Hey Yo- I'm sick this week. Blech. Sick like fever but also ill as in cool, or whatever the kids are saying. So sorry if most of my jokes revolve around Sudafed or Hot soup and my pee smelling funny. But, I digress....

This week, the remaining beauties wait for either Ray or LLL to come back from the Hall of Beauty. Encino man thinks Billy's downfall in the competition is his giganti-crush on LLL. DUH. Billy, ever the poet, thinks that Ray is Encino Man's "Smalls" (the dumb-ass nickname for LLL because she's SMALL. GET IT?). And I love how Encino Man, master strategist, feels like he can beat anyone and recognize weakness. He smells it, eats it for breakfast, and poops it out of his well-muscled ass. Oh Encino Man, when will you learn that this fake competition is about not being scary and gross-looking?

But what? Hark!

I smell fake tanner and STDs.....

LLL comes bounding back into the house and brags to everyone about the compliments the judges gave her before she nearly got eliminated.

I'm the sexiest one on the house. But also, they want me to suture my mouth shut.

Encino Man, boy psychologist, still doesn't see the fire in LLL's eyes. Sorry, Encino Man, not all of us can have the aggressiveness of a two year old unspayed pitbull. Plus, we love LLL for her utter lack of stick-to-itveness. Right? She wouldn't be LLL without the discipline of a gaggle of ADHD kids and her ginormous rack. Am I right? And I love how the editors cut to Encino Man's face when LLL said the judges thought she was the sexiest. Of COURSE Encino Man is jealous. Also, LLL has opposable thumbs. Do you, Encino Man? Well, DO YA?

The next morning is like any day: LLL is out half naked on the porch, Paggie does her hair, Encino Man rubs lotion on his nether-parts and Billy prolongs the aging process. Then, the four remaining beauties eat breakfast. As they do this, the Beauty Bus honks at them and they "get outta dodge" according to Encino Man, and into the bus. Why is the program spending so much time on the limo honking at the beauties? Probably because this is going to be an action-packed episode, right? Riiight....

The Ladies clamour to look as made up as possible while Billy drifts into existentialist thought.

Why do we, as mere humans, exist on the planet? I need to make a poopy.

They stop off at a salon, and Encino Man is utterly perplexed as to what kind of challenge could be done in a salon. Okay, Encino Man, really? I am surprised that you don't live in a salon for this program. Then Encino Man makes a dig about Billy getting more highlights. Yeah, I know, this coming from the guy whose sole purpose in life is to look good naked....

Nessie meets them in the Salon and tells the Beauties that they're going to be going to a "High Society Function," (aka, a totally staged party for the purposes of the show) that is "very important" (only within the context of the ABC show True Beauty) and that they'll be "debuting themselves as guest of honor" (making asses of themselves on national television) with a "date," (their moms or dads). Oh, the glamour of hollywood.

Both Billy and Paggie are picturing Nessie naked in this still.

Of course, they will be Judged by how hot they look but also how terrible they will act in front of people. And YEP- their dates are their moms and in Billy's case, their dad.

LLL was expecting her Date would be some strange man (business as usual), but in actuality, it's her Mom, who looks nothing like her! Wow!

Hi. And, I'm so, so sorry.

She's cute for a mom, though. Nessie seems to be acting extra-condescening in front of the Beauties today, raising her eyebrows a lot and asking them if "they're happy with their dates," while a tearful reunion commences. Oh Ness, do you need a 98 degrees ballad to be pumped through the loudspeaker so you can emote a little? Because gosh darnit, I will. That's a promise.

« TVgasm Radio NOW | Main | 24: The Bauer Report »

Posted in True Beauty by Monamonzano at 6:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: thatswhatshesaid on Feb 21, 2009 07:24 PM.