TVgasm Recaps

It's been a while in the making, but TVgasm is finally here. Now the world can share the love and joy of snarky banter about our favorite TV shows. I know that there are a lot of blogs and TV fanpages out there, and that's all well and good. But we're hoping to carve a unique niche in the cyber community. We're not about to have long, wordy rants about some tangental part of a TV show. And we're not going to be the geeky TV cousin of AintItCoolNews.

We're just going to be damn funny. And if you don't think we're funny, then stop reading - because chances are it's not us who have the problem. It's you. Ha ha - sucker.

Well, in an example of expert timing, we've launched this site just as many of our favorite shows are ending their seasons. It's not too late to comment though. The following are my grades for various shows - some of which are still airing new episodes. Expanded commentary on certain shows' seasons will follow in later posts.

The Apprentice: A
Survivor: All-Stars: B (season finale - A)
Survivor: Pearl Islands: A
The OC: B+
24: B+
Real World: San Diego: A-
Real World/Road Rules Challenge - The Gauntlet: B
Real World/Road Rules Challenge - The Inferno: C+
Average Joe: Hawaii: B-
Average Joe: Adam Returns: C

It was a long time in the making, but TVgasm is finally here for everybody to enjoy. Thanks to all of you who were holding your breath in anticipation of our start and please bear with us as we go through some growing pains. While our stylesheet is pretty good overall, the site does look like ass in a few browsers, and seems pretty unreadable in IE 5.5. I hope to work on some of these things this weekend, and we should be in full swing by the time the summer seasons roll around.

I am all for constructive criticism, so if you would like, you can make suggestions where you think our stylesheet goes wrong, or if we are using Arial somewhere or something like that.

Speaking of style the good folk at Design by Fire have a great little bit on a particularly annoying little characteristic of the web.

Ever wonder what the inspiration behind TVgasm was? What drove these souls to watch TV like crazy and then post questions about it? Perhaps you were thinking about how long these folks have been in the TV commentary game? Of course you didn't. But just in case you were wondering, or need a little bit more something to look at while you kill time at work, we offer you a little bit of history in the form of our Survivor: Australia web-page created as a part of a school project just over three years ago. NOTE: We used to have audio commentary on all of the different Survivors from that season, but the audio comments were removed for the love of bandwidth.

The TVgasm team is proud to bring all of our great readers a new feature. TVgasm Hotties. Now you can waste time at the office by voting for your favorite hotties from various television outlets including 24, The OC, Real World, Road Rules, Survivor, Big Brother, and wherever else we can find them. Tell your friends! Vote multiple times!

The staff will be adding names periodically and if you feel there is somebody we have forgotten send us a suggestion. We will plan to add some features in the future (depending on how quickly we learn PHP).

So you may be thinking right now that all we do around here is watch trashy TV and then retreat to our computers to make some sniveling remarks. Not so. We do productive things like socialize in bars at night (or afternoon), read books, and even watch sports. And we're not the only sports fans who watch reality TV. Jon Warech, who writes for ESPN.com, has a funny piece about the reality stars we love, the ones we love to hate and the feuds that go down between them. And there's a little sports context to boot. Check it out here.

We're not just some reality TV outfit though. We care about scripted programming, and so does ESPN's Bill Simmons who took a break from the NBA playoffs to comment on The OC and The Friends finale. Check his article out here.

As witnessed by our flurry of recent posts, you can tell the employees at TVgasm are burning the midnight oil helping you find more and more ways to make creative use of your time during the day. TVgasm Hotties is a great success, and today we introduce a couple of new parts of our website.

TVgasm Awards will be a place to read updates and recaps on all of your favorite awards shows including the Oscars, Emmys, and Golden Globes. We will also feature guest columnists to comment on other awards shows including the Tonys, Grammys, and MTV VMAs. During the Oscars, Emmys and Golden Globes, TVgasm will bring you live updates from the red carpets to the afterparties.

TVgasm Sports will feature thoughts on different sporting events including the Superbowl and the Olympics. Most importantly, it will be a place to read impressions on Superbowl Commercials.

You can't stop us, you can only hope to contain us...

In our ever growing quest to entertain our legions of visitors, TVgasm has unveiled yet another feature to our website: the Snark-O-Tron 8300. Now you don't have to wait for us for your dose of snarkiness. Let the Snark-O-Tron randomly generate a comment for you. It comes pre-programmed with a database of your favorite television stars, and even allows you to submit your own names to the machine.

Maybe you'll get a gem like: "The funniest thing about Omarosa is that her favorite thing in the world is to shiv a baby seal." or "I would love to see an episode of some show where Mischa Barton pulls the hair out of Julie Chen."

So if you're not reading our site or voting on the hotties, take some time to visit the Snark-O-Tron 8300.

In just over two weeks, TVgasm Hotties has grown to 212 Hotties and over 21,000 votes. Yes, many of those votes are from yours truly clicking away in order to make sure all of my favorite Buffy starlets get their due, but I digress. Hotties is now one of the most popular parts of the site and we hope you continue voting for the best(and worst) of television. Recently added hotties including cast members from North Shore and Reno 911!.

Is your favorite hottie missing? Does the picture we have not do your hottie justice? E-mail us or leave a comment and let us know.

Unless my counting is wrong, and it very well may be, today is the 100 Day Anniversary of TVgasm!

That's really all I had to say.

Thanks for reading...

In an effort to get more people to register to vote, a new website has popped up on the internet called Votergasm. Curious, yes? In all fairness, Votergasm seems to be blatantly using sex to lure in people to vote - which is admirable enough. We just use sex as a metaphor for watching TV - which is actually very sad and verging on pathetic.

Anyway, I suppose this means that we've officially arrived on the cyber landscape now that we've had our first copycat site, sort of. Time to give ourselves a big ole pat on the back. Thanks loyal readers!

Good news for all you Friendster lurkers. TVgasm now has a profile. Presently it's sitting there all alone with nary a friend to call its own. How sad. If you want to check it out, be its friend, or simply mock it, just look it up. First name: TVgasm. Last name: dotcom.

Click here to see the profile.

Many of you have noticed some changes on TVgasm over the last few weeks and we would like to give you a few updates on the site:

- TVgasm has been selected as one of the launch sites for SBC's Project DU Network, a place where you will be able to find some of the best and freshest blog content available.

- We have added a bunch of ads from iTunes. If you are a fan of the iTunes Music Store, click on one of our links before you do your purchasing and you'll be supporting TVgasm.

- If you absolutely, positively need to display your love of TVgasm for all the world to see, we have opened the TVgasm Store at Cafepress. The store includes hats, t-shirts and other paraphanalia.

-In the near future, we will be adding new authors so we can cover more television.

- TVGasm will eventually be upgrading its software, and we want to hear from you if you have any suggestions about new features or things you would like to change. Send us an e-mail if there is anything you would like to see.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled non-lame discussion of television.

Is that from TVgasm? Are they finally writing about us?

We love feedback here at TVgasm, but in an effort to save everyone a little time, I thought I'd address some common questions that you, the readers, have been sending us

Are you going to cover Desperate Housewives? Yes. New TVgasm writer Grabz is going to be covering that. She's been travelling the past week or so, and, well, I've been too lazy to cover it in her absence.

How about Laguna Beach? Most likely. I sort of forgot to set a season pass for this show and now it's all that anyone can talk about. I'll have to catch a marathon this weekend. But I'll try to cover it as well.

How do we feel about America's Next Top Model? Mixed feelings. I wasn't that impressed with it, but there was a lot to make fun of and readers seemed to really like the snark. I might take a stab at some casual coverage.

Biggest Loser? Madeyoulaugh is on top of that already.

How about those great ABC reality shows like Wife Swap and The Bachelor Sorry. No can do.

Can you update the hotties? J-Unit is presently uploading photos of our favorite stars from this fall season.

J-Unit Adds:

I am so funny, I want to write for TVgasm! We are open to new writers, but you have to send us a writing sample, and not something from your senior year Dickens seminar.

Any other questions can be sent to staff@tvgasm.com.

Articles on TVgasm will be light for the rest of the week as we take some time off from our busy work schedule(those of us who work) and do a little traveling during the holiday. B-side will be in New York, while I trudge northward and brave the hippies in and around San Francisco. As for madeyoulaugh, each year he does some peyote towards the early part of the week, and if we don't see him by next Wednesday, we send out a rescue team. We'll keep you updated on that situation.

Our Tivo will be running of course, and if there is anything particularly interesting that happens on any of the programs with new episodes this week, we'll at least think about updating things when we get back. And don't fear, b-side is tirelessly working on his Maria Boren montage for all of you Apprentice fans.

As many of you may have heard, we purchased a new Tivo for the TVgasm offices, one that lets us record two shows at the same time. This takes care of most of the recording conflicts on TVgasm, and is very useful on Sunday when you want to track a couple of football games at once. We watch a lot of TV, but we don't need two Tivos, so we are selling our older one.

Our Tivo is a Series 2 80 Hour version, and we include all of the accessories that came in the box. It was purchased at Circuit City in May of 2003. If you don't know about Tivo, read more about it here. A new 80 Hour Series 2 costs $300, with a mail-in rebate taking the price down to $200. TVgasm is selling its Tivo for only $100. If you live outside the Los Angeles area, shipping is $25(UPS). As an added bonus, you won't have to wait for your Tivo to start recording to enjoy programs, as our Tivo already has episodes of The Apprentice, Amazing Race, Smallville, Desperate Housewives, Real World, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Seinfeld, South Park, and many others already on the box.

The Tivo works with cable, DirecTV, and DISH Network. If you have DirecTV, you may also be interested in purchasing our satellite receiver, the Sony SAT-B65. It's not a requirement, but this receiver works very well with Tivo systems, and was purchased specifically because of problems we had with two other brands of DirecTV receivers. The receiver comes with an access card and costs $50 plus $10 shipping.

If you want to buy the TVgasm Tivo, send an e-mail to tivo@tvgasm.com. Preference will be given to people who want to purchase the satellite receiver as well. Pictures of the equipment are available after the jump.

