That's it; Tara hops out of the hot tub. The party is over for our little missy. She makes such a fast beeline back to the house she doesn't notice that some people's eyes are getting completely black which means some supernatural monkeyshines are afoot.
Eggo catches up to Tara in the house and tries to get her to come back to the threeway, party, but Tara makes it clear that any sort of swinging is not an option in her relationships. Being a convicted armed robber, drug dealer, or somebody who plays the acoustic guitar at parties? Tara can do a work around for all this stuff, but bring one little big boobed massage therapist into the mix (Who I might point out is licensed, with like a piece of paper from the state with a stamp on it and everything) and Tara is ready to go back to eating soup for one. Eggo tries to get Tara to come back outside, but she decides to go to her room.
Sam is getting ready to flee the country, call it a night when a dog shows up. It is the dog that Sam sort of uses as a model to shapeshift into. Sam tells the dog he wouldn't leave without saying goodbye, and then he and the dog go running off into the night as Sam sheds his clothes. Kind of hard to believe this guy is single, huh ladies?
Bill and Sookie get back to his place, and are ready to start making with the vampire sex, but Bill glances over into the other room and sees Jess crawled up on top of somebody. Bill does the super fast vampire run across the room and throws Jess across the room into the corner. Jess's fangs are out but she is swearing she wasn't going to bite Hoyt. Hoyt's okay, but his shirt is off which pretty much means Jess got to second base with him. Bill's fangs are out, and Sookie is telling him to calm down, welcome to living with a teenager Bill.
Dog form Sam and his friend the dog run down this pier and Sam jumps into the lake where he turns back into Sam. The real dog won't jump in the water even though Sam tells him the water is fine. He seems kind of concerned, like there might be danger afoot, or he's worried that the international banking system may be primed for hyper-inflation. Hey Collies are a smart breed. What do you mean they don't keep up with current monetary trends?
The dog takes off, and Sam keeps swimming which is good for us because Sammy doesn't exactly have the most cable neeked friendly body on the show. While he's swimming, somebody walks up the dock. Hey it's Daphne, the world's worst waitress. She and Sam flirt for a little bit and then she decides to join Sam for a little swim. She peels off her top, and we see one of those big minotaur scars running up her back. The End.
Well, that's this week's episode, what did everyone think?
Oh, after ripping everyone on this show a new pooper for almost 5,000 words I should mention the parts that I thought were really good.
For all the crap I give Jason Stackhouse for making morons look dumb, Ryan Kwanten, the guy who play him does a great job bringing that quality dumbness to the screen. You can really see this with the little things he does in his scene with Reverend Steve-o. That little bit with him awkwardly getting a piece of food off of his fork while Steve-o was talking, and him turning around outside expecting to see a battle when Steve-o said there was a war out there, were two nice pieces of physical comedy.
I didn't say anything about when Lafayette got home, mainly because it was too good a scene. If everyone in this series acted as well as Nelsan Ellis did in this scene, I'd be forced to make fun of Rock of Love spinoffs.
"You get to live here? Pretty Cool."
"Not Really. It's full of his creepy old stuff and he makes me sleep in a hole."
"Yeah, I know what you mean; my momma stores her doll collection in my closet."
A great bit of dialogue in a really sweet scene with Jess and Hoyt (Hoyt?)
Anyway, that's it for this week's excitement. I guess I'll see you all after the next episode
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Comments (6)
Awesome! I just started watching this show last night, finally, and I'm so happy to see you recapping it here! I haven't even finished the recap yet, but this cracked me up:
"He would have asked Sookie, Tara, Lafayette, Arlene, and the coat rack by the front door, but they've all fallen through for not being around because they got mauled by a minotaur, living with a witch who can turn Sam into a dog, being held hostage by vampires or possibly being turned into a vampire, still getting over the fact they got engaged to a serial murderer at Red Lobster, and/or being an inanimate object."
