The next morning, Haim gets to the radio station and proceeds to tell the receptionist "Hi, I'm supposed to be here with two more people; Corey Feldman and his wife. But I'm on time and they're late." HA! Take THAT Feldman's! Haim basks in the glory of his own promptness until the deejay comments on Feldman's absence. "I don't need him, I don't need him to be here" Haim tells us, although I'm not entirely convinced. It appears he wasn't around when you were getting ready this morning, and while huge yellow aviator glasses and oversized basketball shorts are SO 2007 and age-appropriate, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you need him to help you get dressed. Seriously, you're inside now, you can take the glasses off. Can someone get Feldman in here please?
We see the Feldman's sitting together with Stuff Magazine on speakerphone while the deejays wonder aloud where the missing Corey is. One deejay realizes he's not coming and I'm not positive but, I think I see him slip Haim a roofie. That'll teach you to try and stage a comeback this late in the game! They talk a bit about their movies and ask Haim if there's going to be a Lost Boys sequel. He tells the camera that there's always been talk of a sequel and he's hoping that he and Feldman can write one together. Now, I'm going to have to object to this. It's been 20 years... you're old... washed up... and probably sporting one too many STD's for anyone's liking. How about this; raise your hand if you would like to see a Lost Boys sequel featuring the original Two Corey's. Anyone? No, I didn't think so.
When Haim returns to casa de Feldman, the lovebirds are sitting on the couch talking about the shoot. I find myself wondering, how much time has elapsed since Haim left this morning? Because it seems like the Feldman's have just been sitting around. Don't get me wrong, I am in no place to point fingers, I'd live on a motorized bed if I could, but doesn't that seem strange? I think I'm bothered most by her hat. Why would you get all dressed and even put on a cute little hat to sit around your house? Is it a new trend I have yet to hear about? Note to self: buy cute hat for lounging.
Haim comes home and is PISSED (only not really, these two are either really bad actors or are permanently screwed up from too many drugs, because every emotion is just so poorly portrayed) that Feldman didn't show and tells him to get his game on because he's being unprofessional. Well! You sure told him! Here's a little tip for you Haim, from someone who's had to play sober many a time, it's a tad more believable if you can keep your eyes focused and not slur your words. They argue about the radio show vs. Stuff spread and I wonder if I should call in and request a death match. Call me barbaric, but I think the show would be a million times better if it involved a fight to the death with gladiator gear.
Am I right or what?
The fight continues to get more ridiculous and displays just how immature both Corey's are. At one point Susie and Haim are going at it and a sad little boy can be heard in the background going "why can't we all just be happy?" Oops, my b, that was Feldman... awk-ward! Haim ultimately lays the smack down when he says that Susie isn't part of The Corey's, and she never will be. Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNN!
The next day the Corey's and Susie are flipping through a Stuff magazine trying to get some ideas for her shoot when I have to pause and go find the nearest pair of sunglasses. Either wearing sunglasses indoors is THE thing to do these days (what will those crazy kids come up with next, huh?) or The Corey's are just 100% backwards. Maybe Feldman is just wearing them so he can rip them off dramatically and make this face:
Lust... Passion... Obsession... Feldman
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Comments (10)
"I'd live on a motorized bed if I could" --
i totally have that dream too. one day i will make my bed car. maybe i could show it on poster board on american inventor?
1 of 10 | Posted by reckless_saturn
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Posted on August 10, 2007 1:01 PM
i'm a doc mcsteeny disciple and was begging (ok, i asked once) for this crapfest to be recapped. so glad to see it finally happened...though my i'm not taking my "Team Steen" shirt off just yet.
if you could refrain (and i mean this lovingly) from putting apostrophes into every f'in word: Corey's, Feldman's etc. i'd drive my motorized bed over to your place and we could hit O'Hare toot sweet.
this show is by far the most entertaining rubbish i've seen in a while. i catch myself doing the "wha?" face often while having my finger poised on the "channel up" button just in case i'm actually too embarassed for these turds. in what parallel universe does freaking corey feldman actually seem like the NORMAL one???? my stars.
the clothes, the emotion, the wife (granted, she's hot, but this chick is more than a few clicks shy of Mensa material---marrying feldman IS her job)...it's all too much to ask. hopefully they are so damn desperate that they give us a hearty good season. i'm so on board.
2 of 10 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on August 10, 2007 1:44 PM
Pachita, I too am a follower of the glorified goddess that is Dr. McSteeny (see "Scott Baio" recaps), but nevertheless, I enjoyed yours, especially as it seems you're a Chicago girl (I am originally from there). I think the motorized bed comment will be one all of us will repeat at some point in our week.
Corey Haim is completely narcisstic (sp?). I understand the whole "growing up in the spotlight" thing, and I'm sure the world gives you a warped sense of expectations when you enter Hollyweird that young, but come on! He should be grateful he got to do it at all. I see an episode featuring a visit to a sick children's ward as a priority check in his future...just guessing.
Can't wait to see the eppy where Haim talks about all these "hot" women he was engaged to at one point. Although, I don't think said engagement counts when you're stoned and drunk out of your mind.
3 of 10 | Posted by Shaz
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Posted on August 11, 2007 7:23 AM
Duly noted k37744 - I'll keep my eye out for those. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, thanks!
4 of 10 | Posted by Pachita
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:38 AM
Duly noted k37744 - I'll keep an eye out for those. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, thanks!
PS - reckless_saturn - THAT is an episode of American Inventor I would watch.
5 of 10 | Posted by Pachita
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:40 AM
eh. not a fan yet.
6 of 10 | Posted by Joe Blow
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:51 AM
Pachita, between this and your first rate recap for SYTYCD, I am a fan. Keep up the good work.
7 of 10 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on August 12, 2007 8:20 AM
k3774 "the wife ---marrying feldman IS her job"
That was hilarious!!
Great recap Pachita - but do we really need ANOTHER tv show drinking game? I think there are at least 5 other recappers who have incorporated drinking games into their recapping. I think it's a joke that's run a little thin.
I say get back to what you do best - dancing with your armchair while your dressed up dog watches. :)
8 of 10 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on August 12, 2007 10:11 AM
i adore how you handled my criticism. point-pachita.
9 of 10 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on August 13, 2007 9:07 AM
Bravo, Pachita! This recap had me LOL'ing all over the damn place. You now complete the trifecta: Schoonie, Flipit and Pachita ~ 4 Eva!
Look forward to next week's recap. Thanks for taking one for the Gasmi team.
10 of 10 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on August 13, 2007 12:25 PM