Every now and then TVgasm has a little coup. First we got a shout out from Stuart Elliot in the New York Times, and then USA Today bestowed us with the "Hip Click" honor. But on this past Friday, we finally broke through the print ceiling and made our first splash on television, not that anyone seemed to realize. Yes, thanks to the unexpected charity of an A-list actor and his assistant, J-Unit and I wound up courtside for Friday's Lakers game where we made our televised / jumbo-tron debut. What was it like to rub elbows with Jack Nicholson? Well, he wasn't there. Jerk. But I'll tell you who was there: Ron Livingston, Christine Lahti, and... wait for it... Suzanne Pleshette. Apparently it was "Pretend it's the Clippers" night, which would make sense since Clippers coach Mike Dunleavy was present as well. In all fairness, there were some gliteratti there. Uber producer Joel Silver was firmly ensconced in a courtside seat and, well, that was about it. Still, the lack of star power didn't mean the game wasn't exciting - although you wouldn't know it based on all the agents and executives doing business while fans were on their feet around them. Nevertheless, the important thing is that we were on TV, and for our shallow existences, that's all the really matters, right? We're awesome.

The most requested feature from the readers of TVgasm has been for us to implement some sort of forums system so people could discuss all sorts of subjects in a way that goes beyond the comments. We love our readers, so we now have our software running at http://forums.tvgasm.com. We've added a "Forums" link to the top, and while they are a little sparse right now as we get started, we encourage people to sign-up(registration required), browse around, and add a new discussion or contribute to a discussion already taking place. The layout might change a little bit, and it may look a little strange in some older versions of Internet Explorer or Netscape. If you have any problems with the forums, or have a suggestion for new categories or forums to add, or features we should implement, send me an e-mail.

Although everybody here in the TVgasm offices is more than willing to keep you updated on all the new television happening whenever it happens, the networks haven't been so kind to oblige us with anything new on television. Therefore, the TVgasm staff will be spending our time enjoying all of the great things the season has to offer and won't have too much to offer in terms of new articles until after the year 2005 begins. And although we won't be posting that many articles, there is always TVgasm Hotties, the Snark Generator, and the TVgasm Forums to tide you over for a while.

The entire crew of TVgasm would like to thank our readers for making it so enjoyable to share our thoughts, opinions, and snark about television with all of you. We appreciate all of your comments and feedback, and promise to be Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger for 2005.

Okay, well, maybe you won't "die" per se, but you will feel somewhat guilty (hopefully) if you don't vote for TVgasm on the 2005 Bloggie Awards nomination ballot. Yes, since it is awards season, we figured we had nothing better to do than to jump into the mix and try to grab a trophy for ourselves.

There are plenty of categories to vote for, and to quote many a faux-modest ad in Variety, we'd like to say "For Your Consideration":

Best American Blog, Best Entertainment Blog, Best Humor Blog, Best Writing, Best Group Blog, Best Designed Blog, Best New Blog, and Blog of the Year. Not that we're pressuring you or anything.

Deadline is Monday, January 10th at 10 pm EST / 7 pm PST. To vote, click here.

Thanks in advance...

Some say the unemployed are disadvantaged, I say they are blessed. B-side and I decided to help out some of you people bored at work and in search of something to do. At around 11AM PST, we invite all of our readers in for a little Instant Messaging fun. The buddies you should add to your list are (no quotes) "bsidetvgasm", "tvgasmjunit", and "tvgasm". The "TVgasm" account will be open all morning; if you send us an IM before the chat starts, we will add you as a buddy and invite you to the chat room when the chat starts(or you can e-mail us your screen name), but feel free to sign on at any time.

We know that this is short notice, but we'll give you a little more of a heads up next time. I am also sorry to tell all of you that B-side will not be taking marriage proposals. Maybe next time.

TVgasm would like to thank all of our readers who participated in two of our contests. Both the Battle of the Sexes 2 and the Amazing Race contests and giveaways are now over. We wanted to take a little time to congratulate the winners as well as announce out intentions for other giveaways in the next couple of weeks.

The Passion of the TVgasm - Winning our contest for the Real World/Road Rules challenge requires not only the skill to predict which star is going to hook up or get angry each week, but the patience to actually sit through each episode and formulate your strategy for the next week. There was one person who embodied both of these qualities, and so TVgasm gives props to domermeg for playing a great game and coming out on top of our fantasy league.

Amazing Race Challenge - Our second big giveaway was for this latest season of The Amazing Race. Predicting the winners before you even see these people on screen is difficult. TVgasm reader smithie was closest with her predictions, and so gets her choice of items from the TVgasm store.

If you didn't win, or missed your chance to participate in these contests, you will be happy to know that we are opening our pockets to give away even more quality merchandise for our readers. Although we had to cancel the "madeyoulaugh Fellatio Spectacular" due to lack of interest (and lack of insurance), that doesn't mean TVgasm isn't committed to givng everybody out there a chance to win. In the coming weeks, look for contests based based on Survivor, Amazing Race 7, America's Next Top Model, and the NCAA Basketball Tournament.

The good news is that we will have another TVgasm chat next week either Tuesday or Thursday, probably around noon or so PST.

Every now and then, we have a meeting in the TVgasm offices and ask ourselves what kind of features we should implement to make TVgasm better. We take suggestions from readers, do a little brainstorming ourselves, and try to come up with improvements to the site.

TVgasm reader Michael suggested that we add an RSS feed for each individual category instead of just the main TVgasm page. For those of you who use an RSS reader of some sort to read TVgasm, you can now select individual categories for your TVgasm feeds. RSS (click here for more info) is a good way to aggregate information from the web, and is particularly good if you read a lot of blogs. There are many free RSS readers out there if you are interested, and some even come with TVgasm preloaded.

For those people who want to take TVgasm with them wherever they go, we now have section where you can download wallpapers and ringtones for your cell phone. Simply connect your WAP-enabled cellphone to www.tvgasm.com/wap/index.php to see the content. The ringtones are midi (polyphonic) and mp3s,. If you bought a phone in the last two years, it most likely has WAP and midi support, and many phones in the last year or so come with mp3 support as well. Although we are not charging for you to download, you will still incur airtime and/or data charges from your provider. While we tried to get files that would work great as ringtones, some of them are simply theme songs.

A listing of the files we have for download is after the jump:

In a stunning display of airbrushing at its finest, Gail Berman's only moderately puffy mug graced the cover of THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER online today in what is bound to be the talk of the town...until I let out details of a certain threesome with a married man in a jacuzzi at Sundance....

In a stunner of an executive shuffle that impacts a major network and a top movie studio, sources said Fox entertainment president Gail Berman is headed to Paramount Pictures to take on the top creative post under newly appointed chairman Brad Grey.

UPDATE AFTER THE JUMP

1990's Court TV superstar Johnny Cochran is dead. Drudge Report is the first to report, no further news at this time.

Johnny will be long remembered as co-star of the TV show THE OJ SIMPSON TRIAL, which aired for over a year on all major networks, Court TV, Fox News and CNN.

Initial cause of death appears to be karma.

DEVELOPING...

Our friend Andy Dehnart at Reality Blurred finally outed our true identities today. We tried for so many months to keep things under wraps, but it was inevitable that our pasts would catch up with us. I guess a life on anonymity was too much to ask for.

So since the cat is out of the bag, we might as well tell all. Pics, bios after the jump.

Some of you may or may not have noticed some changes in TVgasm over the last couple of weeks. We finally moved the site over to PHP, which will allow us to add some more features to the web site. A lot of these features are simply going to ease site maintenance, but there will be some new things that readers may notice as well. For instance, we have now split our front page into multiple pages so you can cycle through the last 50 articles instead of just those in the last seven days by using the next page and previous page links at the bottom of the page.. If something is broken or doesn't look good for some reason on your browser or you have a suggestion for something that you would like to see, please let me know.

For more site changes and what you can do to become a writer on TVgasm, read on after the jump.

Variety reports today that trailer park power couple Britney Spears and that dancer guy will not be making their reality TV debut on COPS or Springer as previously thought. Rather UPN, the network brave enough to bring us "The Mullets," will try "trumping" MTV in their ability show a "real world" or "surreal life" of "popstar" "contenders" by wrangling in "newlyweds" Britney and Kevin Federline.

The yet to be titled show is exacted to air mid-May just in times for sweeps, the fast tracked preem schedule along with the announcement that the show will feature courting, marriage and honeymoon of the two, indicating they pathetically had camera crews shoot their lives way before a network bought their show. As it turns out, it was a good move for the couple, but at the time....kinda desperate.

As of now the show is untitled, and TVGASM is holding a contest where you the reader can NAME HER SHAME! I happen to know one of the UPN Executives on this show and told him I would provide him a list of 3 titles provided by our readers to be considered for the show title. You can either enter your title in the comments below or email me at Madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com. If one of your titles make the list you have instantly won a.........(find out after the jump).

Are you 25 or older? You still live with mom and dad? Have you ever made fun of someone for mispronouncing Matt Groening's last name? Have you already secured Episode III tickets? Are you a virgin? Well then you are the person I am looking for.

An unnamed Hollywood player, with several major credits under his belt seems to have come into hard times. His pathetic mid-life woes, could be your gain. He asked me to auction off a couple of things from his Xena days. The producers of the show gave the crew and executives shirts and Jackets to commemorate the "Millenium Crew."

Now, a once strong power player in the industry has become as his wife put it "all washed up" and he memories and dreams are now being pissed away for barely enough money to cover the cost of his tanning, viagra and botox.

Be sure to dig deep with these auctions as all proceeds go to help survivors of the fickle bitch of a tsunami, called Hollywood.

As our insider continues to keep thier ear to a wall at Universal, we will have more information coming your way.

And to our friends at google, I would just like to say, "clown sex, celeb sex video nicole kidman donkey punch"

As much as we like to congratulate ourselves for how funny we are, the thing that keeps TVgasm going is the readers. You encourage your friends and coworkers to read, you click on the banners to pay for our costs (although if some more of you did, that would be sweet), and you inspire us to keep going with all of your great feedback and comments.

But enough with all of that shit. In one month we will have been in existence for one year. To celebrate our first year on the earth, TVgasm is going to be holding a number of contests to give you readers more chances to win cool TVgasm stuff. I know most of you check 50 times a day, but in case you don't, make sure and keep an eye out for your chance to win. As an added bonus, TVgasm readers will help choose some of the winners, who will be announced during our first year anniversary extravaganza! (pretend I had a straight face when I wrote that)

You really can't lose when you go with TVgasm.

As I mentioned earlier this week, TVgasm is going to be turning a year old May 11th. We were trying to figure out what we could do to celebrate. There were talks of Vegas, or perhaps the more pedestrian vodka and hookers. In the end, we decided that we wanted to find some way to involve our readers. You know we love to have contests where we give away free stuff, and this is no exception. Everybody gets a chance to play, and there are five chances to win.

Read about the contests and the rules after the jump:

UPDATED: Two new categories have been added.