Ha! Now, other than the bit about Arlene, which I don't get because I don't think I've met her yet since I've only watched 2 eps, that just cracked me up!
Oh, and I think juniper berries are used to make gin or some other type of alcohol, not bouillabaisse (sp?). Then again, you may have already addressed this in your recap but I'm only on page 3.
Off to read some more! Thanks for recapping this.
1 of 6 | Posted by zbird | Posted on July 4, 2009 8:36 AM
Well, I wondered when they were going to make Daphne interesting.
I'm just so happy that you're doing this recap. I like getting other people's opinions of what the f*ck is going on! For such a silly little show, you're right, there's some pretty dang good acting going on.
Thanks again!
2 of 6 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on July 4, 2009 2:51 PM
I love your recaps, Waffleboy. I admit, somewhat sheepishly, that I totally love this show. I was wondering about the juniper as well, but then I started wondering if maybe the thing they were cooking up was the heart of that poor sham of an exorcist lady.
Thanks for reminding me that I'm stuck recapping Rock of Love spin-offs, by the way. Jerk. ;)
3 of 6 | Posted by TheMiki | Posted on July 5, 2009 4:28 PM
Um, I love you Waffleboy, but if you're going to tease us with description of a naked fat guy (whose doodle is almost visible) then I think a screencap of said naked fat guy would be in order. I'm just saying, cheap tawdry thrills are my life.
Great recap, though, and I loved the "Your underwear is on backwards, again." Beauty!
love, J-Mo :)
4 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 6, 2009 12:53 PM
Great job! I am quickly becoming obsessed with this show, and will be sure to keep following your hilarious recaps.
I agree the show's premise could be horribly cheesy if not for the GREAT acting that elevates it above crap like 'Twilight'. Anna Paquin is awesome as always, although I sometimes find Sookie annoying (why would you act so "sassy" around monsters who want to eat you?) Nelsan Ellis should seriously win something for his characterization of Lafayette. The scene where he goes home alone after being being kidnapped is heartbreaking in the way he portrays a tough, badass character so vulnerable and traumatized. The actors who play Jason and Eric are also fantastic. I tune in every week not because the writing is great (it's kind of silly at times) but because the characters are interesting and I want to know more about their backstories.
I do agree some of the 'gore' scenes are BEYOND disgusting - specifically when Eric attacks the guy in the basement, and Sookie gets surgery for the minotaur wounds. I'm hardly the squeamish type but I nearly lost my lunch both times!
5 of 6 | Posted by spinal11 | Posted on July 7, 2009 12:10 PM
Hi everyone, thanks for all the comments
zbird, welcome aboard to what is quite possibly the best vampire show with minotaur attacks and shapeshifting on Sunday nights. Oh, Arlene is a waitress at Merlotte's, who was engaged to Rene last season who ended up killing everyone Jason had sex with. Man, the plot on this show is just so straightforward, huh?
lirpa, your very welcome and thanks for giving me a place to spout off every week. Yeah Daphene is finally getting interesting. I mean aside for being the world's worst waitress to have ever worked at Cracker Barrel.
TheMiki, wow awesome guess for what Maryann was serving up in that pot at the party. I like the way you think.
Oh and just so you know I wasn't belittling anyone who does Rock of Love spinoff recaps. You do a much better job then I ever could. If I was recaping Daisy Of Love, every week would be the same post. Stupid people got drunk. The End.
J-Mo, sorry I left you hanging buddy, but this particular fat guy was about 30 pounds overweight, carrying it all in his gut on top of a pair of spindly legs. He kind of looked like a human comma, not the big boned husky boys who normally turn your head so I didn't think about getting a picture for you. It won't happen again buddy. ;)
spinal11, thanks for that great description of Lafayette coming home. It was a great scene and some of the best acting I've seen on this show. Oh, and I'm looking forward to see what happens to Lafayette this week, seeing as Eric was at his front door in the trailer for the next episode.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for your great comments and we'll talk soon.
6 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on July 9, 2009 5:53 AM