The votes have been cast, the results have been tallied, and the Wolfgang Puck-catered Governor's Ball has been booked. Yes, it's time to announce the winners of this year's Golden Gasm Awards, honoring the best and worst in the television landscape.
This year's highly-regarded panel of judges include TVgasm writers Amanda, B-Side, Copygodd, Edhill, J-Unit, m_ruv, and Umnata. Additionally, back this year as guest judges are Mark Lisanti, editor of Defamer.com, and Andy Dehnart, editor of Reality Blurred. Joining them is Joe Adalian, television editor for Daily Variety magazine.
Because this is our second glorious year of the Golden Gasms, we've decided to up the ante. Winners will be treated to a free dinner not from Olive Garden, but Red Lobster (redeemable until December 1st). They will also receive commemorative index cards with their names written on them. All in all, a wonderful gift package.
And now, let the ceremonies begin...
Most Memorable Moment, Scripted:
NOMINEES:
- Edgar dies, 24
- Vito caught in a gay bar, The Sopranos
- Marissa Cooper dies, The OC
- Denny dies, Grey’s Anatomy
- Veronica’s rapist revealed, Veronica Mars
Narrowly beating out other deaths from Marissa Cooper and Denny Duquette, Edgar's nerve-gas slaying was possibly the most emotionally involving moment ever on 24. Copygodd compares it to the day "when your dad told you the family dog went to live on a 'farm out in the country.'" How true indeed.
Most Memorable Moment, Unscripted:
NOMINEES:
- Chris Daughtry eliminated, American Idol
- Randal denies Rebecca in finale, Apprentice 4
- Santino does his Tim Gunn impersonation, Project Runway 2
- Paula gets drunk, hyperventilates, and yells “KISS MY ASS!”, The Real World: Key West
- Lisa pees in a diaper, America’s Next Top Model
This was a close one, but ultimately, Santino won out. Hard to beat the genesis of a catchphrase. Mark Lisanti writes, "The third season's almost over, and I still have to do a 'Where's Andrae?' at least once per episode."
Most Shocking Moment:
NOMINEES:
- A guy’s eyeball pops out and then his testicle explodes, House
- Various toes, eyeballs, penises, and hands chopped, cut, or gouged out, Prison Break
- Michael kills Ana Lucia and Libby, Lost
- Lara Flynn Boyle gets blown off a roof, Las Vegas
- Trump fires four people at once, The Apprentice 4
This wasn't even close. Minus a few spare votes for The Apprentice and Prison Break, pretty much everyone singled out Lost for this shocking twist.
Best Apprentice Moment of Humiliation:
PASSION!
NOMINEES:
- The guys sing “The Rubble Man,” Apprentice 4
- The girls perform a Lambourghini ad, introducing us to “PASSION!”, Apprentice 4
- Candidates sing with Burt Bacharach, Apprentice 5
- Candidates sing an Arby’s tune, Apprentice 5
- Jennifer repeatedly calls Zathura, “Zenthura” to Jon Favreau, Apprentice 4
Honestly, each one of these moments could have been a winner, and it's hard to deny the catchy idiocy of "The Rubble Man," but for its contribution to the TVgasm lexicon, hardly anyone could resist Toral and her PASSION. Joe Adalian, however, wrote in his own Apprentice Moment of Humiliation: "Um, that would be the ratings when they came in the next morning." Ouch!
Best New Series, Scripted:
NOMINEES:
- Everybody Hates Chris
- Prison Break
- Psych
- My Name Is Earl
- Dog Bites Man
The voters were pretty split on this one, with My Name Is Earl and Everybody Hates Chris nearly taking the crown (Joe Adalian wrote of Everybody Hates Chris, "UPN finally creates a classy comedy...and promptly goes out of business."). However, Michael Scoffield and his merry band of escapees proved too intense (and dreamy!) to be ignored. EdHill explained, "I love how this show's logic drives me insane while also entertaining me at the same time. It's like dating a hot, crazy chick. Yeah, it sucks that she's crazy, but damn, she's so hot."
Best New Series, Unscripted:
NOMINEES:
- The Hills
- Top Chef
- Dane Cook’s Tourgasm
- 8th and Ocean
- Flavor of Love
Following in the footsteps of Project Runway, Top Chef managed to capture our attention, despite us not being able to taste anything that was being judged. What the show lacked in viewer participation it more than made up for with a cast of colorful, eccentric characters. Plus, it also gave us one of the best catchphrases of the year: "I'm not your bitch, BITCH!" (Extra points also go to Miguel who introduced us to the deconstructed falafel sandwich).
Best Rivalry:
NOMINEES:
- Sabrina vs. Kelly, 8th and Ocean
- New York vs. Pumkin, Flavor of Love
- Dave vs. Tiffany, Top Chef
- Weavers vs. Linzes, Amazing Race: Family Edition
- Jo vs. chocolate syrup, Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Gauntlet II
« What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate | Main | Top Model Is The Greatest Show on Earth! »
Comments (19)
You forgot a nominee for Biggest Disaster...Desperate Housewives: The Applewhite storyline...actually scratch that...the whole season was an absurd disaster
Love the awards though...glad Santino won something...he's the best!