Last week, we announced that we are having a small giveaway to celebrate our first anniversary. We want to thank everybody who has participated, because it looks like we have some good candidates ranging from Double Dare contestants to Sheriff Dangle impersonators. Keep them coming, as they have all been great, and your essays are marvelous.

One thing we haven't had a lot of is submissions for TVgasm love or favorite TVgasm. We also have received only one work of art. Reading all of the comments on the site, I know that our readers have a lot to say. To clarify, you can only submit one item per category, but you may submit for multiple categories.

Read the contests and the rules after the jump..

As readers of my Amazing Race recap know, I am in New York, beholden to a crappy laptop with dial-up access. The bad news -- this has severely hindered my ability to be a faithful blogger. The good news -- I return to the hi-tech ways of Los Angeles tonight. So for all you people stuck at work waiting for an Apprentice or Survivor recap, just know that we haven't forgotten about you.

And if you're still anxious, feel free to create your own snark with the Snark-O-Tron (and post your funny results in the Snark-O-Tron thread of the forums).

Some of you may have noticed that TVgasm is loading a lot slower on certain pages today. It turns out that the database server that runs our ads decided to pull a Janu and take itself out of the game. Luckily, it wasn't the database server that runs the main TVgasm site, so it is just an annoyance now. The great folks at our ISP Dreamhost are hard at work to get things up and running, but until then, I turned off the ads on most of the pages in order to speed load times on the site.

UPDATE - 5:55 Things should be working normally now.

We're always happy when people take their TVgasm enthusiasm to a new level, especially when it results in money for us. For instance, take a look TVgasm readers Dartnok and White Chizzocolate. Don't they look great in their authentic garb?

Feel free to visit the TVgasm store which for now is located at Café Press.

J-Unit Adds: Win these shirts and more in the TVgasm One Year Anniversary Contests! Still taking submissions!

I would once again like to thank everybody for all of the submissions for our TVgasm anniversary. From the feedback I have received, most people don't care about voting for the submissions and would simply like the TVgasm staff decide the winners by themselves. Therefore, we are going to extend the deadline for submissions until Sunday, May 8th. Remember, you may submit only once per contest, but are allowed to submit for multiple contests. That's up to five chances to win, and five chances to immortalize yourself in TVgasm history. Who could ask for anything more?

The complete list of contests is after the jump.

So, I promise this will be my last Publishier's Clearinghouse style message imploring everybody to enter our One Year Anniversary Contests. You still have time to get out that digital camera, fire up Photoshop, or bust out the watercolors before we close the door on submissions. We are really enjoying the art submissions, although we expected more people to do renditions of what they think our disembodied selves look like. We will crown the winners next Tuesday, which marks our first full year of existence. Did I mention we have been writing for 12 months now?

Full details after the jump.

The National Enquirer is reporting that Michael Jackson, star of 1974 TV movie Free To Be You And Me, has sold his bait...sorry...make that home, which he has lived in since 1988 (or as Jackson recalls, "Joey Lawrence's expiration date").

Jackson has reportedly sold the estate for $36 million, or as his accountant Niel Rosbaum had to explain it, 1 and 2/3 molested children.

Jacko's financial troubles have become more and more public in recent years, causing all of his special friends to step forward now to stake claim to what is more commonly being refered to as "being Culkin'ed," "the Feldman fondle," or simply "the cost of their taint."

Story Developing

It's Happy Birthday to us, but the readers get the gifts. I didn't know what to call our giveaway, so the generic one-year anniversary contest kind of stuck. I guess I could have called it just "The Gasms 2005", but what kind of statue do you get for winning a gasm. Oh, that's right, this one. After all of your submissions, we took a vote, and came up with the winners. Take a look at your Gasm winners for 2005 after the jump. (PS I'll be contacting all of you winners within the next week.)

While we announced our TVgasm winners yesterday, today actually marks the one year anniversary of our first post (May 12, 2004 baby!). Thank you all for reading and helping to make this site grow so much over the past year.

And for your reading pleasure, enjoy this remarkably cocky first post:

It's been a while in the making, but TVgasm is finally here. Now the world can share the love and joy of snarky banter about our favorite TV shows. I know that there are a lot of blogs and TV fanpages out there, and that's all well and good. But we're hoping to carve a unique niche in the cyber community. We're not about to have long, wordy rants about some tangental part of a TV show. And we're not going to be the geeky TV cousin of AintItCoolNews.

We're just going to be damn funny. And if you don't think we're funny, then stop reading - because chances are it's not us who have the problem. It's you. Ha ha - sucker.

Thank you all...

1934 - 2005

He's the man who made lime green body suits with punctuation marks cool. Frank Gorshin is best known as The Riddler in the Batman series. He was also the first "celebrity sighting" I had in LA when I moved here. After an awkward "hey aren't you....." he shared stories of the Batman days and even paid for my lunch at Jerry's Famous Deli. It was a real life TVgasm moment. It was the only time I spoke to the guy, but he was good people. Sadly, last night Frank Gorshin passed away and I just wanted to posthumously thank him for the years of entertainment and the roast beef on rye.

Tonight are the season finales for both The Apprentice and The OC. Sadly, in a bit of unfortunate scheduling, J-Unit and I are headed to Vegas for the wedding of an old college chum. Therefore, no recaps of the big episodes will be up until Monday. With any luck, we'll return with all sorts of amusing celebrity encounters, but until then, amuse yourself with this love story written by our very own Youcantmakeitup.

This morning, Crowe got upset that he was unable to get his phone to dial internationally to Australia, and like all obnoxious, overhyped, overpaid, celebitches with a god complex, he made the logical trek from frustrated with phone, to throwing phone at head of nearby hotel employee.

Brings a whole new meaning to phone-tag.

And in Tomorrow's news....

Hotel Employee sues Russell Crowe and the hotel at which he was employed. Both settle for an undisclosed sum.

UPDATED

Crowe's Press Release After the jump

A few weeks ago when I checked out the And 1 Mix Tape Tour in lovely Inglewood, CA, I had no idea what nuggets of joy would await me. For sure, I thought the high point would be seeing the ubiquitous Blair from Road Rules sitting just a few seats away, but no! Turns out my fortuitous courtside seat snagged me a primo spot in the background of last night's episode of X-Play on G4 TV. Man, I haven't been this excited since my chin appeared on FSN back in December. Oh, and the basketball was good too.

B-Side, Kat, and J-Unit

A little more info on our new additions after the jump. And for the first time ever, an unaltered picture of J-unit and B-side!

So, a lot of people have been writing me about the TVgasm Forums and there were two main complaints. The first complaint is that there is no easy way to upload images. I actually turned that feature off because I wasn't sure how much disk space I wanted to dedicate to uploads. Now that we are on our own server, that is not so much of an issue, so that feature is now turned on. You can add pictures to your posts, or any other file for that matter as long as it is small enough (less than 80K). You do this by using the "Attach File" feature at the bottom of the composition window.

The other main request was to take off the e-mail activation for new users. Although this is done to prevent spam users, a lot of people said they weren't getting their e-mail activations because the sender had "gasm" in the name. Therefore, I have taken off e-mail activation for new registrations (for at least a week or two while you BB6 fans start to get going), so feel free to sign up and use all of the fake information that you please. If your username is taken, you lost your password, or you have any other problems send me an e-mail.

It's not often that I appeal to the readers of TVgasm for help. Sure, I did ask for help getting a date with Tyra, and I guess people thought it was a joke, because nobody has taken the time to help me write a letter to win Tyra's heart. Perhaps people just don't like me, which is fine, but you will win a beautiful Emmy screener, completely unused. I bet I could even get B-Side to sign it if that makes it any more exciting.

Now the opening paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with the actual purpose of this post, which is to highlight a series of annoying phone messages I have been receiving lately. A woman on the other end, certainly elderly, almost assuredly speaks English as a second language, calls my cell phone and asks to speak with Maureen. I tell her that I am not Maureen, and that there is no Maureen around, because it is a cell phone, not a land line. She insists that she has the right number, asks me again if my name is Maureen, or perhaps Monique. I then confirm my number and tell her she must have written it down incorrectly.

Now, as I said before, this is an elderly woman, and I don't want to make fun of her, because I am sure she is a nice grandmother and makes her grandkids snickerdoodles and ginger snaps, but these messages are distracting. If you know Lily, could you tell her that I don't know Maureen? Thanks.

Oh, I almost forgot, for the audio clip, click here.

So, depending on what coast you are on and just how much fun you had last night, you are either waking up to an all new TVgasm to begin a bright new day or drunkenly wondering what happened to TVgasm, thinking that you may be dreaming, and waiting to decide what you should do about it in the morning. But yes, TVgasm did a little software upgrade, and with that came a few design changes. We're hoping that it looks a little nicer in more browsers as well as being easier to read. Most everything should be changed over to the new look, but there are a few things we still need to get to.

Depending on your browser, you are going to have to reset the browser cache to make sure all the new stylesheets and everything are working. Really, empty the cache, empty it again, and maybe restart your computer for good measure. As always, let me know if there is something that doesn't look good in your browser by sending me an e-mail; I need a description of the problem, the browser and operating system you are using, and a screenshot if you can get one. If your feedback comes at the end of a love letter to Tyra, I might even pay attention. I can say that it is strongly suggested you use Safari, Firefox(and similar browsers), or IE 6 and above.

Well to be completely truthtical, and honestorically whole; I believe it is time I let out my proverbial cat. After the link, you will see the photo evidence of how it is I see what it is I see. Note today's date is September 2, 2005.

To whom it may concern,

It seems like only a year three months and one week ago that I wrote my my first TVgasm post. 141 posts later, and I find myself writing my final post. Some good, some bad, some clever, some sad. And lord knows, I am going to miss coming up with headlines, which was always my favorite part of the process.

How did TVgasm and I find one another? Funny story...well not really, so I may lie a little at times to spice it up.

I first met J-Unit & B-Side a few years back when I was coerced into going to a party where I was told there would be cheap booze and even cheaper women. It was one of their famed Scorpion Bowl Parties. I remember I was introduced to these two college frat guys and immediately knew I would have nothing in common with them. Initially, I was trying to avoid new people and just talk to the people at the party I knew, but when the head count was done, and the head count of those I knew totaled a depressing "1," it became clear to me I was going to have to mingle with, eh hem, frat guys.

The first one I conversed with was J-Unit, as he was the man guarding the booze, and as we know, the man who controls the booze, is the man who controls my heart....only in a non-really-gay sounding way. He seemed nice enough, laughed at things I said, which had he a vagina to go with his bitch tits, would have probably gotten a flirtatious smile out of me. But alas, he hadn't anything to offer but booze and conversation. Quite frankly, that ain't bad. The conversation evolved from "How do you know so-and-so?" to "So...Purple...That's an interesting colour...Is this Kanye West?....Hey, what do you think air would taste like if you could taste it?"

