Hey Gasmi, how's it going? How was your week? Do anything exciting, like get attacked by a minotaur, held hostage by vampires, agree to go to Dallas to get vampires to release your friend, go to bible camp where you dreamed about vampires, hung out at a wild Bacchanalian orgy, or maybe just went on a date with an under aged vampire who can't control her fangs? No? Well your life obviously isn't going to hold my attention for 60 minutes, now is it? (Don't feel bad, the only times my own life holds my attention for that period of time; it usually involves me interacting with shiny objects or string) Well, lucky for me the good people at HBO just put out a new episode of True Blood, so let's make the jump and talk about people much more interesting then you and I
Our episode starts with Bill, Sookie, and Jessica in the car coming back from Jessica's folks' house. Bill is so pissed he pulls over on the side of the road, so he can bitch out Sookie. Bill is raging about Sookie undermining his authority, Sookie is saying it wasn't her fault, because Jess didn't do what she was told, and Jess said she hates Bill. Wow kind of like the drives back from family gatherings when we were teenagers, huh? What's that? You say that never happened in your family? Ummmmm, me neither?
Just to get everyone up to speed, Sookie, took Jessica to look at her family's house because Jess missed them. Once they got there Jess knocked on the door and got her mom to invite her in. Jess's dad got home and acted like a colossal jerk, which is when Jess decided to suck the life out of him. Bill showed up at the last second and kept things from getting messy.
Well we come to find out this week that Bill glamoured (think of it as vampire brain washing) Jess's family to forget any of them were ever there. Sounds nice, but how did they explain what Jess's family was supposed to think about the front door blown off the hinges, and that broken plaster from Jess slamming her a-hole daddy into the wall? If I was Bill, I'd blame it on that pesky neighbor dog that won't stop peeing in their azaleas.
Bill's mad at Sookie. Sookie keeps apologizing, and starts getting mad when it becomes painfully obvious that Bill isn't accepting her apology. This gives Sookie the perfect opportunity to get out of the car and storm away threatening to walk all the way home. Bill lets her walk away, even though Jess rightly points out that what Sookie wants is for Bill to follow her and tell her that he "luvvvs" her. It's the right call, but seeing as Jess was recently thiiiiis close to turning her dad into a human Pez dispenser, we're not appointing her the True Blood Miss Manners just yet.
Sookie hears a noise behind her, but thinks it's just Bill trying to scare her to come back into the car. Say what you want about dating a vampire, but when you're out at night you usually don't have to worry about any scary creatures. Only in this case Sookie does, because when she finally turns around there is a scary man bull thing behind her.
Sookie starts running, but it's hard to outrun 7 foot tall bull/man. The thing knocks her down and swipes her with some pretty nasty claws. Bill hears her screaming and finally gets his butt out of the car. He does his super duper fast vampire run, but by the time he shows up whatever swiped Sookie is long gone.
Bill offers Sookie some of his blood, which normally heals whatever is troubling Sookie, but this time she starts puking. Bill's a little stumped when this doesn't work so he has Jess bring the car. The next we see they are hauling ass into the Fangtasia parking lot. Bill sends Jess home, and takes Sookie inside.
When Sookie wakes up, some creepy looking little old lady is examining her. It turns out she's a doctor, well that or she just really likes wearing scrubs and funny hats. Oh and did I mention she's really crabby? Like Larry King is a repeat crabby? She lets Sookie know that she's poisoned, probably dieing, and it was done by a super komodo dragon.
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Comments (6)
Awesome! I just started watching this show last night, finally, and I'm so happy to see you recapping it here! I haven't even finished the recap yet, but this cracked me up:
"He would have asked Sookie, Tara, Lafayette, Arlene, and the coat rack by the front door, but they've all fallen through for not being around because they got mauled by a minotaur, living with a witch who can turn Sam into a dog, being held hostage by vampires or possibly being turned into a vampire, still getting over the fact they got engaged to a serial murderer at Red Lobster, and/or being an inanimate object."
