Nessie, explaining quantum physics to Nole.
This week, True Beauty, features Vanessa Hudgens, I mean Manillo, as a personality-less troll with some serious facial expressions and the kiddies get to give to cherity. And by charity, I mean someone besides Chelsea.
Welcome again to True Beauty, the show that brings fakeness, thinly veiled as beauty, into your life at an alarming speed. And friends, I'm not the only one who gets motion sick. Apparently, Chelsea gets sick of getting her ass almost kicked to the curb and looks like she's about to puke...pretty much anyone ever interviews her.
OH, but I have the remedy- 33 mgs of MEGABITCH.
Yeah, a nice dose of egotism makes everyone feel better, right? Even Chelsea, who keeps up the "star quality" talk like she's a broken record, when clearly, she's more a "before" picture on a Proactiv Commercial. Blugggh. Why don't people include "skin that doesn't make me want to fucking cut my eyeballs out" as a criteria for being beautiful, inside and out?
And I LOVE that she runs out of things to say about herself at the end of the first interview after elimination. I would've never believed it if it hadn't been on national television, follks.
And BTW, I ALSO LOVE how the other contestants clearly hope and think Man-Chelsea is the one eliminated. Particularly, Monique, because I think these transgendereds don't like a crowd.
I'm the only one in this house with nuts that fit snugly in a pair of Burberry BIkini Bottoms. ARG!
LLL munches on Doritos and says "Beeeyotch." Wow, I feel like I'm in high school, only with more bleached teeth and STDS than I remember ( And that's hard to believe, considering I went to a public school). SO Chelsea comes strollin' into the house, with her FashionBug red dress and everyone looks well...
Like Boy George?
Very pleased. If pleased means that someone just stuck cottage cheese into their underwear. Or, perhaps we're making new discoveries, folks! Man-ique manages to make some half-assed comment about how Chelsea's boobs look good in her dress, but everyone pretty much wants to skewwer her like the man-witch meat that she is. Even me! I usually root for the underdog, but this underdog...flares her nostrils a lot. And, has balls.
Paggie feels really bad that she put all her shit in the spaces Chelsea's shit used to occupy, blah blah blah. Paggie? Come on. Let's hear about your fucked up childhood more so than where your clothes are stored. I bet your mom pushed you too hard. I bet those cheekbones are implants. I want the shit, Paggie!
And True Beauty then delves right into some Paggie-Cheslea drama, surrounding a pair of citizen jeans. Paggie was missing them, Chelsea has 'em. I know these beauties didn't get a Ph.D. in super-sluttery like I did, but come on- Chelsea needs all the woman-help she can get. If I were Chelsea, I'd steal some duct-tape and push up bras from Man-ique, maybe some anti-frizz from, well, anyone, and some makeup remover from....wait- there isn't makeup remover made on this planet strong enough for the make-under that Chelsea so desperately needs.
Chelsea: The Bitch, The man, the Kleptomaniac.
And I LOVE Chelsea's excuse- "I usually wear a size 25, but I have a 27 because I can't fit into a 25." Wow, Chelsea, you should be a lawyer. Hey, you'd make a great lawyer with a skin condition, don't you think?
Or, Quasimoto. Yes, I'm in career placement.
I like how when Chelsea gets pissed, her nostrils get extra flare-y and she talks slow.
The next day, as evidenced by the sun going down, moon coming up, and sun coming back up again over palm trees, Billy gives us an extra-dose of morning crazy by not shutting up about protein shakes, which I think is a euphamism for Cocaine from the eighties. Get it? Because Billy's a coke-head. And, because he's old! I'm hilarious.
Nessie, Nole and Tiegs all get to the spy room looking...overly made up.
NO, Really. I kill babies. For sport.
Nessie goes from the spy-cave to the mansion to tell the True Beauties that they have one hundred bucks to shop for some clothes on Melrose for a premiere. Yeah, a big Hollywood one. Um...it's at...just, a club. I don't know. Just shut up. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP (Nessie runs away and weeps). Sorry, I just went into italic-fantasy world.
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Comments (4)
Well, for me, in this case, it's not so much that I'm rooting for the underdog as I figure that if ALL of these idiots hate Chelsea, then she's automatically okay. Or less repulsive.
Besides, it's more fun to have her around annoying the hell out of everyone else.
And they really are all complete idiots. Even the judges.
This is definitely one of the strangest shows out there. What a stupid concept.
I kind of like the retarded librarian lady though.
1 of 4 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 15, 2009 4:28 PM
agree itchy one of the strangest shows... these contestants are so bland that they are going to need to start throwing them some script or it wont make it another 6 weeks, if the stolen jeans was scripted then...who am i kidding this shows so bad i can't even come up with anything to comment on.
2 of 4 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on January 15, 2009 10:17 PM
I agree with the other posters. This show is bizarre. Is it bad? Is it funny? what is it, and why can't I look away?
Prior to this show, I'd never seen Vanessa Manillo in action. I always just knew her as Nick Lachey's girlfriend.
In the first episode, she didn't bug me. In the second though? Completely different story.
Does this girl have a personality somewhere?
Can someone please lend her one? Ugh.
And of the "beauties," the only one I actually like (and this is attractive) is CJ.
He seems fairly genuine...but then again, did he, in fact, find out the premise of this show ahead of time?
I really wish I could stop watching this crap.
3 of 4 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on January 16, 2009 10:07 AM
I dunno. I sort of like Chelsea. I mean out of all of the douchebags in the house, she is the only one that sort of keeps my interest.
And what is the freckle orange skin girl's name? She looks really familiar to me like she has been on another show. Does anyone else feel the same?
4 of 4 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on January 23, 2009 1:35 PM