Out on the football fields, we learned that practice would be very chill this week on account of Hoover going up against a weak team. As a result, we had a minimum of Propst barking, which meant there was more time to listen to Goose drone on about his greatest foe, Alex. The portly player chuckled passive-aggressively about how Alex could get out of anything with nary a punishment. Basically, this was Goose's way of expressing displeasure that Kristin had opted to return to Alex, even after those nasty rumors surfaced a few weeks ago about that other girl. Oh, Goose. Don't you realize? You're fat and bitter. And you're not the star of your own MTV reality show. Sorry. No cheerleader for you. Maybe Blair if you're really lucky, but I'm pretty sure Keebler Elves don't date out of their race.
To be fair, by the time the girls showed up at the game, they did have considerably more black makeup on their faces. They kind of all looked like rollergirls, to be honest. We then went to commercial, and when we returned, The Powder Puff Derby of 2005 was underway. Basically, it was just a quick montage of the seniors scoring over and over and over again. The juniors almost scored, but those tenacious older girls quickly vanquished the threat with a mighty takedown. Ouch!
With the Powder Puff out of the way, we could now focus on the upcoming football game at Hoover. There was once again strife on the field, and at the center of it was none other than Goose. Funny how trouble seems to follow him. He was the lucky recipient of Repete's trash talk, and Goose no like that. Repete razzed him for always ordering people around practice, causing Goose to tell us that he simply did not like Repete -- he was too talkative. Sadly, what our rotund football not-star didn't realize was that he was misinterpreting sincere displays of affection. According to Repete, his way of showing that he cares for someone is by talking trash to them, having them talk trash back, and then later, they both go out and laugh about it. With that clarified, Goose seemed to take it pretty well: "He needs to learn how to shut up." Okay, maybe not so much.
Elsewhere in practice, defensive coordinator Jeremy Pruitt barked at someone, saying, "You need to check it to them over yonder!" He then added, "And while you're checking it to them over yonder, can I ask you a question? Have you ever heard of something called 'asparagus'? Seriously, what IS that?"
Max, meanwhile, was once again faltering. It seems like we can't go an episode without him zoning out into a fog of apathy. His punishment this time was that he'd have to serve as the team's punter. Oooh, that burns! Coach Pruitt took great joy in this demotion, asking, "Did I embarrass you good? I hope I did because you're embarrassing the hell out of me!" Yeah, what with your crazy "asparagus" and whatnot!
Finally, homecoming was upon us, and that meant two things: big game and big dance! And, it goes without saying, big bangs hanging down on the forehead. Coach Propst Blue Ribbon told us that he absolutely hated homecoming week because of all the distractions and "fun" and "joyfulness." But mainly the distractions. Later, while Repete imitated the humorless coach in the lockerrooom, Propst went out ot the field and talked to a bunch of little kids as if he were a demi-god, surely savoring this moment of power and prestige. I have to admit, this scene with the Hoover Buc Pee-Wees was oddly charming, especially when Propst was ever so kind to note, "Everbody got a pretty jersey on!" You hear that, Bobby Jo? Coach Propst thinks our jerseys are pretty! Asparagus for all!
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Comments (12)
"I got about seven of you in here ain't got your freakin' dead-gum SOCKS ON!!!" he yelled, revealing what might be a borderline OCD fixation on socks. I know football teams have strict codes about socks and uniforms and whatnot, but seriously, dude. Chill out!
Priceless, B-side. I couldn't stop laughing out loud and even brough the VP out of his office. I'll have to be more careful next time, I wouldn't want to be banned from my addiction, TVGasm, at work. But I do love the way Coach Pabst Blue Ribbon speaks. It makes me long for the simple life on down yonder.
1 of 12 | Posted by Coley
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Posted on September 27, 2006 11:58 AM
I know some of our Gasm'ers from the Deep South have explained this hair thing before, but I still don't get it. What is the friggin' deal? It looks so retarded. Talk about a hair style you'll look back upon with abject horror when you bring out the ole yearbook in 2026.
2 of 12 | Posted by joeypotter
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Posted on September 27, 2006 12:14 PM
I love this show most for taking me back to my days as a high school wrestler. The whole school didn't revolve around us like Hoover football, but our coach was only slightly less psychotic than Coach Probst.
Yes I'm a dirty old man, but darn if Blair didn't look hot all dressed up.
3 of 12 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on September 27, 2006 12:32 PM
Went to Tulane...as I learned from my Louisiana friends, the Hoover Bangs are known to them as the Southern Swoop.
I think it's cute...but VEEEERRY southern.
4 of 12 | Posted by D-Hoffs
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Posted on September 27, 2006 1:05 PM
I really think Kristin has had a boob job. My suspicions were initially raised in one of the earlier episodes when she and her Alex went swimming. But her cleavage in this episode was oddly Tori Spelling-esque. They just don't look right.
B-Side - a plane? Rosh Hashanah? your Mom's office? OMG, are you in CLEVELAND??? Want to drink PBR at Paninis in homage to Coach Propst?
5 of 12 | Posted by elljay8
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Posted on September 27, 2006 1:35 PM
Coach Propst Blue Ribbon kills me. I want to be him for Halloween; I imagine the costuming consisting of a beer gut, shorts, visor, sunglasses that were cool 10-15 years ago, and near-indecipherable Southern lingo. "Daggum dang-ole bull-hooey, y'all!"
6 of 12 | Posted by MissKatrina
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Posted on September 27, 2006 2:02 PM
http://ilovecamping.blogspot.com/2006/09/hoorah-for-hoover-high-homecoming-on.html
7 of 12 | Posted by GnomeCorp
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Posted on September 27, 2006 3:05 PM
"Don't move your laptop in sleep mode. While in sleep, the reading arm of the hard drive is actually on the hard drive. If you bonk the computer, you can wipe out a part of the drive."
- Maybe that will save your next laptop B-Side.
8 of 12 | Posted by Steve
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Posted on September 27, 2006 5:01 PM
I don't care what Goose says, Repete's the funniest guy on the team.
9 of 12 | Posted by Wade
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Posted on September 27, 2006 7:35 PM
Doesn't the little doofus know that you can only create that hairstyle by having your head in a sweaty football helmet for 18 hours a day?
10 of 12 | Posted by newtrino
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Posted on September 27, 2006 9:49 PM
My husband and I just moved to the northeast from Alabama. We've never lived outside the south before. He recently got his hair cut and they chopped off his southern swoop! He wears a baseball cap everyday, but everyone up here thinks it looks better. We're waiting for it to grow out. They mentioned trying gel in it. If you wore gel in Alabama, you would get beat up.
And the reason men don't look back in 20 years and cringe at their yearbook pic is because their hair is still in that fashion somewhat, if they're not losing it.
11 of 12 | Posted by ccsouth
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Posted on September 30, 2006 9:01 AM
When Goose was talking about Alex when Alex said he gets punished Goose said,"yeah but she..err it..." or something like that lol oops Goose you let it slip. I gotta say I loved the senior girls uniforms. It looked way cooler than the halloween colors the juniors were sporting.
12 of 12 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on October 2, 2006 10:02 AM