Ha! Now, other than the bit about Arlene, which I don't get because I don't think I've met her yet since I've only watched 2 eps, that just cracked me up!
Oh, and I think juniper berries are used to make gin or some other type of alcohol, not bouillabaisse (sp?). Then again, you may have already addressed this in your recap but I'm only on page 3.
Off to read some more! Thanks for recapping this.
1 of 6 | Posted by zbird | Posted on July 4, 2009 8:36 AM
Well, I wondered when they were going to make Daphne interesting.
I'm just so happy that you're doing this recap. I like getting other people's opinions of what the f*ck is going on! For such a silly little show, you're right, there's some pretty dang good acting going on.
Thanks again!
2 of 6 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on July 4, 2009 2:51 PM
I love your recaps, Waffleboy. I admit, somewhat sheepishly, that I totally love this show. I was wondering about the juniper as well, but then I started wondering if maybe the thing they were cooking up was the heart of that poor sham of an exorcist lady.
Thanks for reminding me that I'm stuck recapping Rock of Love spin-offs, by the way. Jerk. ;)
3 of 6 | Posted by TheMiki | Posted on July 5, 2009 4:28 PM
Um, I love you Waffleboy, but if you're going to tease us with description of a naked fat guy (whose doodle is almost visible) then I think a screencap of said naked fat guy would be in order. I'm just saying, cheap tawdry thrills are my life.
Great recap, though, and I loved the "Your underwear is on backwards, again." Beauty!
love, J-Mo :)
4 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 6, 2009 12:53 PM
Great job! I am quickly becoming obsessed with this show, and will be sure to keep following your hilarious recaps.
I agree the show's premise could be horribly cheesy if not for the GREAT acting that elevates it above crap like 'Twilight'. Anna Paquin is awesome as always, although I sometimes find Sookie annoying (why would you act so "sassy" around monsters who want to eat you?) Nelsan Ellis should seriously win something for his characterization of Lafayette. The scene where he goes home alone after being being kidnapped is heartbreaking in the way he portrays a tough, badass character so vulnerable and traumatized. The actors who play Jason and Eric are also fantastic. I tune in every week not because the writing is great (it's kind of silly at times) but because the characters are interesting and I want to know more about their backstories.
I do agree some of the 'gore' scenes are BEYOND disgusting - specifically when Eric attacks the guy in the basement, and Sookie gets surgery for the minotaur wounds. I'm hardly the squeamish type but I nearly lost my lunch both times!
5 of 6 | Posted by spinal11 | Posted on July 7, 2009 12:10 PM
Hi everyone, thanks for all the comments
zbird, welcome aboard to what is quite possibly the best vampire show with minotaur attacks and shapeshifting on Sunday nights. Oh, Arlene is a waitress at Merlotte's, who was engaged to Rene last season who ended up killing everyone Jason had sex with. Man, the plot on this show is just so straightforward, huh?
lirpa, your very welcome and thanks for giving me a place to spout off every week. Yeah Daphene is finally getting interesting. I mean aside for being the world's worst waitress to have ever worked at Cracker Barrel.
TheMiki, wow awesome guess for what Maryann was serving up in that pot at the party. I like the way you think.
Oh and just so you know I wasn't belittling anyone who does Rock of Love spinoff recaps. You do a much better job then I ever could. If I was recaping Daisy Of Love, every week would be the same post. Stupid people got drunk. The End.
J-Mo, sorry I left you hanging buddy, but this particular fat guy was about 30 pounds overweight, carrying it all in his gut on top of a pair of spindly legs. He kind of looked like a human comma, not the big boned husky boys who normally turn your head so I didn't think about getting a picture for you. It won't happen again buddy. ;)
spinal11, thanks for that great description of Lafayette coming home. It was a great scene and some of the best acting I've seen on this show. Oh, and I'm looking forward to see what happens to Lafayette this week, seeing as Eric was at his front door in the trailer for the next episode.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for your great comments and we'll talk soon.
6 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 9, 2009 5:53 AM