**Letter from the Editor: Now, for your final pick from Auditiongasm! Please give a holla for the lovely and talented Pachita!!
Haim's face pretty much sums up the show.
Well, readers, it's here! The show we've all been dying to see, if for no other reason than we know it will be a total train wreck. You know, like when something so embarrassing happens to a friend that you find yourself laughing maniacally and taking pictures with your cell phone to send out to everyone in your phone book with a ridiculous caption like "Oops, she did it again!". That's right; it's The Two Corey's!!! I have to admit, I had never heard of it when I was bestowed the honor of recapping it, but a quick Google search told me just what I was in for. "I advise you to stay as far away from The Two Corey's as possible," and "In the realm of pop celebrity, the bar has been lowered so far that there is no bar" are just a few of the wonderful reviews I came across. Needless to say, I am super sonic psyched to be taking on such a crap-tastic show and hope you stick around for what can only be a fantasmical season.
In case you are unfamiliar with the premise of the show, the announcer spells it out for us and draws us a diagram complete with stick figures. Here's the abbreviated version: Corey Haim and Corey Feldman were teen heartthrobs and have spent the last 20 years becoming total losers. Feldman has done a little better for himself than Haim by marrying a total hottie (helloooo Susie!). What I love is that the announcer seems to have been duped into believing Feldman is a "working actor". Sorry, hombre, I'm not so sure The Surreal Life counts. Now, Haim is moving into the Feldman's house to jumpstart his career and his life. So, basically, they made a reality version of You, Me and Dupree. Can these former heartthrobs - and a wife - share a house without driving each other crazy? Consider my nails chewed.
For those of you who missed the first episode, don't worry, it was 100% pushing the limits of sanity. On his first night in the Feldman residence, Haim gets like, totally busted for getting mud on the carpet. He thinks Feldman's anger is unwarranted and tells him "dude, if you're going to be this anal, I'll break you right here right now." Glad we could settle that in an orderly fashion, gentlemen. Now, who'll have tea?
Day 2 does not go much smoother. By some strange twist of fate (also known as a duex es machina or 'producer magic'), one of the head representatives of PETA is coming for her very first visit. Needless to say, this is a muy big deal for the Feldman's who, in case you hadn't noticed, are vegans. Don't worry, Susie, I'm sure Haim will behave himself. Unsurprisingly, he acts like a big jerk, orders pizza and hits on the PETA lady, making Susie cry. The Corey's talk it out and all is right in the world again.
This week starts off with Susie getting a phone call from Stuff magazine telling her they want her to be in an issue. The fact that Susie is hot is driven home by a very generous shot of her chest. Hey, cameraman, get your head out of the gutters! This is a nice, pure American couple. I mean, come on, they're vegans! And neat freaks!
Gratuitous boobage
Turns out the shoot is going to interfere with a radio interview the Corey's have the next day for the 20th anniversary of The Lost Boys (which is one of the reasons the Corey's have reunited). Uh-oh, could this turn out to be a sticky situation for Feldman where he's torn between his wife and a guy that he used to be pretty good friends with but their fame was short lived and now that part of his life is over? I think so!
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Comments (10)
"I'd live on a motorized bed if I could" --
i totally have that dream too. one day i will make my bed car. maybe i could show it on poster board on american inventor?
1 of 10 | Posted by reckless_saturn
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Posted on August 10, 2007 1:01 PM
i'm a doc mcsteeny disciple and was begging (ok, i asked once) for this crapfest to be recapped. so glad to see it finally happened...though my i'm not taking my "Team Steen" shirt off just yet.
if you could refrain (and i mean this lovingly) from putting apostrophes into every f'in word: Corey's, Feldman's etc. i'd drive my motorized bed over to your place and we could hit O'Hare toot sweet.
this show is by far the most entertaining rubbish i've seen in a while. i catch myself doing the "wha?" face often while having my finger poised on the "channel up" button just in case i'm actually too embarassed for these turds. in what parallel universe does freaking corey feldman actually seem like the NORMAL one???? my stars.
the clothes, the emotion, the wife (granted, she's hot, but this chick is more than a few clicks shy of Mensa material---marrying feldman IS her job)...it's all too much to ask. hopefully they are so damn desperate that they give us a hearty good season. i'm so on board.
2 of 10 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on August 10, 2007 1:44 PM
Pachita, I too am a follower of the glorified goddess that is Dr. McSteeny (see "Scott Baio" recaps), but nevertheless, I enjoyed yours, especially as it seems you're a Chicago girl (I am originally from there). I think the motorized bed comment will be one all of us will repeat at some point in our week.
Corey Haim is completely narcisstic (sp?). I understand the whole "growing up in the spotlight" thing, and I'm sure the world gives you a warped sense of expectations when you enter Hollyweird that young, but come on! He should be grateful he got to do it at all. I see an episode featuring a visit to a sick children's ward as a priority check in his future...just guessing.
Can't wait to see the eppy where Haim talks about all these "hot" women he was engaged to at one point. Although, I don't think said engagement counts when you're stoned and drunk out of your mind.
3 of 10 | Posted by Shaz
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Posted on August 11, 2007 7:23 AM
Duly noted k37744 - I'll keep my eye out for those. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, thanks!
4 of 10 | Posted by Pachita
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:38 AM
Duly noted k37744 - I'll keep an eye out for those. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, thanks!
PS - reckless_saturn - THAT is an episode of American Inventor I would watch.
5 of 10 | Posted by Pachita
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:40 AM
eh. not a fan yet.
6 of 10 | Posted by Joe Blow
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:51 AM
Pachita, between this and your first rate recap for SYTYCD, I am a fan. Keep up the good work.
7 of 10 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on August 12, 2007 8:20 AM
k3774 "the wife ---marrying feldman IS her job"
That was hilarious!!
Great recap Pachita - but do we really need ANOTHER tv show drinking game? I think there are at least 5 other recappers who have incorporated drinking games into their recapping. I think it's a joke that's run a little thin.
I say get back to what you do best - dancing with your armchair while your dressed up dog watches. :)
8 of 10 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on August 12, 2007 10:11 AM
i adore how you handled my criticism. point-pachita.
9 of 10 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on August 13, 2007 9:07 AM
Bravo, Pachita! This recap had me LOL'ing all over the damn place. You now complete the trifecta: Schoonie, Flipit and Pachita ~ 4 Eva!
Look forward to next week's recap. Thanks for taking one for the Gasmi team.
10 of 10 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on August 13, 2007 12:25 PM