Then along sauntered in an as yet unnamed, B-Side. Had I known then that he would one day be the Justin Timberlake of the blogworld, I probably wouldn't have pee'd on his toilet seat. Yes, it was me. Conversation was fine, party was great and these two won me over when I asked to throw some money in for the booze and J-Unit said, "It's the people who offer who don’t need to pay, its those other bastards who need to shell it out." The three of us became fast acquaintances who kinda saw each other from time to time and more often than not, remembered one another’s names.

One day B-Side and I were chatting, most likely about something completely superficial and benign, and then we got on the topic of reality TV. Suddenly the two of us were gabbing like a couple of pre-coked Lohans. I had no clue he was as big a tv whore as I. He then told me about some little blog he and J-Unit had if ever I wanted to add to it. I think at the time a good day was 100 hits. I thought," Sure, why not."

Initially, I tried the conventional recaps, and quickly discovered that just wasn’t my jive. A former stand-up comic, my humor is better in short form and TVgasm needed something different. I had fun being more of a creative guy on the site than a recapper. Weather it was Letters from Jesus, the story of a pig, or getting our first cease and desist order, I always had fun coming up with new things to say, new ways to say them and of course having a forum to put them out there.

With Lohan boobs, Cruise wooh's, Pat O'Brien hard and Rosie Retard along with the best written recaps, reviews and snark online, in a little over a years time, TVgasm has catapulted into the number one television weblog and I am proud to have been a part of it from the ground floor. TVgasm was always about bringing the readers into our living rooms as we watch the shows. Much of what you read on here is just a written echo of the things we say while watching the shows in the TVgasm office. Never was this more true than with our live blogging of Sping Break Shark Attack and of course, the craptastic Locusts. The 'gasm was my cyber couch, and you were all welcome to sit down and watch the shows at anytime.

I was hoping to make it through the end of Big Brother this season, but J-Unit tells me they need the parking spot for sg-dub.

Though I leave the 'gasm, I leave for good reasons for my career, and may still pop in from time to time to join B & J for a live blogging of a show or perhaps an annual Reality Double Take

Until then, thank you all for reading and much love to the 'gasm.

Yours,

Madeyoulaugh

P.S. Since I am leaving, I guess there is no harm in finally showing my face, sans blur. Here you go, hope it was worth the wait.

If you're in the Pittsburgh area, be sure to listen for me tomorrow on 102.5 WDVE - FM. I'll be appearing on the morning show (#1 in the Pittsburgh area, I'm told) to talk about the Rosie O'Donnell DVD giveaway. Right now I'm scheduled to be interviewed at 9:45 AM; so set your alarm clocks, Western Pennsylvania. In the meantime, keep working on your Rosie poems...

Update: You can listen live via the "internets" by clicking here.

It's official. The votes have been cast, the results have been tallied, and the all-Beyoncé musical medley has been performed on stage. Without further ado, we present the winners of the 2005 Golden Gasm Awards, honoring the best and worst of the television landscape.

Our esteemed panel of judges includes the TVgasm staff (B-Side, J-Unit, sg-dub, youcantmakeitup, Kat, copygodd, and EdHill) as well as invited guests from the blogosphere and beyond. They are (in alphabetical order):

• Jake Bronstein, formerly of Road Rules and FHM
• Andy Dehnart of Reality Blurred
• Mark Lisanti of Defamer.com
• Madeyoulaugh, formerly of TVgasm.com
• Paul Scheer of VH1's Best Week Ever

Winners will receive a free dinner at The Olive Garden (redeemable until September 30, 2005) as well as commemorative index cards with their names written on them. We all agree that this is a fantastic deal.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the envelope please...

Well, we received some wonderful submissions for the Rosie O'Donnell Poetry contest, but because of a surprisingly hectic schedule this week, we haven't been able to select a winner yet. Fear not though. The winning poem will be announced by Friday morning. Keep the faith, peeps.

After several weeks or receiving entries, we have finally found a winner of the Riding The Bus With My Sister Emmy screener.

It was hard to winnow this field down as there were many funny entries. And while everyone did a great job, I had to go with the entry that made me laugh the most. The winner and runner-up after the jump...

The Los Angeles blog scene isn't quite up to snuff with what's going on in New York, but that doesn't mean that we don't get a chance to get together every now and then, especially for a good cause. So, when B-Side and I were asked to submit some of our thoughts for a special City of Angels Blog edition of gridskipper, was there any chance that we would say no? The Los Angeles Blog Peace Bonfire is upon us, and we're so very happy to share it with you. My only regret is that I didn't take the opportunity to bask in the f-bomb love of our Gawker Media overlords. Make sure to check in on gridskipper throughout the day for the best of what Los Angeles has to offer, starting with Defamer's Mark Lisanti telling you about his Favorite LA Weekend.

Without further adieu or self-glorification: TVgasm Takes You To Town.

Last year, two TVgasm readers sent in a picture of themselves dressed as the Bowling Moms from the Amazing Race. (As is customary, they now have their own blog. Check it out, it's not bad.) For their originality and creativity, the won the unofficial TVgasm costume contest. This year, I thought that I would encourage some reader participation this year by offering an official costume contest.

Interested? Find out more about the contest after the jump.

I reminded everybody last week, but I wanted to remind everybody about the TVgasm Halloween Costume Contest that we're having this year. Some people wrote in question just how TV-themed the ensemble has to be and the answer is "not much." We just wanted to give our readers a chance at some participation and a little fun. If you want to slap on a flannel shirt and say you are Clark Kent, that's fine by us. If you take some pictures of yourself looking awkward sitting at a conference table in a pantsuit and say you're Alexis Stewart, we're not going to eliminate you from consideration. Again, it's all in good fun. A few people requested that we give them an extra day so they can get pictures developed, and being the gracious people that we are, we've extended the deadline for submissions until midnight on Thursday, November 3rd. Send your submissions to contests@tvgasm.com.

More important, however, is that I wanted to remind everybody that the TVgasm Halloween Contest is still on. Submissions are trickling in, but there is still time to enter. So far my favorite costume this year goes to the group of girls I saw at a party who dressed up as the Senior Girls from Dazed and Confused, complete with whip cream, knee socks, and butt shorts. I would do push ups for them anytime. Too bad I didn't have my camera. We know TVgasm readers can do as good or better, so send your submissions to contests@tvgasm.com by November 3rd. Prizes include your choice of items from the TVgasm store, and office bragging rights for a whole year.

The penultimate Laguna Beach recap will be late this week, courtesy of jury duty. Thanks Los Angeles Superior Court!

Once upon a time, a little blog called TVgasm surfaced on the internet as a way for a few guys to entertain their friends with snarky recaps. 19 months later, the site has blossomed into a veritable juggernaut of international splendor and intrigue -- a community where people all around the world gather to make fun of reality stars and Mischa Barton. And so we're very proud to announce that this week, the site has now accrued 30,000 comments. Granted, about 95% of those comments seemed to have come from Laguna Beach fans, but we're still happy that all of you anonymous people out in cyberspace have decided to park yourself here and share your thoughts.

As for lucky comment #30,000? It comes from "iluvkobebryant" on the most recent Gauntlet 2 post:

Is it me or did Alton become about ten times more jacked in the past thirty seconds?

Alton is so damn hot!!!! He is my reason for watching the show. I think we should all start calling him "Hot Buns Alton". The man is F-I-N-E!!

Now that's what I call a legacy!

With the end of 2005 looming, we thought we'd take a look back at the following year of TVgasm, starting with January. The month started off with a bang -- or a butt, really -- as Randy Moss fake-mooned Green Bay Packer fans, causing Fox commentator Joe Buck to balk, "That is a disgusting act by Randy Moss. And it's unfortunate that we have that on our air live. That is digusting by Randy Moss." Of course, the rest of us found it funny and proudly embraced this crude endzone celebration.

January also brought us the stunning season premiere "event" of 24, which in its fourth season introduced us to such wonderful characters as Curtis Manning, Edgar Stiles, Joseph Heller, Behrooz Araz, and of course the late, great Dina Araz.

Perhaps the biggest TVgasm story of January though was the outing of Bachelorette suitor Fabrice. When a very, very reliable source told us that he'd actually dated Fabrice, we immediately posted the scoop, and the rest is history. Soon, photos of Fabrice surfaced on sites like ChicagoPride.com and BigMuscle.com, and the national media took notice as outlets such as People, E! Online, and Us Weekly hopped on the story. Fabrice himself never confirmed nor denied the rumor, but his shirtless Friendster photos and BigMuscle profile have since evaporated. Yeah, that's right. We caused a scandal. We're cool.

Oh, and TVgasm received its first cease and desist order after madeyoulaugh posted FHM photos of Teri Hatcher.

We'll be back tomorrow with a look back at February.

Yes, we've told you about MeeVee before, but they have added a lot of features, and with the customized TVgasm logo at the top of our new TVgasm branded MeeVee Home Page, everybody can feel even more at home. You will be able to get to MeeVee any time by clicking "Program Listings" on the navigation bar at the top of page as well as the sidebar on the recaps. So, if you were wondering if Donald Trump would have anything to say about Randal Pinkett, you could do a search on Donald Trump, discover he is on Ellen on Thursday, and be sad when you see that it is not a new episode. But you can cheer yourself up when you find out that Constantinewill be part of the Citrus Bowl parade. Seriously, it doesn't get any better than that.

February kicked off with the biggest television event of the year: the Superbowl, which was tamer than ever thanks to Nipplegate 2004. But at least all those middle aged guys could get their jollies over Paul McCartney's halftime spectacular (which featured the audience raising cards to create a French flag. You see, it's red, white, and blue -- not the other way around).

Survivor kicked off one of its best seasons with Palau, and Freddie and Kendra won the Amazing Race 6 (falling gates be damned!). Frendra's quarrelsome fellow cast-mates Jonathan and Victoria appeared on a Dr. Phil special to do a little damage control, and of course, we took the chance to ridicule them.

In random celebrity sightings, we caught Drea De Matteo and Gina Gershon chowing down in a dingy old van. Drea later scoffed at the story on Last Call with Carson Daly. Meanwhile, in a nifty follow-up to January's Bachelorette outing, we found ourselves coincidentally in a party for the Bachelorette guys. And yes, we duped Fabrice into a grainy photo.