1 of 19 | Posted by Yanaja
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Posted on October 12, 2006 9:20 PM
You forgot a nominee for Biggest Disaster...Desperate Housewives: The Applewhite storyline...actually scratch that...the whole season was an absurd disaster
Love the awards though...glad Santino won something...he's the best!
2 of 19 | Posted by Yanaja
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Posted on October 12, 2006 9:21 PM
Gross. Diana Eng and her stuffed-nose speech and wallpaper personality? Egads. Frankly you could have nominated some better people in that category.
Heidi's interview pretty much clinched her category. Huzzah and kudos (and I bet the dumbass doesn't know what that means)
8th and Ocean proved surprisingly memorable. Who knew? I would have nominated Irene Marie's face as Biggest Disaster
3 of 19 | Posted by LaSexorcisto
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Posted on October 12, 2006 10:23 PM
And oh yea...Wes might be the biggest asshole in the Real World canon, but I think Carlos Mencia deserves to be punched (or kicked, your choice) in the head, repeatedly. I don't mind offensive comedy, as long as it is, ya know, FUNNY?
4 of 19 | Posted by LaSexorcisto
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Posted on October 12, 2006 10:26 PM
Best Villain, Scripted: Henry Gale aka Benjamin Linus, Lost
5 of 19 | Posted by geewits
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Posted on October 13, 2006 1:08 AM
You want to talk rebel? You didn't even mention my write-in vote for Treasure Hunters in the Best Reality Programming Category.
6 of 19 | Posted by umnata
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Posted on October 13, 2006 6:24 AM
Commemorative index cards...I love you guys. Hope you didn't break the bank on those. m-ruv, the Contessa IS sort of oddly mesmerizing. PS: I'm ready for everyone to stop using "huzzah" now.
7 of 19 | Posted by tvtvtv
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Posted on October 13, 2006 6:39 AM
god, i wanna see that fight on wife swap! (my computer won't let me, wtf?!)
Biggest Idiot-Male had to be a tuff one! I really don't know who I would have picked. Vinci is definately a quality choice. I laughed so hard at Heidi winning the Biggest Idiot-Female categorty. HA! nice one! especially the picture.
You're definately right about Steve and The Office.
8 of 19 | Posted by tigereye
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Posted on October 13, 2006 7:31 AM
What is with all these advertisment hyperlinks in all the blogs? Really annoying.
9 of 19 | Posted by Vidle
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Posted on October 13, 2006 9:10 AM
The real reason Phil is the best on Amazing Race, is of course the Philpackage.
10 of 19 | Posted by may1
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Posted on October 13, 2006 10:42 AM
I'm glad "Lost" came in second to "24." My two favorite TV dramas were on the top. I'm happy with the results!
11 of 19 | Posted by Tracie
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Posted on October 13, 2006 10:48 AM
B-side, I'm totally with you...Alex H/Roz should have won in a landslide. Her ability to ask 20 questions in a row during a normal conversation makes her the ultimate sidekick.
12 of 19 | Posted by TheEmancipationofGigi
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Posted on October 13, 2006 11:20 AM
I just can't believe J-Unit doesn't watch Lost.
13 of 19 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on October 13, 2006 3:18 PM
I'm so proud of J-Unit for not watching Lost.
Somehow, I can't believe Drew and Cheryl's Thriller routine (or the Cowboy one) didn't warrant any nominations. C'mon, B-Side, I know you loved 'em too.
14 of 19 | Posted by NoMantecaPorFavor
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Posted on October 13, 2006 6:32 PM
I guess I am the only person here who thinks Cat Deely is actually a decent host :(
And as much as you all LOVE the Chenbot, I think even with her on the ballot, Heidi should have given her a pretty good run for the gold. She may be the most entertaining; but the category is "BEST" so Heidi should win that one hands down. The Chenbot has numerous malfunctions . . . but perhaps that is your snarky idea of BEST. Oh well, at least you recognize the brilliance of both of these fine hosts.
15 of 19 | Posted by TWilliams
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Posted on October 13, 2006 11:33 PM
One more thing . . . why was Cirie from Survivor overlooked in the best female reality star? Diana and her magnets were bizarre; but a self-admited leaf-phobe who made it to the final four while playing EVERYBODY at least deserved a mention. I had great dislike for her after surviving the first tribal council; but had nothing but love for her from episode 2 onwards.
16 of 19 | Posted by TWilliams
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Posted on October 16, 2006 1:44 PM
What I love about Diana Eng is how contradictory her personality is to the things she says. Like when she was talking about how her lengiere line will be reminiscent of bondage. Haha, I love it!
17 of 19 | Posted by troiaj
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Posted on October 16, 2006 6:21 PM
Oh, and Arrested Development should have won over the Office... that show is hilarious.
18 of 19 | Posted by troiaj
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Posted on October 16, 2006 6:23 PM
Janelle! Janelle! Janelle! Yes, she sucked at so many points throughout the season. However, she and Dr. Delicious were the ONLY ones that kept BB All-Starts interesting this season. Let's give her some props, shall we?
19 of 19 | Posted by woodsyallen
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Posted on October 27, 2006 10:05 PM