Sookie wakes at Fangtasia and checks out her back. Everything is good as new, just like it was all makeup, never happened. While she's looking in the mirror, the waitress with a worse dye job then Sookie's brings her a peanut butter and chocolate syrup sandwich. (Which if it had been on graham crackers would make her the ideal candidate for this waffleboy's personal chef). While Sookie and the waitress, whose name is Ginger, are shooting the poop, Ginger says something that gets Sookie to read her mind, and Sookie finds out Eric is keeping Lafayette down in the basement. Sookie also reads Ginger's mind and finds out about the gun under the cash register and makes Ginger take her down in the basement.
The mystery of what happened to Lafayette last week gets answered. Eric didn't turn him into a vampire, and Lafayette looks like a guy who got shot, had a bunch of vampires treat him like a steam table at an all you can eat buffet, and has been locked in a vampire's basement for two weeks. That is to say, he looks like poop. Sookie tells Lafayette not to worry because she is going to get him out of there and stomps off to have a snit.
Back at Maryann's Eggo is playing the guitar and Tara who is slinking around in a long slinky dress (the prefect outfit for slinking) tells him he's great. Eggo launches in to another long spiel about how Maryann turned his life around and blah, blah, blah, it turns out Tara is 45 minutes late for work and she Eggo are too drunk to drive, so she just isn't going into work, and if she gets fired, well it won't be the first time. Yeah Tara, that's true, but it will be the fist time you get canned by a guy who can turn into a beagle, and that's not something you see on a resume every day.
I guess the sun has gone down, because Bill is up, and Sookie can't wait to tear him a new one for Lafayette being locked up in the basement. Bill becomes the first vampire in history to flash a who farted look because he thought she was still pissed about their argument from the night before, but he's getting hit with something completely out of the blue. I don't know if it's funny or sad that an unholy creature of the night can get the shell shocked boyfriend look, but I'm leaning towards funny at this point.
Luckily for Bill Eric shows up and says yeah he put Lafayette (or as Sookie keeps calling him "La-FI-ette") in his basement, because Lafayette was trading sex for vampire blood with Eddie, the lovable gay vampire, which is a pretty serious vampire crime. Serious enough to get locked up in the basement of a theme bar anyway.
Now that Eric has shown up, Sookie can really cut loose. She gives him a good piece of her mind about how he can't just chain people up in his basement, and La-FI-ette is a friend of hers. Then she gives Eric a good hard slap in the face, and generally behaves like a main character that has zero chance of getting eaten in the next ten seconds for getting mouthy. Eric actually thinks the slap is kind of funny, but when Sookie mentions going to the police, out come his fangs.
Eric tells Sookie he doesn't respond well to threats, but if she and Bill will step in his office he is sure they can work something out. Uh oh Sookie, be careful, when they get you in their office that's where they try to sell you the undercoating option.
Over at Merlotte's Sam's leaving a voice message for boozy Tara telling her it's okay if she doesn't come into work, but just to watch herself over at Maryann's. Arlene comes in and she's late and apologizing. She tells a good story about her kids watching Next Top Model, and her daughter giving her younger brother a nose piercing which made me laugh. It could have been worse Arlene, if you're kids really imitated Top Model, they'd go on a tick tacks and cigarettes diet. Sam kind of gets a kick out of the story too, and tells Arlene just to get ready for work.
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Comments (6)
Awesome! I just started watching this show last night, finally, and I'm so happy to see you recapping it here! I haven't even finished the recap yet, but this cracked me up:
"He would have asked Sookie, Tara, Lafayette, Arlene, and the coat rack by the front door, but they've all fallen through for not being around because they got mauled by a minotaur, living with a witch who can turn Sam into a dog, being held hostage by vampires or possibly being turned into a vampire, still getting over the fact they got engaged to a serial murderer at Red Lobster, and/or being an inanimate object."
Ha! Now, other than the bit about Arlene, which I don't get because I don't think I've met her yet since I've only watched 2 eps, that just cracked me up!
