***True Blood is one of our favorite shows, and we finally found someone fantastic to serve up your recaps. Please welcome our newest Moviegasm contributor over to the recap side! WaffleBoy!!
Hey Gasmi, a quick question, do you like vampires? Okay, that's a dumb question, because of course you do; everybody loves vampires. From the tweens and their affection for glitter-in-the-sunlight-Jonas-Brothers-level-chastity vampires, to middle aged guys with quiet porn fetishes that require women to wear trashy spandex and fake fangs, all the way up to residents of assisted living facilities who were nursing crushes on Barnabas Collins on Dark Shadows back in the day, everybody loves them some blood sucking freaks.
Well how about another question, do you like neeked people? Don't worry, I'm not talking normal people naked, or even the typical people who insist on going to nude beaches every weekend, showing all of their appalling parts for the whole wide world to see. I'm talking cable neeked here. I'm talking very attractive people who spend lots and lots of time in the gym or at plastic surgeons, or (hopefully) both. You know, cable neeked, the kind of neeked that has kept Cinamax on the air for over two decades? What's that? You do like vampires, and cable neeked people? Well you need to make the jump, because hot damn, True Blood is back on the air.
Okay, just in case somebody who's never watched the show before has stumbled in here because of the promise of vampires and cable neeked people, I'm going to try to quickly lay out just what is going on around here. The world in True Blood is just like our regular world, only with vampires. Oh and the vampires live out in the open, because some Japanese scientists invented synthetic blood for them to drink.
Yes, that's right, Japanese scientists invented synthetic blood. Synthetic blood along with Mecha-Godzillas and Hello Kitty are three prime examples of why Japan has, does, and always lead the world in batshit crazy scientific applications.
Anyway our story takes place in Bon Temps Louisiana, and the main character is a psychic waitress named Sookie Stackhouse who solves mysteries, because it really doesn't take a full shift to haul hot wings and beer to people.
As for the rest of the main characters, there is Sookie's brother, Jason Stackhouse. Jason cuts weeds for living, is dumb as brick, and suffers from a 24/7 case of the hornies. Then there is Sookie's best friend, Tara, Tara is sassy and is constantly giving Sookie advice even though her own life is pretty much a complete train wreck. Sookie and Tara both work at a bar called Merlotte's, and their boss is a nice guy named Sam who when the chips are down can turn into a dog. Finally there is Sookie's boyfriend Bill. Bill recycles and is a vampire, guess which one is the more interesting character trait?
Now that you know who is who (well enough to get started) let's go over what happened in the first episode of the new season, in case you missed it.
This season started right where the last season left off. Sookie, Tara, and Andy found a dead body in the back of Andy's car. This was really embarrassing for Andy, because he's the local homicide detective, which in the one profession in the world where being a self starter is frowned on.
It turns out the dead body was Miss Jeanette's, who gave Tara and her mom fake exorcisms last season. Oh and her body was missing its heart, which went along way towards explaining the gapping hole in her chest.
Tara got hauled down to talk to the cops, and the main thing that came out of that was that Tara and her mom had another fight because Tara's mom was more then happy with her fake exorcism and didn't want to hear Tara bad mouthing Miss Jeanette and saying stuff like how she worked at a drug store, and slipped Tara and her mom ipecac and peyote. Tara's mom was giving her a lot of grief when Maryann showed up to take Tara back to her place.
Maryann is a bit of a mystery. She lives in a big house on the edge of town and is very supportive to young people down on their luck, like Tara. Of course the first time we saw her on the show she was buck naked in the middle of the road standing next to a pig. Not that there is anything the matter with that, but that kind of behavior tends to raise more questions then it answers.
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Comments (9)
Hey now, let's not confuse people from the get go.
Sookie isn't psychic-as she screamed in the very first episode. She had read people's thoughts.
1 of 9 | Posted by pixiegal262 | Posted on June 26, 2009 12:44 AM
she *CAN* read people's thoughts. My fingers were typing, but I just wasn't paying attention...at least I did type total nonsense. :)
2 of 9 | Posted by pixiegal262 | Posted on June 26, 2009 12:49 AM
Oh, I'm so happpy someone is recapping this crazy show! Welcome WaffleBoy...
Lafayette would be THE BEST BADASS VAMP EVER! Will they really go there?
I'm already sick of Jess.
Maryann is interesting but a little dull. Bill is PISSED!
Sorry I don't have anything of value to add, WaffleBoy, you covered it all.
3 of 9 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on June 26, 2009 5:43 AM
Yay! Awesome recap. Love this show, even though it's totally cheesy and lame.
According to someone who's way more into True Blood than I am, Maryann is a Maenad. If you're not hip to your ancient mythology, try googling it. See also: Bachus (sp?). I think it makes sense, and if that's the case then her character is going to get way more interesting through the season.
Keep em coming! I have no Charm School to recap this week, so the only way to occupy that free time is to read other people's recaps.
4 of 9 | Posted by themiki | Posted on June 26, 2009 7:21 AM
Waffleboy, I giggled like a schoolgirl. That's exactly how I sound, so thanks to you my coworkers think I'm strangling an 8th grader in my cubicle, but this was an awesome recap. I don't get those kind of pay channels on my cable so I don't get to see this show, but thanks to you I can still enjoy it (and it's even better with a Waffle House Filter and some warm syrup on it!).
Welcome to the dark side, you're a fine addition to the family.
love, J-Mo :)
5 of 9 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on June 26, 2009 10:39 AM
Hey, waffleboy, I hope you keep doing the Trashbacks! I'm not into this show, so I'm not sure I'll be reading all your recaps, but I JUST LOVE your Trashbacks!
6 of 9 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 26, 2009 2:05 PM
YAY - I am so glad someone is recapping this show. I LOVE this show - even if at times I have to cover my eyes and/or mute (Lafayette and that leg nearly had me lose my lunch)
It's interesting to see how far the show deviates from the books.
Gotta love me some cable neeked vampires ...mmmm....
7 of 9 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on June 27, 2009 2:16 PM
Hi pixiegal262, whoops, thanks for pointing that out.
Hi lirpa, I think Lafayette is going to be a pretty bad ass vampire, and he's too good an actor to throw his character away. Jess can be boring, but her imitation of Bill did make me laugh, so I can deal with her at least for right now, and just remember that all comments are valued over in this neck of the woods.
Hey themiki, Yay right back at you! I googled Maenad, and it is food for thought. Besides googling is a pretty fun way to kill time, and we'll all be waiting for the next Charm School recap.
hey J-Mo, you Pheeee-nominal human being you! You know if I can embarrass just one person at work, then it makes recapping completely worthwhile. Good to be over on this side babe, and can't wait for the next Top Chef Masters post.
Hey pixielated, don't worry I'll still be doing Trashback over in moviegasm, because man does not live by cable neeked vampires alone. He needs a steady diet of cheesy action movies too.
Hi TinkerbellAPixie, I've got to admit that scene with Lafayette had me a little green around the gills too. I haven't read any of the books, but I was reading about them online this week and they do sound pretty interesting.
Anyway, thanks for everyone stopping by and I'll try to get this week's post up a little sooner.
8 of 9 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on June 28, 2009 10:37 AM
Pretty good recap, but a proofread or two before you submit wouldn't be amiss...
9 of 9 | Posted by lillybaby | Posted on June 28, 2009 9:04 PM