But the big story of February was Mischa Barton's lesbian kiss on The OC, something TVgasm scooped back in 2004. The smooch turned out to be a big nothing, sort of like the whole second season of The OC. We offered our advice on how to save the show, but it's largely gone unheeded. Oh well. There's only so much you can do as a blog, which is why we ended the month in proud, sniveling form by tearing apart the Oscars.

Tomorrow: March.

March was another great month for television. Not only did the wonderful Amazing Race 7 premiere, but The Apprentice aired an instant-classic episode featuring a "krunky" Tana hangin' with Lil' John and Lil' Kim, among others. Plus, The Real World/Road Rules Challenge had its best season in a few years with The Inferno 2, featuring Tanya's epic dousing of Beth's Louis Vuitton luggage.

March was also the month that brought us the lovable schlock-fest Spring Break Shark Attack and the crash-tastic fainting scare on America's Next Top Model. As for American Idol, we finally had our finalists... sort of. Mario Vazquez backed out mysteriously, but he returned to the airwaves sans fedora to poke fun at himself on Letterman. But the real Idol story was Constantine Maroulis who we grew to hate while many, many, many annoying fans grew to love him (and let us hear about it too). Seriously, he sucks.

When we weren't bashing Constantine, the TVgasm writers were busy tasting bold new flavors as we sampled the famous Tarshi Bar, created by Apprentice wunderkind, Michael Tarshi. As fun as this was -- and it was quite fun -- it didn't quite compare to our drunken assault on notorious Road Rulers Veronica and Rachel. If only I had brought my digital camera...

Of course, the biggest story of March was Pat O'Brien, whose now-legendary voicemails lit up the internet. He tried some lame Dr. Phil image control, but c'mon. We know he's back to his old self, banging hookers and doing eight-balls at the Holiday Inn Express on La Brea.

April started off with a shocking turn of events after Reality Blurred outed TVgasm staffers, moving us to reveal our true selves for all the world to see.

The month also brought a stellar follow-up to Spring Break Shark Attack in the form of a certain crop-munching epic we like to call Locusts. In true form, we live-blogged this landmark piece of television, but as amusing as this was, nothing could match the sheer delight of witnessing Constantine Maroulis unceremoniously kicked to the curb by the cruel viewers of American Idol. Sorry, Connie, but that's what you get for singing Nickelback.

However, the very best moment of the month came from the one and only Tyra Banks who let loose a torrent of screaming after expelled model Tiffany gave some 'tude on America's Next Top Model. Because words don't do this moment justice, we're always happy to provide a video clip. You know, some day I'd really like to see Tyra Banks and Paula Abdul try to out-crazy each other.

May was one of the biggest months ever for TVgasm, and not just because we turned one year old. It kicked off with Rosie O'Donnell's role of a lifetime in the now legendary Riding the Bus With My Sister. We live-blogged this wretched (and by "wretched," I mean AMAZING) movie, but words simply could not do justice to this humble tale about a cold city girl helping her obnoxious sister do things like eat cake and buy toilet seats. So we compiled a montage of the greatest Rosie moments, which of course led to the inevitable Rosie O'Donnell/Pat O'Brien mash-up (which Time Out New York later called the "flat-out funniest thing this year" in their 2005 retrospective).

With the television season winding down, we also faced a multitude of finales in May. Joyce and Uchenna (or Joychenna) beat out Rob and Amber to win The Amazing Race 7; Tom predictably walked home with a million dollars on Survivor: Palau; Naima became America's Next Top Model; Kendra stole The Donald's heart on The Apprentice 3; and Carrie Underwood out-sang Bo Bice to claim the coveted title of American Idol.

As for scripted shows, 24's Jack Bauer trotted off into the sunrise after spending a day doing such mundane things as saving the Secretary of State, avoiding a country-wide nuclear catastrophe, torturing his girlfriend's husband with a lamp wire, watching Air Force One get shot down, and, you know, starting WWIII with China. Meanwhile, The OC wrapped up its season with Marissa Cooper shooting Trey (if you thought Mischa Barton was awkward already, wait until you see her with a gun. It might as well have been an oboe). And on Lost, the hatch finally opened and the viewers got to see... bubkiss.

It wasn't all season finales though. May also brought us Britney and Kevin: Chaotic (a possible nadir in American History), the Primetime Live Corey Clark exposé (a possible nadir for ABC News), and the one and only Gordon Ramsey in Hell's Kitchen (a possible nadir in BLOODY RISOTTO!). But May's most enduring gift: the new and improved CrazyCruise™! Tom Cruise stunned audiences with his bouncing trip to Oprah, and we were only too happy to share the footage with the world. The montage became a huge hit on The Internets, landing us swanky references in The New York Times and The Los Angeles Times. You can thank us later, Guster.

With the regular season over, June is normally a lazy period for television. Luckily, we still had Tom Cruise poking around. First he got squirted by water, and then he appeared on The Today Show where he verbally scuffled with Matt Lauer. We, of course, have the transcript and video.

June also saw the launch of several new programs. The WB gave us the lovable Beauty and the Geek, NBC bored us with Hit Me Baby One More Time, and ABC premiered a small competition called Dancing with the Stars. CBS and NBC also aired The Cut and I Want To Be A Hilton, two shows with fantastic casts but terrible, muddled, and derivative executions. And of course, MTV debuted The Real World: Austin, which promised to be the most salacious season yet but wound up being one of the most tiresome instead.

As for television high points, the Tonys once again provided endless amusement for us as did the media coverage for Michael Jackson's controversial acquittal. But nothing makes TVgasm more excited than the annual reveal of the Big Brother cast. We provided our in-depth analysis, and some of our comments were somewhat on point. Regarding Kaysar, "This guy is slightly awesome... Okay, so basically, everyone's gonna hate this guy for being so introspective. He'll probably be one of the first to go, but if he makes it past the first week or two, he might be in for the long haul." Regarding Maggie, "Wow, I've spent two seconds looking at her, and I'm already bored." And regarding Sarah, "Sarah will most likely spend several episodes crying in the backyard (and the bathtub and the bedroom and the kitchen) as she slowly cracks under pressure." As for Ivette, we were right about some things ("Hmmm... am I the only one picking up a mild lesbian vibe here?") but wrong about others ("Finally, someone who looks like she might be cool").

We also came face to face with some of our most derided reality stars in June as we broke bread with the infamous Jonathan and Victoria from The Amazing Race 6 and brokered a peace between Madeyoulaugh and Michael Tarshi -- he of the tasty Tarshi Bar. All of this was wonderful, but nothing could compare to the reality overload of accidentally wandering into the wrap party for Battle of the Network Reality Stars. The Miz, Coral, Jerri Manthey, Austin Scarlett -- it was like sensory overload. Best coincidental party EVER!

July was momentous for one thing and one thing only: Big Brother 6. C'mon, you knew that was coming. After hyping the show with our viewer-submitted countdown, we chaotically live-blogged the premiere, an undertaking that took more than four hours (kind of stretches the definition of "live-blog" when the show is only sixty minutes). The first few episodes of the season were only okay, and we instantly feared that we may have over-hyped the show. But then we remembered the cardinal rule for any Big Brother season: it don't get good until after the first eviction. And how! Before long, we faced an epic brawl in the household, and then a week later, the rise of King Kaysar in what many have dubbed the best Big Brother episode of all time. And of course, no season could be complete without Julie Chen awkwardness, which she proudly displayed on eviction night and shared with Letterman.

Of course, we understand that for many (uninformed) people, the world does not revolve around Big Brother (unless you're compiling reality double takes). For many TV viewers, the biggest moment of July -- and perhaps the year -- was the surprise upset win by Kelly Monaco over rival John O'Hurley on Dancing with the Stars. But that wasn't the only shocker. The stripper-esque girl from Average Joe picked an actual "average joe" as her man, causing these two studs to hilariously bawl on camera (the audio is worth a listen). But most shocking of all -- or not shocking, depending on how cynical you are -- were the Emmy nominations which proved to be boring as usual. We weighed in with our dream ballot -- as if that really made a difference.

As far as brushes with fame, TVgasm had a decent month. We not only crashed the Kill Reality premiere party, but we shared brief words with Roger Cross (Curtis from 24) in an airport AND appeared all tiny and obscured on the G4 network. And you can thank us later for BLOWING YOUR MIND!

August began with the auspicious launch of Current TV, which was sort of like the divine love child of Al Gore and the local A/V club. Perhaps more entertaining was the kickoff of Giada Watch 2005, which detailed with the growing head size of hottie chef Giada De Laurentiis. And speaking of chefs, duplicitous culinary expert Michael won Hell's Kitchen, thanks to the help of TVgasm, we'd like to add...

In sad news, Peter Jennings died from lung cancer, and on The Real World: Austin, Danny learned that his mother had died, thus providing one of the few memorable episodes of the season. Later in the month, we met the cast up close and personally and learned that Danny was sort of a douche. Elsewhere on MTV, Laguna Beach became a pop cultural sensation, and we were only too happy to feed the 'Guna cravings by providing prom pictures and our very own snapped-by-the-TVgasm-camera paparazzi photos.

For the most part, however, the television universe was fairly bleak in August. Jaret won I Want To Be A Hilton; Brat Camp sent its kids back to society (where they could then crash boats and vandalize property with racial slurs); and Bravo premiered the truly awful Battle of the Network Reality Stars, or as I call it, BONeRS. On the plus side, FOX launched the terrific Prison Break, thus bringing the joys of amputated toes and anal rape to households nation-wide.

As for Big Brother, CBS invited the audience to vote an evicted cast member back into the house, thus prompting a fervent "Vote For Kaysar" campaign on TVgasm (not to mention many other websites). The effort worked: millions of people voted Kaysar back into the house, but a week later, he was out on his ass again. Luckily, an vengeful Janelle won HOH, thus coining the catchphrase "Bye Bye Bitches." This tumultuous week cemented the audience's animosity towards "The Friendship," and after a month of viewers rewarding Janelle with "America's Choice" prizes, April, Beau, Ivette, and Maggie suddenly realized that America just might hate them. Viewer interactivity has rarely been so passive-aggressive or entertaining. Oh, and Julie Chen continued her never-ending tour of the late night universe. Chenbot forever!

September 2005 brought in not only a new television season, but a spiffy new TVgasm cast. With sg-dub and copygodd becoming official writers over the summer, the fall brought us Kat and the always controversial EdHill. Sadly, we also had to say goodbye to Madeyoulaugh, who wrote a deeply moving farewell letter on September 9th, 2005.

