Meanwhile, back in Hollywood, it was time to promote the other inane projects percolating amidst the group. We found Ty (the black guy) and Jamie Gertz walking on the Hollywood Boulevard when -- oh wait, I'm sorry. That wasn't Jamie Gertz. It was merely Matt, the struggling actor. Nevertheless, the two discussed Ty's passion project, Miles From Home. We learned that the film had won six awards on the festival circuit, although, sadly, none of the accolades were big enough to merit mention in the IMDb. By the way, for all you readers who aren't in "the biz" let me demystify something for you -- winning awards is always cool, but it's not particularly hard. Most small festivals will hand them out left and right if it means their program will get more attention. So this is basically my way of saying, "Yeah, not so much" to Ty.
Once Ty was done awkwardly tooting his own horn, it was time for Matt to read his resume to America. His new movie, Surf School was about to come out, and as a result, he was doing a TON of press and interviews and photo shoots. Yes, that's right. For Surf School. I mean, I don't want to diminish the cinematic brilliance of a cast that includes Sisqó and Justin from Desperate Housewives. I'm just saying that I didn't realize such a movie necessarily warranted a full-scale publicity blitz.
Anyway, Matt marveled at how misunderstood he was as an actor, commenting, "People think that just because you've been in a couple of movies that you're loaded and that, you know, you're about to be starring in Steven Spielberg films." Yeah, um, hate to break it to you, but as culturally significant the role of "Stoop" in Surf School is, it's not what one might necessarily term your "calling card" to Hollywood.
Well, Matt and Ty met up with the rest of the gang (sans the Carney brothers) at Los Angeles institution Micelli's, home of hanging Chianti bottles, singing waiters, and middling Italian food. I wouldn't be surprised if half these guys worked there when the cameras were off. Anyway, forming a modern day Algonquin Table, the dudes all sat together and engaged in a scintillating battle of the wits -- minus the wits. Resident stoner/reggae-singer/ferret Cipes relayed a powerful story about how he heard about this girl who was always nervous around people, and so she went to a therapist, and he told her that she used to be a shark in a previous life. As a result, she took shark cartilage pills, and now she's totally comfortable around people! Amazing... if you're an IDIOT. It's called a placebo.
Anyway, once this gripping account came to an end, Frankie announced that he had been invited to a pool party for a Vivid Girl (as in a pornstar). Even better, he was allowed to bring all his boyz. Thanks MTV! I mean, thanks random Vivid girl!
Back in Arkansas, Chris and Greg arrived at their childhood home where their parents, Pastor Ken and Ruth, welcomed them back with open arms. Ruth explained that she'd been all scared and has been crying all weekend, which didn't really explain why she and her hubby hadn't bailed out their own son. Nevertheless, everyone calmly lectured Chris, and Ruth informed him that the cops almost shot him. Anyway, this scene was pretty boring because of its low levels of douchebagginess. I found myself caring less about the family and more about their dinner table -- why was it so low? I mean, it wasn't coffee table height, but it certainly wasn't regulation height either. No wonder why Chris is so screwed up. He grew up in a household of abnormal furniture!
After the break, we found ourselves at Warner Brothers Animation where Cipes was to provide some voiceover work for the Teen Titans Movie. Joining him on this exciting adventure was Whitman, the proud inheritor of Johnny Rzeznik's douchebag hair. Apparently this whole "voiceover" thing was crazy to Whitman, and he had no other recourse but to ask Cipes, "What are you going to be? A musician or a cartoon character?" GOOD ONE!!! But wait, last time I checked, Cipes already was a cartoon character. ZING!!!
Anyway, we then saw Cipes doing his voiceover work, and if you thought he sounded annoying before, it was nothing compared to the squeaky sounds he emitted during this session. It was like nails on a chalkboard, but for a cartoon, it worked, and no one was happier than the voice director, who may or may not have been Olympia Dukakis.
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Comments (21)
man, oh man...what an EXCELLENT re-cap for a fucking LAME show!
There were alot of things that made no sense to me in this ep:
Good point about the parents not paying the bail...what was that all about? Like lil' bro is some big baller in LA and he's the ONLY ONE who has the cash. Pullllease.
Although...I did think the parents were very cute. Too bad their sons are douchebags.
The whole "let me call your lawyer to see about getting you out" thing was fishy as hell. I work for the court system (Not in Arkansas, but I would imagine it's pretty much the same everywhere) but there's no way you can settle on probation 2 days after getting out of jail. You gotta go to trial, or sign an agreement with the DA's. Then the Judge has to agree to THAT. The whole damn process takes at least 6-7 months. And what? Chris doesn't even have the balls to talk to his own lawyer? Also, not to mention the charges...they seemed pretty serious. Beating up 3 guys? Drving drunk? Going after the cops? Dayyym.
The final straw was the party at the end. Yeah, he sure learned his lesson alright. And what a bunch of fucking losers for giving their friend a party like that.
OH YEAH! one more comment....what the hell is with Whitman's hair? It looks like he was peer pressured like hell to get that haircut...doesnt' really seem to fit him at all!
PS....god I love this show. LOL
1 of 21 | Posted by anniedawg25
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Posted on December 14, 2006 5:29 PM
B-side, you're on fire this week! I must admit this show is painful to watch...the guys aren't even fun to look at...but the recap is great!
