Cut to the next day over at Maryann's. Tara is wandering into the kitchen where Maryann and her creepy butler type dude are huddled over a big pot of something (I want to say it's bouillabaisse, but as far as I can tell they never say what is in the pot, and come to think of it I haven't heard of a lot of recipes that use juniper berries in bouillabaisse, so I guess we'll just have to go with a big pot of something.)
Tara starts off the day with a breakfast of coffee, and decides to ask Maryann why Sam hates her. Maryann says Sam hates her because Tara is just so spanking wonderful that he can't stand to see Tara spending time with Maryann now instead of him. Yeah, that must be it, but the possibility that this hostility may be caused by Maryann turning Sam into a body double for Lassie at will is never really explored.
If Tara put 10 seconds of rational thought into what Maryann just told her, she might get a little suspicious, but Maryann promptly offers her a Bob Marley joint. Pot for breakfast? You know, if Maryann walked around all day in a ratty bathrobe, lived on Fruit Loops, and mac and cheese, and set up her academic career around catching repeats of I Dream of Jeanie, she could be the soul mate of a roommate I had in college. I wonder if she was geology major too?
Well the good news is Sam isn't taking Maryann's turning him into a dog the night before lying down. Nope, he's handling this situation the way any grown man would. He's packing up his car so he can get the hell out of town. He's called Terry the cook down to ask him to take care of the bar
Terry the cook isn't too happy to hear this news. Terry doesn't like pressure, mainly because even though they've never flat out said it, the show really hints that the poor guy is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder from serving in Iraq.
Terry tells Sam if he were Sam, Terry wouldn't be his first choice, and Sam admits he wasn't. He would have asked Sookie, Tara, Lafayette, Arlene, and the coat rack by the front door, but they've all fallen through for not being around because they got mauled by a minotaur, living with a witch who can turn Sam into a dog, being held hostage by vampires or possibly being turned into a vampire, still getting over the fact they got engaged to a serial murderer at Red Lobster, and/or being an inanimate object. Terry is the last hope Bon Temps has of getting shooters and wings for happy hour, so how can he say no?
Terry says he'll do it, but get pissed and accuses Sam of running away, which Sam quickly denies. This denial would be a lot stronger if we didn't see a box in the back of his truck marked "den."
Over at Camp HateAVampire, Jason is at a prayer circle/why we hate vampires meeting where everyone is supposed to talk about how vampires ruined their lives. The only problem is even a dim bulb like Jason knows the fanged set isn't really responsible for his problems. Jason gets a little ticked, and tells everyone the only reason he came to camp is he was looking for a sign from God, but seeing as his underwear is on backwards, again; it's obvious the Lord has forsaken him. Jason then walks out of the meeting.
This causes Sarah, or as I think we'll call her from now on, The Plastic Preacherette, to come after Jason. She tells Jason about how she used to like vampires too right up until her sister got hooked on V and disappeared, so that's why them danged old vamps are evil. She gets Jason to stick around, and they get down on their knees and pray that God can get Jason into his briefs the right way tomorrow.
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Comments (6)
Awesome! I just started watching this show last night, finally, and I'm so happy to see you recapping it here! I haven't even finished the recap yet, but this cracked me up:
"He would have asked Sookie, Tara, Lafayette, Arlene, and the coat rack by the front door, but they've all fallen through for not being around because they got mauled by a minotaur, living with a witch who can turn Sam into a dog, being held hostage by vampires or possibly being turned into a vampire, still getting over the fact they got engaged to a serial murderer at Red Lobster, and/or being an inanimate object."
Ha! Now, other than the bit about Arlene, which I don't get because I don't think I've met her yet since I've only watched 2 eps, that just cracked me up!
Oh, and I think juniper berries are used to make gin or some other type of alcohol, not bouillabaisse (sp?). Then again, you may have already addressed this in your recap but I'm only on page 3.
Off to read some more! Thanks for recapping this.
1 of 6 | Posted by zbird | Posted on July 4, 2009 8:36 AM
Well, I wondered when they were going to make Daphne interesting.
I'm just so happy that you're doing this recap. I like getting other people's opinions of what the f*ck is going on! For such a silly little show, you're right, there's some pretty dang good acting going on.
Thanks again!
2 of 6 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on July 4, 2009 2:51 PM
I love your recaps, Waffleboy. I admit, somewhat sheepishly, that I totally love this show. I was wondering about the juniper as well, but then I started wondering if maybe the thing they were cooking up was the heart of that poor sham of an exorcist lady.
Thanks for reminding me that I'm stuck recapping Rock of Love spin-offs, by the way. Jerk. ;)
3 of 6 | Posted by TheMiki | Posted on July 5, 2009 4:28 PM
Um, I love you Waffleboy, but if you're going to tease us with description of a naked fat guy (whose doodle is almost visible) then I think a screencap of said naked fat guy would be in order. I'm just saying, cheap tawdry thrills are my life.
Great recap, though, and I loved the "Your underwear is on backwards, again." Beauty!
love, J-Mo :)
4 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 6, 2009 12:53 PM
Great job! I am quickly becoming obsessed with this show, and will be sure to keep following your hilarious recaps.
I agree the show's premise could be horribly cheesy if not for the GREAT acting that elevates it above crap like 'Twilight'. Anna Paquin is awesome as always, although I sometimes find Sookie annoying (why would you act so "sassy" around monsters who want to eat you?) Nelsan Ellis should seriously win something for his characterization of Lafayette. The scene where he goes home alone after being being kidnapped is heartbreaking in the way he portrays a tough, badass character so vulnerable and traumatized. The actors who play Jason and Eric are also fantastic. I tune in every week not because the writing is great (it's kind of silly at times) but because the characters are interesting and I want to know more about their backstories.
I do agree some of the 'gore' scenes are BEYOND disgusting - specifically when Eric attacks the guy in the basement, and Sookie gets surgery for the minotaur wounds. I'm hardly the squeamish type but I nearly lost my lunch both times!
5 of 6 | Posted by spinal11 | Posted on July 7, 2009 12:10 PM
Hi everyone, thanks for all the comments
zbird, welcome aboard to what is quite possibly the best vampire show with minotaur attacks and shapeshifting on Sunday nights. Oh, Arlene is a waitress at Merlotte's, who was engaged to Rene last season who ended up killing everyone Jason had sex with. Man, the plot on this show is just so straightforward, huh?
lirpa, your very welcome and thanks for giving me a place to spout off every week. Yeah Daphene is finally getting interesting. I mean aside for being the world's worst waitress to have ever worked at Cracker Barrel.
TheMiki, wow awesome guess for what Maryann was serving up in that pot at the party. I like the way you think.
Oh and just so you know I wasn't belittling anyone who does Rock of Love spinoff recaps. You do a much better job then I ever could. If I was recaping Daisy Of Love, every week would be the same post. Stupid people got drunk. The End.
J-Mo, sorry I left you hanging buddy, but this particular fat guy was about 30 pounds overweight, carrying it all in his gut on top of a pair of spindly legs. He kind of looked like a human comma, not the big boned husky boys who normally turn your head so I didn't think about getting a picture for you. It won't happen again buddy. ;)
spinal11, thanks for that great description of Lafayette coming home. It was a great scene and some of the best acting I've seen on this show. Oh, and I'm looking forward to see what happens to Lafayette this week, seeing as Eric was at his front door in the trailer for the next episode.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for your great comments and we'll talk soon.
6 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 9, 2009 5:53 AM