week, why would you not put forth um, a little effort? They all awkwardly congratulate each other and go home for a toga party, which quickly makes known that CJ never went to college, and looks at everyone like they are NUTS for knowing what things like "Togas," "greeks," "Alphabet soup" and "buttered popcorn" are.
Buttered popcorn?!!!? You white girls are crazy.
So everyone comes down in their togas, and get their DRANK on. And started acting silly. And, ate grapes. Yawn. Come on, let's see a jack off session, or SOMETHING. Oh good, FINALLY, some Truth or Dare. First question to a cokehead! Billy gets asked on a scale of one to ten how attractive he finds LLL. He says "8.7 and cllimbing..." Ew. Billy's like...87. and LLL can do better, even though her brain could pass for a single cell organism and her accent gets grating. Plus, she's like 22, right? Come on, LLL, at least go for someone who doesn't ooze protein shake.
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Comments (8)
I have a really sick sense of humor, because the look on Man-ique's face while watching the film of herself belching was PRICELESS!
I keep saying I'm not gonna watch anymore of these empty-headed idiots, but I'm totally sucked in.
I almost think CJ's a plant. Yes, a philodendron.
1 of 8 | Posted by scottywrangler | Posted on January 24, 2009 7:18 AM
thanks for the laughs Monamonzano. this show really blows. it's also kind of obvious that Ray and CJ got some kind of a heads up about the "inner beauty" angle. how about LLL coming up with a spur of the moment idea for a toga party and amazingly production just happened to be down stairs laying out a table with grapes and goblets! they must have hired Miss Cleo as head of production since she got out of the hoosegow. she's probably good friends with tyra and that's how she got the job.
2 of 8 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on January 24, 2009 11:31 AM
I'm a bit curious about your sex life at the moment. All the comments on blowing and jacking off. Then I realized..it's par for the course. See soapboxx's comment : "really blows" "heads up" "LLL coming" "hoosegow!!" Thanks for the recap.
3 of 8 | Posted by tadow | Posted on January 24, 2009 11:51 AM
ScottyWrangler: Totally right about Man-ique's face....and I especially liked how she globbed on a ton more fake tanner for the elimination ceremony. and CJ IS philodendron! HAHAHA!
soapboxx: yes! It was LLL's idea. Suure. I'll bet all the PA's visit Ralph's and party supply stores and curse the dumb notion that a "theme" party was even necessary for these people.
tadow: Thanks for reading! Sex is always on my mind. Penis. Vagina. Always.
Sorry so short this week, guys!
4 of 8 | Posted by Monamonzano | Posted on January 24, 2009 5:14 PM
tadow..."hoosegow" means jail or prison. It has nothing to do (directly) with sex.
5 of 8 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on January 25, 2009 8:58 AM
This show is the equivalent of one of those souvenir snow domes -- you know nothing's going to happen, but you just can't help shaking it and watch the snow swirl around.
6 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 25, 2009 11:28 AM
I know that silly, was just having fun :)
7 of 8 | Posted by tadow | Posted on January 26, 2009 4:04 AM
Well, here's one show I'm missing due to my lack of TV at the moment, but thanks for keeping me abreast, Mona!!! Tadow, I can assure you, I ain't gettin' none, and I am always dropping the sex heavy vocab around, sometimes it's embarrassing!!! It blows my mind!!!
8 of 8 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on January 26, 2009 11:37 AM