When people cry it means they care, or they are chopping onions, or got kicked in the nuts, but usually it means they care. It works the same way for vampires only they cry blood and this week on True Blood there was so much vampire caring going on that it was like being around an outbreak of the Ebola Virus. Oh and Andy became the smartest guy in Bon Temps, Hoyt and Jess got de-virginified, and everyone's favorite short order cook got his pizzazz back. So make the jump and see what happened this week.
Our episode starts with the one voice of logic and reason in Bon Temps, Andy Bellefleur
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Okay, Andy's a mess. He's drunk he's running though woods bellowing, "PIGGGGGGGG!" But when you consider that pretty much everyone else in town are rolling around in the dirt humping their brains out with those creepy all black bad hoodoo eyes Andy is looking like the captain of the Bon Temps academic decathlon team. Granted they're going to get smoked by every preschool in the county, but as of right now Andy's packing the big brain in town.
Meanwhile, Sam's had better times at parties then he's having at this one. He's on his knees with Eggo holding him down while Maryann is working on sprouting her minotaur claws. Tara comes over and licks Sam's face and goes dancing off and it looks like everyone is getting ready to see what Sam's heart looks like.
It's right about then that Andy stumbles on to this little shindig and he was not expecting a freaky deaky magic orgy with a human sacrifice as the as the main entertainment. He ends up firing his gun without really meaning too. Don't feel bad Andy that happens to a lot of guys. Well not to me, very often, lately, hey who wants to talk television?
This brings the whole party to a temporary halt, which gives Sam the opportunity to pull a reverse head but on Eggo, give Daphne a solid right cross (that's for not filling the salt and pepper shakers last shift biatch!) and boogie on out of the clearing. Maryann takes off after him in hot pursuit and everyone with the blacked out eyes starts howling like the vending machine at work is out of Snickers bars. Hey if you don't scream they don't fill it up, that's just common sense people.
Sam is running for his life, but it doesn't look too good because Maryann is gaining on him and those minotaur claws have that super badass Komodo Dragon poison. Right when Maryann is about to catch Sam, he sees an owl in a tree and turns into an owl and flies away. Maryann takes off her big bull mask, looks a little exasperated and we cut to the opening credits.
Back at the clearing Andy is trying to set the record for the largest citizen's arrest made by a guy with a blood alcohol level of "Weeeeeeeeeee the room is spinning!" Too bad nobody is hanging around to get arrested. Everyone is just stumbling off into the woods naked looking for their clothes, kind of like when the annual company picnic breaks up. (Oh yeah, yours are really boring, sorry I forgot.) Andy sees his cousin, Terry the cook, and tells him to put some pants on. Seeing as Terry is wearing some saggy red briefs I'm completely on board with Andy on this one. Too bad Terry has those big black voodoo eyes, and knocks Andy to the ground and breaks his arm. Terry and Arlene, who is also sporting voodoo eyes, get a case of the giggles and go running off, hopefully looking for Terry's pants.
Sookie and Hugo are locked in a supply closet of the basement at Camp HateAVampire and we find out that Hugo is like really super duper claustrophobic, which we should care about because? Anyone want to help me out here? Anyone at all? Anyway, Sookie tells Hugo to calm down because everything is going to be all right, because she is the star of the show.
Sookie does say she's a little worried because Bill is going to know she's in trouble and coming running to rescue her. Hugo wants to know why this is a bad thing. Good question Hugo, I'm sorry I made fun of him for being afraid of elevators. Okay, not that much, but kind of, and it's the thought that counts, right?
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Comments (6)
Awesome job as always. I've always been scared to take on a show I actually enjoy because they're so much harder to make fun of than the trashtastic drivel that I recap, so nice work.
Did anyone else notice that "Bleeding Love" was playing in the background during the Hoyt/Jessica deflowering scene? How adorable...
1 of 6 | Posted by TheMiki | Posted on August 9, 2009 4:49 AM
Ha! Great recap waffleboy!
I especially loved this lead-in to the Oprah pic: "Daphne is telling us is God is a middle aged woman who spouts a near constant stream of new age psycho babble and can control people like robots?" Hilarious!
2 of 6 | Posted by zbird | Posted on August 10, 2009 1:11 PM
Waffleboy! Just one word: Brilliant!
love to you!
J-Mo :)
3 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 11, 2009 2:01 PM
Hi y'all,
TheMiki, thank you for the complements. I got very lucky when Flipit let me recap this show, because it is fun to watch, but it has an innate goofiness that I can usually find things to have fun with each episode.
Zbird, I'm so glad you enjoyed the recap, and to be honest, I really liked that joke too, so thank you.
J-Mo, you Pheeeee-nominal human being you, any complement from you is always appreciated and love right back at you big guy.
4 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on August 11, 2009 11:25 PM
Great re-cap Waffleboy! I don't have HBO so I am watching vicariously through your recaps and loving your quick dry wit. I find myself re-reading your posts just to make sure I didn't miss one bit of thrown-in snarkiness. Bravo!
I read the series and I have to say the produders take a LOT of liberties. I swear, Sookie is not as annoying in the books.
Seeing how hot they've made Godric in the series, I sincerely hope that the series continues to take liberties with the plot ala Lafayette. No spoilers here.
Thanks for the great re-caps
5 of 6 | Posted by cbc-cca | Posted on August 12, 2009 8:47 AM
cbc-cca,
Thank you for the nice comment, and I'm glad to hear I can keep you up to date on the show, I've been without HBO before when they had a show running that I liked so I feel your pain. When the season DVD comes out, I would highly suggest buying, renting, or borrowing it from a friend because this season has been a lot of fun.
As for Sookie being more annoying on TV then in the books which I've heard from just about everyone who's read the series, from what I've heard and read in the books Sookie is the narrator, so you get to see what she's thinking before she goes off and does something that is kind of dumb. This is opposed to the TV show where she just seems to do things whenever an idea pops into her head. At least that's my guess.
Anyway, thanks for the compliments and I hope you get a chance to see the show for yourself someday.
6 of 6 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on August 13, 2009 8:33 AM