On television, Maggie anticlimactically won Big Brother 6 (sigh). In true TVgasm form, we snuck into the wrap party, took pictures, and snickered in the corner with Shannon Elizabeth (plunk! Name drop!). Other September winners were J.D. Fortune on Rockstar: INXS, Chris on The Cut, and John O'Hurley on the big Dancing with the Stars rematch. And then, of course, there were the Emmys. Two of us liveblogged the event while madeyoulaugh actually got to rub elbows with such luminaries as Johnny Fairplay at the TV Guide Emmy Party. As usual, the Emmys did no justice to the year in television; so we presented our favorites in the first annual Golden Gasms Awards. The prize was a gift certificate to The Olive Garden, but sadly, none of the winners claimed this mighty bounty.

Meanwhile, if you weren't watching Johnny Fairplay poop, Janice and Omarosa brawl, and Tyra fondle her own breasts, then maybe you were watching one of the many new shows/seasons premiering. There were too many to count (although, we mentioned many in our two-part fall TV preview), but possibly the two lamest launches were The Amazing Race: Family Edition (which we were hoping would look a bit more like this) and The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. Poor sg-dub. His first network reality show to recap, and it's a dud. Hopefully he raised his spirits by watching the Julie Chen "But First" video or at least the Lamborghini marketing pitch, courtesy of The Apprentice 4. PASSION!

And because it's never a good month without any silly Laguna Beach items, take a look at some of the cast before puberty! Ewww! And like OMG! That's totally Jason!

October was a relatively tame month for TVgasm, but we did have our share of highlights. Sci-fi junkies had to temporarily bid adieu to Battlestar Galactica as its second, much-buzzed-about season came to a close, leaving more questions than a Cylon in a... um... okay, I haven't jumped on the bandwagon just yet. Feel free to complete the analogy on your own. Also wrapping up was The Surreal Life 5, which ended with Janice and Omarosa duking it out yet again. Ah, these bitches never get old. Okay, they do.

Meanwhile, Smallville hopped on the coolest trend since trucker hats by introducing Aquaman to its multi-abbed ranks. VH1 also contributed something equally as scary to society by bringing us But Can They Sing, a musical competition that featured such luminaries as Antonio Sabato Jr., Kim Alexis, and of course, Bai Ling. Listen at your own risk -- it might be more painful than Tammy Gaghan's face-plant on the back of a van.

And speaking of schlock, CBS aired Vampire Bats, which J-Unit bravely liveblogged. Of course, J-Unit is all about the cheap horror, as evidenced by his detailed report from deep inside The Scorned premiere.

On MTV, Laguna Beach continued to transfix America's youth, much thanks to Casey whose request for quesadillas has become near legendary -- at least on TVgasm. And in "What the?" news, we spotted Real World: Philadelphia's Karamo playing it straight on The 5th Wheel. But the real buzz-worthy moments of October came courtesy of The Apprentice which first broadened our musical horizons with the insta-classic song, The Rubble Man. Never before have the lyrics "Medium pimp" and "Freeeeaaaakin!" been so wondrous. And just when we thought nothing could out-shine that glorious moment, the very next week Trump went and fired four people at once! Bloodbath in the boardroom! How would The Donald ever be able to top that? Oh yeah, we haven't gotten to December yet...

November was the biggest month ever for TVgasm, much thanks to Mischa Barton and her pesky little nipple. We were the first to report that Fox had actually let a barely discernible nip-slip into prime-time. The story exploded on the internet, especially after it became the top entertainment headline on Yahoo's main page for an entire weekend. And even though we weren't mentioned, the nip-slip became fodder for a joke on SNL's Weekend Update. Eventually, we had to move the Mischa video clip over to iFilm where it now ranks as the 65th most viewed movie of all time (just ahead of "Madonna Topless").

The month also brought not only our most highly-trafficked post but also our most discussed. Laguna Beach clocked in 765 comments after Jason scandalously cheated on LC. We're still waiting to break the 1,000 comment threshold, but I'm sure Laguna Beach 3 will succeed quite well in that area.

Meanwhile, Halloween may have passed, but there were still plenty of terrifying things on television. Trading Spouses offered up a God Warrior; the Kill Reality crew debuted The Scorned, and Jim rapped on The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. Plus, let's not forget those award-winning TVgasm Halloween costumes. And in real-life scary news, wrestler Eddie Guerrero passed away, and copygodd, in his thankless efforts to recap RAW, provided a thoughtful tribute.

Later in the month, our quiet love-affair with the Food Network blossomed after sg-dub's brilliant examination of Paula Dean and her hot dog recipe. When the post garnered nearly 200 comments, we knew we had hit something, which is why for Thanksgiving, we inundated the site with nonstop Food Network coverage. Elsewhere on TV, Tyra Banks kept us entertained as always. Not only did she bury the hatchet with Naomi Campbell, but she presented us with the greatest conspiracy to hit reality TV in months: Granola Gate! I still think Jayla ate Bre's stupid snack.

Lastly, The Real World: Austin finally ended, but the laughter continued as we caught sight of Danny's tremendous modeling photos. He's wicked sexy, yo.

December on TVgasm meant season finales, and we had lots of them. Matt lost a shitload of weight to win The Biggest Loser 2, Nicole took home the title of America's Next Top Model, Danni beat out a Jersey-tastic Stephenie on Survivor: Guatemala, The Linzes arrived first on The Amazing Race: Family Edition, Diddy picked his next great flop on Making the Band 3, and Dawna became the chosen one on the anticlimactic finale for The Apprentice: Martha Stewart.

Elsewhere on TV, creepy George died on Desperate Housewives, and Letterman's rivalry with Oprah finally came to an end as the talk show queen appeared on Dave's show. Meanwhile, the kids bickered one last amazing time on The Real World: Austin Reunion where we got to see Danny's glossy new teeth (and latest short-brimmed cap).

As for TVgasm, we surpassed the 30,000 benchmark for comments and received our first ever tribute in cookie form. Plus, we mapped out the complicated web that is Grey's Anatomy and blew the lid off of 24's new season.

But by far, the biggest story of the month -- and possibly the year -- was the controversial season finale for The Apprentice. Trump selected Randal as his apprentice, but when he then asked if Rebecca should be hired too, Randal rebuffed the idea, saying there should be one and only one apprentice. This set off a whirlwind of debate as viewers argued over whether Randal was hogging the spotlight or shrewdly staking out his territory. People also scrutinized Trump for putting his new protege in such an awkward position, ultimately questioning whether or not race played a role in his decision. On TVgasm, the season finale recap has garnered over 500 comments (and counting), becoming the most discussed post (excluding that other hotbed for informed discussion, Laguna Beach).

December also saw the beginning of the TVgasm Year In Review, which wasn't very important, but we always like to be as self-referential as possible. Meta is the new black.

It's January, which means nomination season has opened up for the 2006 Bloggies. Yes, I know -- you've been waiting all year also. Well, in our never ending quest for praise and accolades, we'd like to politely encourage (READ: aggressively pressure) you to fill out a ballot and nominate us in all applicable categories. Your options include:

• Best American Weblog
• Best Entertainment Weblog
• Most Humorous Weblog
• Best Writing of a Weblog
• Best Designed Weblog
• and of course, Weblog of the Year

So, with the new year brings new changes, and we recently had to make a change to our commenting system. One of the reasons that TVgasm is great is the way our readers contribute to the discussion, and since we have been in business, we haven't placed any restrictions on participation. What that means is that you didn't have to use a username and password to leave a comment. In 2006, we'll be requiring commenters to sign in using TypeKey. The main reason for this is to prevent comment spam, as it was becoming increasingly difficult to prevent comment spam using traditional methods. The other reason is that there have been people who have been faking other commenters names with increasing regularity, and in order to keep these people from repeating this, authentication is a must

Before you get too crazy, you should know that TypeKey will still allow you to post with a pseudonym, and it will still be up to you whether you share your e-mail with us or not (we don't publish your e-mails anyway). You may choose to display any name you wish on your comments, but we'll have the TypeKey identifier in our records in case somebody tries to post comments using your name, and we'll be able to ban that person if they don't stop. This may prevent some people from commenting on posts, but you are always welcome to contact TVgasm authors via e-mail, which we list on the about page. To sign up for TypeKey, click here. You can send hatemail for this decision by clicking here.

For those of you obsessives who seem to pick up on subtleties so subtle that I didn't know I was writing them, this "announcement" will not come as a surprise. Others may be surprised, but the vast majority of you won't give a crap. I, the humble sg-dub, am going on TVgasm hiatus for an undefined amount of time.

Without burdening you with details, please know that my reasons are "good" ones in that they are exciting and positive. I'm not quitting entirely and certainly hope to get back to writing recaps when "real life" gives me more time to do so. You will still see some things from me from time to time and hopefully get a laugh out of them. I love TVgasm and all the other writers are wicked funny and talented. I mean, I'm the funniest and all, but they deserve props as well.

Anyway, the more-than-capable EdHill will be taking over the Project Runway recaps and I hope to reappear for Prison Break in March. As for last week's Project Runway recap - it's after the jump.

Let's be honest. It's Monday. You're not going to get much work done. You're somewhere between thinking how much time you can kill on your coffee break, and how much time you can kill figuring out what you should order for lunch. Why not waste a little time and fill out a survey? One of our advertisers, Blogads, is asking for participants for a survey of all of the Gossip Blogads sites out there. I normally don't solicit these kind of surveys, but this one doesn't ask you for your name or e-mail address, so there is no way for them to send you spam later. You will also get that warm fuzzy feeling that you got to help out TVgasm by spending ten minutes online. We'll get a better idea of who our readers are so we can hopefully be even funnier and more enjoyable in the future, as if that's even possible. Click here to try the survey, and make sure to enter "TVgasm.com" for question #23.

Some of you may have noticed that we had a few server problems last week and TVgasm was unavailable to certain parts of the country for a number of days. And by some of you, I mean hundreds, because my inbox was flooded with people wondering if TVgasm had ceased to exist. Rest assured, if TVgasm was going to fall off the face of the planet, we would at least leave a note, unless we were trapped inside the situation room and didn't have our hoodies for protection. Anyway, I wanted to give a little heads up that I am going to be moving TVgasm to a bigger and badder server this weekend, so you may experience some trouble getting to TVgasm after I make the switch, although it all should clear up by the weekend. If you are having problems, please reset your browser cache, restart your browser, and if TVgasm still doesn't appear, send an e-mail to tvgasm@gmail.com. We're doing this to improve network reliability and to make room for some features we want to add in the future.

And yes, I do have the Jefferson's theme song stuck in my head, click here to download and get it stuck in yours.

