True Blood: Very Special Lessons In Paintball, Nut Shots, And Awkward Hugs

Hi Gasmi, well another week, another great episode of True Blood, but I can't help noticing something has been missing from this show, the very special episodes. Sure we get to see people get cable neeked and vampires chomping on people, but where is the very special episode where the kids learn a valuable lesson about life? The one drawback of this show is it doesn't talk about not judging other kids by their looks, or take a look at how teen suicide affects Michael J. Fox, or that Mr. Carlson from WKRP wants to get into Gary Coleman's pants.

Well I'm not going to take this laying down. It's like I always say, if God gives you lemons, you're doomed to choke down some incredibly bitter liquid the next time you're thirsty, but that doesn't mean you can't work a feeble comparison to 90's teen sitcoms into your recap. So let's see the kids from Bon Temps learn getting shot in the gonads with a paintball gun really, really hurts, that when a young vampire girl meets the right boy she can become a woman, at least until her hymen grows back and then she'll feel like a disgusting freak, and that vampires and humans really can get along, as long as they aren't blowing each other up. See you after the jump

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By the way, Blossom? Totally not a vampire. I know, I was shocked too

This week's episode starts right where last week left off; Godric is holding the big ex-wrestler dude by his ear, like he's just about to give him a good talking to for the monkeyshines he was pulling in the last episode. Or he can snap the big ex-wrestler dude's neck like a twig, I mean that was your next guess right?

At first this might seem a little over the top, but considering the big ex-wrestler dude spent the day trying to kill Jason and gain forcible entry into Sookie's granny panties, it's not that big of a shock. If you add in the way he was constantly giving people grief for their chain link fence climbing ability, he was sort of the world's super duper extra creepiest high school PE teacher. Anyway, it's too late to worry now; he's gone to those big showers in the sky to tape Larry Lester's butt cheeks together. We'll all miss you big guy, and when I say we, I mean nobody.

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Suck it big ex-wrestler dude


Godric tells Sookie she shouldn't have come, and is it too early in the post to point out Godric blinks about as often as Dakota Fanning? Oh and actually Godric, Sookie really did need to come and get you because otherwise we would have spent another 10 minutes last week with Bill and Lorena and there was entirely too much eyeball bleeding going on as it was. We hear a noise and Sookie thinks it's Bill, but Godric knows his boyfriend, long time companion is the one coming through the door.


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I now dub thee Nonblinky


Eric shows up and Godric tells him he shouldn't have sent the humans. God he's still going on about this? I don't care how many necks he snaps, until he gets a producer's credit he needs to give it a rest.

Some alarms start going off, so Godric tells Eric to get Sookie out of the church, oh and not to hurt anyone while doing it. Wow, too bad for the big ex-wrestler dude this interest in non-violence didn't surface say five minutes earlier, huh? Anyway Eric gets Sookie, and they take their act out the door.

We cut back to Jason who he is lying in the middle of the road, and praise the lord he's not dead! Jason thinks it's a miracle. The Plastic Preacherette points out that actually it's a paintball, oh and that Jason is a bit of a water head.

The PP is super pissed, because Jason totally betrayed her even after a quality bathtub squeezer and a little church balcony nookie. She points out Jason is worse the Judas which prompts Jason to ask what did Judas ever did to her. This is really funny, but not nearly as funny as when the Plastic Preacherette gets ticked and shoots Jason right in the baby bee-bees with another paint ball. Oh shots to the nuts, when will you ever stop being funny?


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Not any time soon. Yay!

True Blood: Very Special Lessons In Paintball, Nut Shots, And Awkward Hugs Sections:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6  |  7 

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Comments (4)

anicho01:

I like the protective brother change in Jason, but last season didn’t he smack Sookie and call her a whore for sleeping with a vampire? Also, didn’t some of that occur on the funeral of her grand mother? Oddly, I always thought Steve had recruited Jason because he was Sookie’s brother until last week. While the show is much tighter than last year, I still miss the improvisation between Tara & LF, Tara & Sam, and Sam & LF. Although I’m glad they saved LaFayette, I miss the hot guy working the wife beaters with sass the size of brass. I’m totally for the Jess-Hoyt relationship, but I just realized Jess is high school age while Hoyt is pushing 30. Because Hoyt is mentally pushing a 16-year-old and Jess, as a vampire, seems to be 16-going-on-35, does the age difference bother anyone else? Final words, Mehcad Brooks’ abs are insane.

carol:

it makes me worry that jason is not in any of the previews at the end of the show...nothing better happen to him, he is way to pretty to go

so, this episode made me a full fan of the eric/sookie team. Bill is just annoying and thankfully not that much in the episode.

HisRoyalHighness:

I wish you'd spun more on the hilarious scene where Bill's maker described how he'd hit her over the head with a 52" plasma TV and how "they may look lite but they're a very formidable weapon." But I like how you mentioned the "Domestic violence is never OK" line at the end ;-)

cbc-cca:

Hilarious re-cap, Waffleboy! I really enjoy reading your subtle yet razor sharp wit. I've read this re-cap at least three times and find myself cracking up at new tidbits each read.

Also, awesome work with the screen caps this week. I loved seeing more of them. Thank you for that!

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