Whoa Nelly, is there a better show on TV right now then True Blood? Errrr, I mean is there a better show about vampires, crappy mind reading skills, and what to do when a vampire girlfriend you haven't seen in 70 years sneaks in your hotel room and pins you to the bed and makes out with you so you can't go rescue your Chatty Cathy human girlfriend from a bunch of vaguely homicidal born again wingnuts? My point exactly, so make the jump and see what those kooky kids from Bon Temps have gotten up to this week
Our episode starts in Dallas at the super swanky vampire hotel. Eric is down in the bar with a...you know; I don't know what to call her. She's not a prostitute because they aren't having sex, but Eric is paying her to suck her blood. I'm going to call her a blooker.
Anyway, Eric is getting topped off with his blooker and gets a little depressed because she calls him baby and he's a thousand years old. You know, Eric throws that thousand year old bit out all the time, it kind of sounds like someone is hinting for a party. Well that or he's angling for an AARP discount with his blooker. Hey grandpa, if you want a senior's discount, there's an Arby's down the street.
Well actually Eric's main problem is he likes his meals to be, well, a little squirmy. The blooker tries to fake it, and Eric isn't really buying it, but hey a guy's gotta eat, right?
You know this is one of those scenes that show me I would never want to be a vampire. I mean, I never expect a milk shake to entertain me while I'm eating it, and not that it would ever have to. You had me at hello, ice cream and ice cream based desserts. Wait, what the hell was I talking about? Oh the show! Thanks, you're the bestest.
It's right about here where that slinky girl vampire who made Bill shows up. Eric sends his blooker away and tells Slinky he wasn't sure she was going to show up, and Slinky makes some crack about Eric being a terrible liar. I could mention about someone being a craptastic actress, but I'd like to have something to talk about later in the post.
After the opening credits we cut to Bill and Sookie making out. There's a knock at the door, which Sookie doesn't want Bill to answer, but if he doesn't the plot isn't going anywhere tonight. First Bill uses his super duper vampire powers to make sure it's safe (he asks who's there), and then when he opens the door we see it's spicy Latin vampire Isabel and some creepy looking dude with a receding hairline.
We come to find out the creepy guy with the receding hairline is Isabel's human boyfriend, Hugo, and Isabel thinks he should go with Sookie when she goes to do her Amazing Kreskin act at the Fellowship of the Sun. Isabel's logic is that the wing nuts over at Camp HateAVampire won't be as suspicious of Sookie if a man is with her, because church going folks don't like uppity independent women. Oh and lesbians too, and gays, and people who don't vote the way they do, and those people who go to that other church down the street...look I'm just going to stop now because my hands are starting to cramp, okay? Anyway, they won't be as suspicious of Sookie if she shows up with a man, even one who looks like Hugo.
Bill's not convinced, but Sookie reads Hugo's mind and sees that he loves her, and that's good enough for her. Actually when she reads his mind he's thinking he loves Isabel forever and ever and ever and ever and...I mentioned he's a little creepy right?
Back down in the hotel bar Eric and Lorena are having a little powwow. It turns out Eric wants Lorena to put the moves on Bill, so Eric can have a clear shot at Sookie. Lorena gets a little snippy about all these vampire dudes getting worked up over a human. Eric says he thinks Sookie is more then human. Well maybe Eric, but she's not a robot here from the future to save us all from killer robots, so whatevers dude.
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Comments (4)
This is, by far, your funniest recap of the show yet. Thanks!
1 of 4 | Posted by lillybaby | Posted on August 5, 2009 3:41 AM
Lillybaby,
thank you for the compliment and thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment on these posts. They are all greatly appreciated.
Sorry last week's post was so late I'm just about done with this week's and am really going to try to get these posted at a decent interval.
2 of 4 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on August 7, 2009 2:13 PM
May I also point out re the accents that no one outside of Cali says "the" before highway numbers? At least, no one in the South does. And I'm sorry but Anna Paquin is just an awful actress. Still, love the show and the recaps are awesome.
3 of 4 | Posted by maryedith | Posted on August 8, 2009 12:46 PM
Hi maryedith,
It's funny the little things that really give people away with accents, huh? To be honest I hadn't really noticed the "the" before highway nymber things and that is more of a Socal thing then up in my neck of the woods. Do they do it a lot? I ask because about the only time I can think of this coming up would have been when Daphne asked Sam to go get sweet potato pancakes with her.
As for whether or not Anna Paquin is a decent actress, I'm trying to keep an open mind because the only things I've really seen her in are this and the X-Men movies, and I think Meryl Streep would have a hard time showing off her chops in either of these messes.
Anyway thanks for stopping by and I'm glad you're enjoying the posts.
4 of 4 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on August 10, 2009 11:45 AM