A number of people have e-mailed me since the servers have moved to say that they aren't able to leave comments. Rest assured, I have not banned a single person since we started using TypeKey, so it is very unlikely that you have done something to piss me so off I wouldn't allow you to comment. That being said, too much Duke appreciation really is annoying, so why take the chance? Anyway, to explain why this is happening would take too much time and most of you wouldn't care. The solution is to clear your browser cache and reset your cookies, and I am looking to see what I can do to fix things on our end.

Former secretary of defense for the Reagan administration and current Fox News analyst (thus making this relevant for TVgasm) Caspar W. Weinberger has died at the age of 88. While the cause of death has not yet been reported, one thing is clear... he will be one friendly ghost.

Too soon?

Click on Paris to play (You Will Need Flash Player 8).

And check back on Thursday for our exclusive interview. Yay self-promotion!

It may be hard to believe, but this post -- this very one you're reading -- is our 2000th TVgasm post. We can't believe that we've churned out so many entries, and we want to thank everyone for reading, writing, and commenting over the past two years (anniversary in May). Hopefully you'll stay with us for the next two thousand.

Gosh, 1,999 posts all leading up to one pithy, self-congratulatory paragraph. Sort of anticlimactic, yes?

I meant to announce this yesterday, but TVgasm will have a live chat tomorrow, Friday, April 28th at 2PM EST, 11AM PST.(not May 28th, thanks whoislain) I want to test out this new chat software on our server and see if it will can use it for actual liveblogging. You won't need an account to sign in, and I haven't played with the look of it all, but if you have some time tomorrow, feel free to pop in. If you want to enter the chat room now, click here. Enter anything for the username, no password required.

Just wanted to give a little reminder to everybody that we will be having a livechat today at 2PM EST, 11 AM PST. I think a bunch of the writers will be joining us, so it should be a lot of fun. I haven't used the software much, so we'll see how things go, but we hope to see you there. Click here to enter the chat room. Use any username, and no password is required at this time. I tried to turn off the sounds, but if they still annoy you, you can make changes using the options. Although there are three rooms, we'll all be in the "TVgasm Lounge". Hope you can make it!

In a continuing effort to take over all mediums, TVgasm has infiltrated television once again. The Fox Reality Channel was kind enough to have me on its show, Reality Remix Weekend, which meant that for six minutes, I got to babble on about Blowout and Wifeswap and whatnot. Anyway, the show will be re-airing this Sunday (5/7) at various times; so send some love back and check it out. Added bonus: no blurry face!

So, we've decided to update the site a little bit. It's not that the old site was necessarily bad, but it was starting to get a little unwieldy and we saw some things that needed to be fixed because we have a bunch of things that we wanted to add. If you're interested in hearing me blather about some of the changes we've made, continue after the jump.

That's right, the legendary TVgasm forums are back. Now a place where people can go to waste even more time under the TVgasm banner. Your boss being a jerk? We wanna hear about it! You can quote every single line to the film Xanadu? Now there's a place to show off your talents! Want to ask B-Side to be your baby daddy? Here's your chance! Also, for fans of Lost and the Lost webgame, we have special spoiler sections where you can talk about it without fear of reprisal. Now isn't that nice?

So what are you waiting for? Check it out here.

There are forums for all of your favorite shows including Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Amazing Race, and of course American Idol. I mention all of this now because the finale of Survivor begins soon and we should keep the main page free of spoilers while B-side works tirelessly on the recap.

And if you haven't signed up, you're missing out on learning about all of your other TVgasm posters as well as missing out on TVgasm happy hour meetings and other talk on shows we don't cover in TVgasm including Top Chef and The Office. If that's not enough, you can find out What EdHill keeps on his Tivo.

Now I know that I won't have to ban anybody for spoilers, but if you are ever unsure, just use the forums and make sure to mark the thread as containing spoilers to avoid becoming as unloved on TVgasm as The OC is with the Neilsens.

UPDATE - Our live stream is up. Click here to test your computer out now!

There was some technical issues last night so there wasn't a full archive of the show, but we'll have them fixed tonight and I'll post the archive tomorrow morning. If you are having trouble with the QuickTime, make sure you download the latest version. If you want to try and play the movie without using your browser, download the movie file here. See you all tonight, our live stream is up now if you want to test your setup.

If you happen to be wandering by a newsstand next week, plop down a few dollars for the latest Entertainment Weekly. Why? Because we're in it! EW was kind enough to include us on their 2006 Best of the Web list, which featured the magazine's favorite twenty-five entertainment sites. Yes, just another small step in the quest for world domination. Anyway, we're really flattered. And now we plan to act too cool for everyone. Smell ya later, READERS!

To check out the full list of sites, click here.

Andy Warhol you Nostradamus you.

The WOW Report announced they are currently in production on a reality hybrid tv show starring the one, the only, Perez Hilton. Shhh, shhh....it'll be ok. Continue reading through your tears and confusion.

Apparently, WOW is not in fact Women of Wrestling (which would potentially be a show worth watching, even with Perez in it), but rather World of Wonder. Don't know World of Wonder? They are the production company responsible for such televised mega-hits as The Perfect Penis, Totally Gayer (the sequal, of course to Totally Gay) and the heart warming Cleavage.

Perez gained notoriety when he.........ummmmmmm.......well he has a website.

Paris Hilton saw a boom in her career and pop culture relevance when, while still in production on the first season of The Simple Life, a sex tape was released on the internet. Perez hopes to have the same luck his name sake, for on the same day of the press release announcing his "show," a website Queerty.com(WARNING - NSFW) has published screen caps and photos from Perez Hiltons Manhunt.net profile which include photos of the dick......and his genitals. ZING!

While there is no word yet on specific details, Fenton Bailey, one of the shows producers, was overheard saying "It's like the Surreal Life hybridized with......you know that thick film you get in your mouth after a particularly long night sucking on a septic tank while your ex-wife pounds you in your balls with bags of money you are paying her in alimony? Yeah, it'll be something like that."

It was a crazy weekend in Los Angeles. Somewhere out there, somebody has a picture of me in a blonde wig singing various TV theme songs, including but not limited to The Facts of Life, Different Strokes, and Three's Company. In other words, blood alcohol levels will have to return to normal before recaps continue. In the meantime, everybody should check out the activity in the Forums. You already know we have Big Brother, Project Runway, and Fresh Meat, but we've added forums for Laguna Beach, One Ocean View, and Soap Operas. If your favorite show doesn't have a forum, Our Catch-All Forum is where you can find readers talking about Flavor of Love, Kyle XY, The 4400, and Last Comic Standing

If you haven't visited the forums in awhile, make sure to visit some of the popular threads like Things My Neighbor Does to Annoy Me, Things My Coworker Does That Annoys Me, Commercial Jingles, and Favorite Commercials. And for those of you jonesing for the fall season, reader Double L shares his reviews on upcoming pilots. Finally, don't forget to introduce yourself to let us know who you are.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

One of the most requested features that I have received from readers is that they want podcasts. Well, beg no longer, as we present TVgasm Visits Laguna Beach (iTunes Music Store Link). Subscribe, and you'll be able to download all of our Laguna adventures and will be automatically notified whenever we add videos in the future. Look for more audio and video podcasts in the future.

With the 2005-2006 fall and summer seasons officially over, we here at TVgasm proudly present our nominations for The Golden Gasms 2006. These awards honor the best and worst in television and aspire to right the wrongs made perennially by the Emmys. Just like last year, the TVgasm staff and a panel of invited guests will vote on each category. The winners will be announced shortly thereafter. Our guest judges this year will be Josef Adalian, television editor of Daily Variety; Mark Lisanti, editor of Defamer.com; and Andy Dehnart, editor of Reality Blurred. More judges will be announced in the upcoming days.

As per tradition, winners of our esteemed award will receive commemorative index cards with their names written on them as well as a free dinner at the Olive Garden, redeemable up to three weeks after the results are announced. Always a good time. Full list of nominees after the jump...

And while you're in the forums make sure to check out great threads like Photoshop Fun, Your First TV crush, as well as discussion on the latest episodes of Laguna Beach, Survivor, Amazing Race, and Dancing With the Stars.

After the success of the Los Angeles TVgasm Happy Hour, we've decided to try it again, this time on the East Coast. This Thursday night at 9 PM, we'll be having a TVgasm Happy Hour event in NYC. Granted, 9 PM isn't exactly "happy hour." More like TVgasm Cocktails. Nevertheless, making appearances will be me, m_ruv, and commenter extraordinaire, Leah3t. Plus, you never know which B-List celebrities might show up! (Okay, none.)

The location is still up in the air -- we're deciding between the White Horse Tavern and Vol De Nuit. Hope to see you there!

As B-Side posted earlier, we're following up the TVgasm happy hour in LA with a TVgasm NYC happy hour this week. It'll be tomorrow, Thursday 9/28, at 9pm at the White Horse Tavern on the corner of 11th and Hudson. Yep folks, we're going classy.

For a map, go here. The closest subway stops are 14th St on the A/C/E and Christopher St on the 1/9.

And apologies for the late hour, but we'll try to show up before 9:00 if possible, and you're welcome to get there a little earlier if so inclined. B-Side, Umnata, stalwart commenter Leah3t, and I will all be there. I figure we'll try to head to the back room, but if it's nice out we might be able to snag some tables outside. See you there! Who knows, maybe The Pomp will show up and not eat.

Joining the ranks of Eve, Pamela Anderson Lee, Paris Hilton, Collin Farrell, Scott Schwartz, Saved By The Bell star Dustin Diamond is said to be the star of his very own adult video. The film in question features the one time screen geek as he..umm...entertains two lovely ladies (neither one his wife) and is tentatively titled "Saved By The Smell" (Not a joke).

While any celebrity sex tape will find an audience, I feel that bringing attention to Screeches members odor could turn of the porn buying public. As a result, I thought it may be nice of us TVgasmers to compile a list of better porn titles for the producers to choose from.

Join this and many other random time wasting fun threads in the forums.

The votes have been cast, the results have been tallied, and the Wolfgang Puck-catered Governor's Ball has been booked. Yes, it's time to announce the winners of this year's Golden Gasm Awards, honoring the best and worst in the television landscape.

This year's highly-regarded panel of judges include TVgasm writers Amanda, B-Side, Copygodd, Edhill, J-Unit, m_ruv, and Umnata. Additionally, back this year as guest judges are Mark Lisanti, editor of Defamer.com, and Andy Dehnart, editor of Reality Blurred. Joining them is Joe Adalian, television editor for Daily Variety magazine.