Best screencaps of the week!
So one of these guys dates Haley Duff? She freely admits to this?
2 of 21 | Posted by tvjoneser
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Posted on December 14, 2006 5:30 PM
I highly doubt he actually went to jail. Someone pointed out in the last recap that Chris' hair miraculously grew long enough to form a faux hawk in the span of 2 days. I also wondered why he wouldn't call his parents to bail him out.. although I know that if I were put in jail, I'd call my brother before my parents too.
SERIOUSLY.. I hated Ty on Even Stevens and I dislike him even more now. IMDB states that he was also in Material Girls with Hil and Haylie Duff. I see the connection now: Haylie = Greg's girlfriend, Ty = Greg's friend.
The girl that Ty was talking to on the couch is also an actress.. she was in "My Wife and Kids" and of course.. "You Got Served." Gotta love these quasi stars hamming it up for MTV.
3 of 21 | Posted by IJustWatch
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Posted on December 14, 2006 5:47 PM
Well, you've convinced me, B-Side. I must start watching this show.
4 of 21 | Posted by T-Bag
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Posted on December 14, 2006 9:08 PM
this has to be one of the most infuriating shows, but of course i'll be watching it...
'Surprisingly, he did not present a Monopoly card to the police officers'
f-in classic b-side
5 of 21 | Posted by GuiltyPleasure
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Posted on December 14, 2006 10:10 PM
As someone from Arkansas, I have to say I am saddened by how crappy the state's contributions to the reality tv genre have been. What are they? Well the first season of The Simple Life was filmed in Arkansas (actually about 25 miles away from where I went to college), there was Team Mojo from the Amazing Race, and now these two douchebags. Thanks, MTV!
6 of 21 | Posted by jumpedcut
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Posted on December 15, 2006 12:13 AM
I haven't finished reading this recap yet, but I just had to stop for a second to say.....
B-SIDE, I LOVE YOU!!!!!
Back to the recap......
7 of 21 | Posted by LuvzSunshine
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Posted on December 15, 2006 7:16 AM
Myrtle's the lucky one on this show.
8 of 21 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on December 15, 2006 8:03 AM
Does anyone know if this show is going to be showing on MTV canada?? After reading this I really want to watch it but I only get MTV canada!!
9 of 21 | Posted by coleejohns
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Posted on December 15, 2006 9:39 AM
lorenzo lamas alone will make me start watching and not just reading. he's a c-list legend!
10 of 21 | Posted by molls
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Posted on December 15, 2006 9:53 AM
OMG B-side! I almost peed my pants when I read "I choked a prostitued named Myrtle last night"
These guys are the biggest losers I have ever seen, but your recap makes it worth watching.
You're the best!
11 of 21 | Posted by dsher
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Posted on December 15, 2006 12:01 PM
OMG B-side! I almost peed my pants when I read "I choked a prostitued named Myrtle last night"
These guys are the biggest losers I have ever seen, but your recap makes it worth watching.
You're the best!
12 of 21 | Posted by dsher
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Posted on December 15, 2006 12:03 PM
I caught the last half of this ep earlier tonight. This show is so totally contrived, and poorly at that!
13 of 21 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on December 16, 2006 7:09 PM
This show sucks Twentyfourseven.
The recap makes watching the show worthwhile.
Thanks b-side.
hb
14 of 21 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on December 17, 2006 8:02 AM
Hasn't Ty been in stuff, mainly commercials? I know I've seen him before...ah yes IJustWatch..Even Stevens! haha, quality ham right there.
I LOVE your description of Cipes, dead-on. I was wondering myself why no one mentioned that the cartilage thing was obviously a placebo. But I guess none of them knows what that is.
I watched a few eps of this over the weekend, after a marathon of Rob & Big (which I love by the way) and got quite a kick out of it.
15 of 21 | Posted by tigereye
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Posted on December 18, 2006 8:55 AM
OMG B-Side that prostitute comment is just wrong! I liked it when Greg would be Debbie Downer and threw out a comment everytime Chris forgot he was just in jail. He's definitely the most rational of the bunch.
16 of 21 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on December 18, 2006 2:49 PM
Shayne is the love-child of Jessica Biel and Torrie Wilson.
This show sucks, it's so obviously staged, but I know i'll keep watching.
17 of 21 | Posted by CTVampSlayer
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Posted on December 18, 2006 2:52 PM
18 of 21 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on December 19, 2006 4:54 AM
This is the lamest, most ridiculous show to ever hit MTV. Of course I watch it...
A few things - I believe that Cipes was referring to a movie that's in the works about the girl who was a shark in her past life - not an actual story - I can't figure out which idiotic story worries me more...
Also - did anyone else notice that Shayne was talking like a porn star? "I don't usually take strangers' pineapples".... What a ho.
One more thing - I thought it was absolutely ridiculous that everyone threw Chris a party for going to jail. It's like a Heroin addict being locked up for shooting up on the street and his friends welcome him home with a syringe and a spoon.... Fucking retarded douchebags... what will they think of next?
19 of 21 | Posted by YouWannaBMe
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Posted on December 19, 2006 8:34 AM
I haven't seen this show.
Is it really worth watching?
20 of 21 | Posted by JerseyLove
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Posted on December 19, 2006 9:53 PM
NO!
21 of 21 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on December 20, 2006 5:50 AM