Oh, and I think juniper berries are used to make gin or some other type of alcohol, not bouillabaisse (sp?). Then again, you may have already addressed this in your recap but I'm only on page 3.
Off to read some more! Thanks for recapping this.
1 of 6 | Posted by zbird | Posted on July 4, 2009 8:36 AM
Well, I wondered when they were going to make Daphne interesting.
I'm just so happy that you're doing this recap. I like getting other people's opinions of what the f*ck is going on! For such a silly little show, you're right, there's some pretty dang good acting going on.
Thanks again!
2 of 6 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on July 4, 2009 2:51 PM
I love your recaps, Waffleboy. I admit, somewhat sheepishly, that I totally love this show. I was wondering about the juniper as well, but then I started wondering if maybe the thing they were cooking up was the heart of that poor sham of an exorcist lady.
Thanks for reminding me that I'm stuck recapping Rock of Love spin-offs, by the way. Jerk. ;)
3 of 6 | Posted by TheMiki | Posted on July 5, 2009 4:28 PM
Um, I love you Waffleboy, but if you're going to tease us with description of a naked fat guy (whose doodle is almost visible) then I think a screencap of said naked fat guy would be in order. I'm just saying, cheap tawdry thrills are my life.
Great recap, though, and I loved the "Your underwear is on backwards, again." Beauty!
love, J-Mo :)
4 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 6, 2009 12:53 PM
Great job! I am quickly becoming obsessed with this show, and will be sure to keep following your hilarious recaps.
I agree the show's premise could be horribly cheesy if not for the GREAT acting that elevates it above crap like 'Twilight'. Anna Paquin is awesome as always, although I sometimes find Sookie annoying (why would you act so "sassy" around monsters who want to eat you?) Nelsan Ellis should seriously win something for his characterization of Lafayette. The scene where he goes home alone after being being kidnapped is heartbreaking in the way he portrays a tough, badass character so vulnerable and traumatized. The actors who play Jason and Eric are also fantastic. I tune in every week not because the writing is great (it's kind of silly at times) but because the characters are interesting and I want to know more about their backstories.
I do agree some of the 'gore' scenes are BEYOND disgusting - specifically when Eric attacks the guy in the basement, and Sookie gets surgery for the minotaur wounds. I'm hardly the squeamish type but I nearly lost my lunch both times!
5 of 6 | Posted by spinal11 | Posted on July 7, 2009 12:10 PM
Hi everyone, thanks for all the comments
zbird, welcome aboard to what is quite possibly the best vampire show with minotaur attacks and shapeshifting on Sunday nights. Oh, Arlene is a waitress at Merlotte's, who was engaged to Rene last season who ended up killing everyone Jason had sex with. Man, the plot on this show is just so straightforward, huh?
lirpa, your very welcome and thanks for giving me a place to spout off every week. Yeah Daphene is finally getting interesting. I mean aside for being the world's worst waitress to have ever worked at Cracker Barrel.
TheMiki, wow awesome guess for what Maryann was serving up in that pot at the party. I like the way you think.
Oh and just so you know I wasn't belittling anyone who does Rock of Love spinoff recaps. You do a much better job then I ever could. If I was recaping Daisy Of Love, every week would be the same post. Stupid people got drunk. The End.
J-Mo, sorry I left you hanging buddy, but this particular fat guy was about 30 pounds overweight, carrying it all in his gut on top of a pair of spindly legs. He kind of looked like a human comma, not the big boned husky boys who normally turn your head so I didn't think about getting a picture for you. It won't happen again buddy. ;)
spinal11, thanks for that great description of Lafayette coming home. It was a great scene and some of the best acting I've seen on this show. Oh, and I'm looking forward to see what happens to Lafayette this week, seeing as Eric was at his front door in the trailer for the next episode.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for your great comments and we'll talk soon.
6 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 9, 2009 5:53 AM