Because this is our second glorious year of the Golden Gasms, we've decided to up the ante. Winners will be treated to a free dinner not from Olive Garden, but Red Lobster (redeemable until December 1st). They will also receive commemorative index cards with their names written on them. All in all, a wonderful gift package.

And now, let the ceremonies begin...

Just when we think we've got all the shows on TV covered, we suddenly realize there are, you know, like two-hundred we're missing. It's too ambitious to cover everything, but we might as well expand as best we can. So we're holding yet another casting call for new writers. The shows we're looking to cover are Ugly Betty, Jericho, Top Chef, and hey, let's throw a procedural in there: Criminal Minds!

If you think you've got what it takes, email a sample recap of the latest episode to bside@tvgasm.com.

Earlier this week, we solicited writing samples for Ugly Betty, Jericho, Top Chef, and Criminal Minds, and now we have some exciting news (at least to us). Unlike previous TVgasm casting calls, we've decided to take a page out of reality TV and let you, the readers, decide who shall join the ranks of TVgasm guest columnists. It'll be like American Idol, except with typos! Once we have enough samples for any given show, we'll post what we feel are the best submissions, and then y'all can vote yay or nay. Who knows, maybe we'll be able to find the next Umnata or Amanda or Copygodd or, dare I say, EDHILL!

For now, we're still in the gathering phase; so once again, let me remind all aspiring columnists that you can submit your writing samples to bside@tvgasm.com. If there's a particular show that we don't cover that I didn't mention above, feel free to submit for that too. Can't guarantee anything, but you never know.

Some tips after the jump...

Last week, we alerted you all about our America's Next Top TVgasm Writer contest here at TVgasm. We're looking for bright, funny, new writers to fill out our stable. Previously, we said that we'd winnow the submissions down to a few choice finalists that we'd then post on the site and have the readers voice off on. Well, we've updated our stance. We've decided to post any and all entrees in the forums where everyone can read, judge, plaudit, or lambast them. Over the coming days, we'll read your feedback and narrow the selections down, and hopefully, after all is said and done, we'll have some fresh faces on the site.

Presently, all the submissions for Ugly Betty and Top Chef are posted, with Jericho and various other shows to follow [UPDATE: Jericho submissions are now posted]. Be sure to leave feedback in the forums (and don't forget to vote in the polls attached to every submission).

Additionally, we're now looking for writers for Veronica Mars, The OC (covered!), and Battlestar Galactica. Send all submissions to b-side@tvgasm.com (and don't bother with screencaps. Just text for now).

Greetings everyone! Our search for new writers to take over the site like Tribbles has been a raging success so far! We've had many submissions that we've posted in the forums, and already, people have been leaving their comments, voting, etc. etc. I'm just encouraging all of you out there to read the submissions and vote for your favorites. The more feedback we get, the better your reading will be down the line. Next week, we'll narrow it down to two authors per show for an old-fashion Blog-Off (assuming there were Blog-Offs in the old days, which there weren't). So in the immortal words of Diddy, VOTE OR DIE!!!

Well, the latest submissions for Ugly Betty, Top Chef, and Jericho have been online for about a week now, and after nearly 10,000 cumulative views, we're ready to announce our finalists:

Ugly Betty	Top Chef	Jericho
Kelly Nicole	Flipit Nikkibot	Cristina Gina

For the next step of the competition, the writers will all submit a recap of last week's episode of their respective shows. We'll post their submissions here on the site on Wednesday where you'll be able to read them and leave your feedback in the comments.

In the meantime, we've now posted our Veronica Mars submissions in the forums. Be sure to check them out and vote for your favorites (we updated the polls to be a little more helpful to us).

And thanks again to everyone who has submitted so far. Just because you didn't get picked as a finalist now doesn't mean we won't call on you later...

Recap - Chooch850
Screengrabs - Madeyoulaugh

This is not a show I would recommend as "must see" tv. In fact, watching it is as pleasant as visiting the dentist without novacaine. I only watch because they regularly feature 'our' TVGASM IDOLS. B-Side and Madeyoulaugh have been guests in the past. Last week our all-time favorite, nicotine addicted, snack hoarding, mj smoking, vodka guzzlin' Flipit made his debut.

I made sure I had everything ready before showtime. Dogs out to piss...check... snacks readily at hand.... check.... on-line live chat with my friends..... check.... boobs outta the way of the keyboard....check.....I'm ready..... LET THE SHOW BEGIN !!!!!!!

Hey TVgasm Family,

After a couple months of running the technical side of TVgasm solo, I finally got my friend Kronus to really help out. I've never been the technical guy so I was a bit overwhelmed having to fill both Ben and Joes shoes for a while, so needless to say I am happy to have Kronus in the fold.

You may have already seen him in the forums lurking around. You may also notice a few changes/gliches on the site as he tours the back end and figures out how the site was built and what goes where. Whenever he asks me where the fill in the blank is on Tvgasm, I just point to a computer... so clearly I'm of little help to him.

Once he is familiar with all that makes up TVgasm, we are going to work on another mini redesign that will address a lot of concerns you guys have issued in emails and forum posts. . . mainly the concern with portions of the site looking a bit cluttered.

If you notice glitches or problems with the site in the next week or so, please bear with us. But beyond that if anything is glitching by all means let us know by sending us an email at staff@tvgasm.com.

Oh, and one more thing. .. .just a shout out to TinkerbellAPixie who has been single handedly rockin out the forum moderation. . . Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.

Thanks now go read a recap instead of working or paying attention to your family,

saul
MYL

If you own a Sirius satellite radio, you may have heard me the past few weeks on E! Entertainments channel during the Michael Yo Show talking about HEROES. . .

Well, for this weeks finale of HEROES, TVgasms own Flipit will be making his satellite radio debut on the Yo Show. Im not totally sure what time he will go on. so be sure to listen to the whole show until you hear it. . .

It has only been a week (or two, depending on your shows) that the 'gasm has been in hibernation, and I imagine you're wondering where your good times went.

Nowhere! It's summer, bitches!!!

We've taken our week in the sun (you know that's a lie, cuz my pasty ass can't even begin to deal with sun) to come up with a batting order that's sure to please. As usual, your comments are NECESSARY. We need your input to know what's working and what isn't. After all, we are here only to get giggles from you. We've scoured high (ok, I have) and low (hiring people when you're sober or depressed just doesn't work, so I got high again) and came up with a pretty sweet summer batting order for you.

And now...(drumroll)...YOUR SUMMER OF 'GASMS will be brought to you by....

A few weeks back I mentioned in the forums that I think it's time for change. Specifically what I said was, "I think its high time TVgasm undergoes a make over. I think we can all agree the main page is a bit cluttered. Maybe all over the place. Ads are at times imposing and not well integrated into the site and there is so much content on the site, its become a little hard to navigate."

At the time I suggested a contest for you guys to come up with a new design for the site. I delayed announcing it fully until I had a killer prize. Im still working on that, but I dont want to delay. So fuck it. Even though the prize is TBD (it wont suck, I promise) I thought I'd open it up to you guys now.

Find out more after the jump. . .

HOLLA gasmii!!

Summer gave us a couple of gems (Rock of Love, anyone?), but there is nothing like the onslaught of Fall television to truly sate a true obsession with the tube. We've worked all Summer trying to build the perfect lineup for your reading pleasure. Please leave anything we missed that you absolutely must read about in the comments section and we'll do our best to get it covered. And now, without further adieu, TVgasm's Fall Lineup!

Hey Gasmii.

Applogies for those of you who had trouble accessing the site for part of Monday. Our ISP had a blackout or some such nonsense which knocked out TVgasm for several hours. Thanks to the many emails alerting us to the problem.

That's all for now.

-TVgasm

BY NICK THE INTERN:

Greetings faithful readers! This weekend I had the great pleasure of trying out for my favorite show, Big Brother! This is my second, and hopefully last, time trying out. And I don't know why, but both times there have been no more than 100 people there.

In my head, Big Brother casting calls have always been miles long, with people camping out for days to hold their spots in line. Not today. I strolled over to the tryouts around 11:00, and I was only number 20 in line.

Full story after the jump. . .

Last Sunday, I got the most fabulous news! Some of you may already have gotten word as well, but for those of you who haven't, I've been holding out over a week now to give you a very, very special Christmas surprise...

Just wanted to drop a line to all of our writers for kicking ass this year and making EW's Must Click list in the Best and Worst of 2007 edition on newsstands now! Thanks so much for all your hard work, guys, and thank you readers for sticking with us and making the site what it is today!

LOVELOVELOVE,

Flip and the gasm

So it's about 1:45 AM and I am visiting the family in Texas. I just settled down to watch Desperate Housewives (yes I love it so please just get off my ass) and couldn't concentrate. So I started tinkering around with the TVgasm buttons and I think that an angel came down and touched my shoulder or some crap because WE'RE BACK UP!!!!

Thanks everyone for your patience, and thanks Kesila and Jake for all their hard work in getting our software up and running. You will notice little things like faster page loads and one major thing: leaving comments is a two to five second ordeal instead of five minutes. HOLLER BALLERS. Anyway, this post has nothing to do with TV, I am just so excited and everyone is asleep. Another thing. BSG? ANYONE? I'm dying over here! Welcome home! And thanks for your patience!!! xo Flip

PS If you run into any glitches please let me know here in the comments section or at Flipit75@gmail.com.

Happy MLK day! And happy Lost week! Our fave is coming back for another season and we've got a pretty full schedule here for you. First off, we will have the funniest Lost recap writer on the net coming to the gasm this season. ACK!!!! Can you believe it? For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, an Ack refresher course follows after the jump.

For the geek perspective, we will be welcoming back Greybishop with TVgasm's first ever live call in radio show. Our first night is this Thursday at 7 pm Eastern Time. More info will come tomorrow morning to get everyone ready, but for now, enjoy the hilarity of Ack!

Cheers for JEARS!

Did everyone check out lost last night? WTF? I honestly have no idea, which is why Greybishop will be coming by every week to explain stuff to me. We are starting our first ever TVgasm radio show tonight at 7pm Eastern Time. To listen, just show up at the site and you will see the show going. All you have to do to listen is click, but if you want to chat along with us or call in and shoot the shizzle, you'll need to get a little bit more advanced. Instructions after the jump!!

I'm confused.
Me too.
Let's make a fire.
Sounds good.

We were nominated for a Best Entertainment Blog Bloggie!! SAWEEEEET! Thanks to everyone who nominated us and congrats to all of the writers! NOW GO VOTE!! We have some fierce competition, fo sho. Thanks for being with us, gasmii! LOVE