As game time approached, we learned that Max really would be the punter for the team. Apparently the normal guy was unavailable this week. Pruitt must have loved the extended humiliation for Max! Propst, meanwhile, had his own concerns -- namely, the state of socks on the Hoover Bucs. "If they ain't got no socks on, I may not let 'em dress! I may let 'em sit in the dressing room!" he snapped, thus bringing about the dreaded Sock Crackdown.
With the specter of illicit legging activity looming over the squad, Propst Blue Ribbon was left with no other choice but to sock it to the team, as it were, in the locker room. Yes, before anything had even happened, he was already pissed off, yelling at his boys in anticipation of feeling disappointed at the half.
"I got about seven of you in here ain't got your freakin' dead-gum SOCKS ON!!!" he yelled, revealing what might be a borderline OCD fixation on socks. I know football teams have strict codes about socks and uniforms and whatnot, but seriously, dude. Chill out!
Propst concluded his "motivational speech" by threatening that if the team didn't play well, "I'm gonna be real good and pissed off!" Um, as opposed to NOW?
After the commercial break, Hoover took the field, and for once, they weren't playing the Most Important Game of the Season that they Just Couldn't Lose against Their Biggest Rivals. They were merely going up against Pelham, but that didn't stop interception machine Ross from feeling anxious. Well, he needn't have felt nervous. Ross was just fine. In fact, the whole team was great. Things got off to a triumphant, sock-raising start as Bryan made a quick interception, leading to a score. If only a chandelier could have fallen for him! It would have been the perfect Bryan moment.
Hoover soon had another score on the board, bringing the tally to 14-0, and then the moment of doubt came: Max's first punt. And how did it go? Splendidly! A lovely punt! By the half, it was 21-0, and then it was time for that age-old tradition (that never actually existed in my high school): election of the Homecoming Queen. Nobody seemed more excited than Blair, who walked onto the field escorted by her Big Daddy. This was the moment she'd been waiting for all her life, it seemed. Her destiny, her calling, her... biggest disappointment EVER. That's right. Poor Blair failed to take home the crown. That went to skanky Kaitlyn Oliver instead. In your face, BLAIR!
As the girls all huddled around Kaitlyn, Blair told us that it was all okay because everyone was friends and everyone was happy for everyone and blah blah blah. Face it, Blair. You want to stab the bitch in the eye, don't you? Nevertheless, the girls all cooed insincere comments like "I'm so proud of yeeewww!!!" Translation: "I'm putting itching powder in your douche."
Well, the rest of the homecoming game unfolded like an Eli Manning Seattle nightmare. Final score: 35-0. With the game over and Coach Propst sated for the time being, it was now time for everyone to focus on what really mattered: the homecoming dance! All the players got dressed up in shirt and ties and such, and next thing we knew, it was picture time at Kristin's house (or maybe it was Blair's. Who knows). Proud parents snapped photos of their darling children, and it occurred to me that in this one little scene, the kids of Two-A-Days were more dressed up than any Laguna Beacher ever in the history of that series. It's comforting to know that if Talan or Jason were to show up at Hoover in their trendy shirts and blazers, they'd probably get beaten up to a pulp.
Anyway, the homecoming dance went pretty much as you'd expect: dancing, happiness, pictures, giant pronounced jaws (okay, that was mainly Alex). My favorite part came at the very, very end when the camera quickly panned by some dorky guy who clearly wanted to be like the football players. He had a crappy version of the Hoover bangs, and as the camera zipped by him, we could clearly see him patting his hair down, trying to fix his delicate locks. Sorry, dude. You either got it or you don't. And you, my friend, don't have it.
What did you think about this episode?
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Comments (12)
"I got about seven of you in here ain't got your freakin' dead-gum SOCKS ON!!!" he yelled, revealing what might be a borderline OCD fixation on socks. I know football teams have strict codes about socks and uniforms and whatnot, but seriously, dude. Chill out!
Priceless, B-side. I couldn't stop laughing out loud and even brough the VP out of his office. I'll have to be more careful next time, I wouldn't want to be banned from my addiction, TVGasm, at work. But I do love the way Coach Pabst Blue Ribbon speaks. It makes me long for the simple life on down yonder.
1 of 12 | Posted by Coley
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Posted on September 27, 2006 11:58 AM
I know some of our Gasm'ers from the Deep South have explained this hair thing before, but I still don't get it. What is the friggin' deal? It looks so retarded. Talk about a hair style you'll look back upon with abject horror when you bring out the ole yearbook in 2026.
2 of 12 | Posted by joeypotter
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Posted on September 27, 2006 12:14 PM
I love this show most for taking me back to my days as a high school wrestler. The whole school didn't revolve around us like Hoover football, but our coach was only slightly less psychotic than Coach Probst.
Yes I'm a dirty old man, but darn if Blair didn't look hot all dressed up.
3 of 12 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on September 27, 2006 12:32 PM
Went to Tulane...as I learned from my Louisiana friends, the Hoover Bangs are known to them as the Southern Swoop.
I think it's cute...but VEEEERRY southern.
4 of 12 | Posted by D-Hoffs
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Posted on September 27, 2006 1:05 PM
I really think Kristin has had a boob job. My suspicions were initially raised in one of the earlier episodes when she and her Alex went swimming. But her cleavage in this episode was oddly Tori Spelling-esque. They just don't look right.
B-Side - a plane? Rosh Hashanah? your Mom's office? OMG, are you in CLEVELAND??? Want to drink PBR at Paninis in homage to Coach Propst?
5 of 12 | Posted by elljay8
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Posted on September 27, 2006 1:35 PM
Coach Propst Blue Ribbon kills me. I want to be him for Halloween; I imagine the costuming consisting of a beer gut, shorts, visor, sunglasses that were cool 10-15 years ago, and near-indecipherable Southern lingo. "Daggum dang-ole bull-hooey, y'all!"
6 of 12 | Posted by MissKatrina
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Posted on September 27, 2006 2:02 PM
http://ilovecamping.blogspot.com/2006/09/hoorah-for-hoover-high-homecoming-on.html
7 of 12 | Posted by GnomeCorp
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Posted on September 27, 2006 3:05 PM
"Don't move your laptop in sleep mode. While in sleep, the reading arm of the hard drive is actually on the hard drive. If you bonk the computer, you can wipe out a part of the drive."
- Maybe that will save your next laptop B-Side.
8 of 12 | Posted by Steve
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Posted on September 27, 2006 5:01 PM
I don't care what Goose says, Repete's the funniest guy on the team.
9 of 12 | Posted by Wade
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Posted on September 27, 2006 7:35 PM
Doesn't the little doofus know that you can only create that hairstyle by having your head in a sweaty football helmet for 18 hours a day?
10 of 12 | Posted by newtrino
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Posted on September 27, 2006 9:49 PM
My husband and I just moved to the northeast from Alabama. We've never lived outside the south before. He recently got his hair cut and they chopped off his southern swoop! He wears a baseball cap everyday, but everyone up here thinks it looks better. We're waiting for it to grow out. They mentioned trying gel in it. If you wore gel in Alabama, you would get beat up.
And the reason men don't look back in 20 years and cringe at their yearbook pic is because their hair is still in that fashion somewhat, if they're not losing it.
11 of 12 | Posted by ccsouth
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Posted on September 30, 2006 9:01 AM
When Goose was talking about Alex when Alex said he gets punished Goose said,"yeah but she..err it..." or something like that lol oops Goose you let it slip. I gotta say I loved the senior girls uniforms. It looked way cooler than the halloween colors the juniors were sporting.
12 of 12 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on October 2, 2006 10:02 AM