Turns out they're both just crazy, because a second later, completely unprovoked, Haim walks away from the gang and asks over his shoulder, "Susan, have I written you a death threat today?" Haim, get organized man! You should have a list of your pending death threats and be crossing them off as they are written, silly! I like to use a red pen for the crossing off; I think it adds a little something special. Oh, and a well placed picture of a hanging stick figure with a sad face and x's for eyes really shows them you went the extra mile. Happy threatening!
Haim announces that the Lost Boys anniversary premiere is finally here. He (once again) expresses his desire to do a sequel and I wonder, does he legitimately think that there will be a sequel featuring the same actors 20 YEARS LATER? Or is he just playing it up so we feel sorry for him and so the breakdown he has later that we've been seeing on previews for weeks seems more real? I don't know, maybe it's just because he is such a spectacular actor, but I'm having a hard time telling. And by spectacular I mean _____________ (fill in the blank on your own, I'm going with abysmal).
When they get to the premiere they hitch up with none other than Jameson Newlander!!! Wait, who? Ah, turns out he's another former actor from Lost Boys. Let the wallowing in self pity and denying of your lack of a career begin! Before the movie, the audience is treated to a question and answer portion with the audience. The first question is from a girl with the worst overjet I've ever seen who asks, "Are you guys single?"
I still suck my thumb!
Oh COME ON. There is no way anyone in their right mind would want to date either of them! I mean, sure they were in a few movies that were probably good in their day, but now? They're not cute and are obviously totally screwed up from child-acting syndrome. It's pretty obviously that they are still trying desperately to be the people they were in the 80's. Right down to the attitudes, outfits, and sunglasses. It's really pretty sad, but I digress. Regardless, I'd take Johnny Depp a la 21 Jump Street over The Corey's any day of the week.
Swoon!
The Q&A continues and, of course, the question of whether or not a Lost Boys sequel will be made. Feldman takes the easy way out and says he'd be interested if it were the same director and whatnot, Haim says fo shizzle, and Whatshisface says he would 100% absolutely do it no matter what. The audience has a good laugh at his expense (myself included, I find myself throwing popcorn and yelling, "Get off my screen, you're a disgrace to your family!" I'm really a very compassionate person) and they move on.
During the poster signing, Susie writes her name up on the poster and Haim/Susie clash continues. Haim, lets be realistic, Feldman is obviously going to choose his hot wife (who is WAAAAAAY out of his league, no?) over your sorry ass 9 times out of 10, lets give it a rest, k? Although, upon further inspection, I have the sneaking suspicion that the Feldman we see before us is nothing more than a robot. Maybe it's editing, maybe he's just that much of a wet towel, but he seems to do and agree with everything Susie says. Haim and Whatshisface want to go out and tell Feldman to come along. Feldman just kind of stares at the guys, which I suppose means he's not going. What's really creepy is the way Susie is staring at Feldman while he responds. It's as if she's willing him to say no with her mind alone. It's sinister... it's diabolical... it could do wonders for my evil empire, teach me Susie!
Excellent... now go fix momma a martini.
Feldman ultimately declines, but invites Whatshisface over for breakfast. Oh Corey, you are so lame! What kind of pansy man invited his friends over for breakfast? I treat my friends to body shot
s and lap dances, come on! The Feldman's head home for some hot vegan action while Haim and Whatshisface head out for the most happening bar in town. Seriously, they are RAGING. I haven't partied that hard since that time in college when I woke up naked in the middle of an O'Hare landing strip covered in maple syrup. 2/3 of The Lost Boys sure know how to party!
"WAIT, WHAT? I CAN HARDLY HEAR YOU OVER THE MUSIC"
"I SAID THOSE GIRLS AT THE BAR ARE HELLA CUTE, BRO!"
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Comments (10)
"I'd live on a motorized bed if I could" --
i totally have that dream too. one day i will make my bed car. maybe i could show it on poster board on american inventor?
1 of 10 | Posted by reckless_saturn
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Posted on August 10, 2007 1:01 PM
i'm a doc mcsteeny disciple and was begging (ok, i asked once) for this crapfest to be recapped. so glad to see it finally happened...though my i'm not taking my "Team Steen" shirt off just yet.
if you could refrain (and i mean this lovingly) from putting apostrophes into every f'in word: Corey's, Feldman's etc. i'd drive my motorized bed over to your place and we could hit O'Hare toot sweet.
this show is by far the most entertaining rubbish i've seen in a while. i catch myself doing the "wha?" face often while having my finger poised on the "channel up" button just in case i'm actually too embarassed for these turds. in what parallel universe does freaking corey feldman actually seem like the NORMAL one???? my stars.
the clothes, the emotion, the wife (granted, she's hot, but this chick is more than a few clicks shy of Mensa material---marrying feldman IS her job)...it's all too much to ask. hopefully they are so damn desperate that they give us a hearty good season. i'm so on board.
2 of 10 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on August 10, 2007 1:44 PM
Pachita, I too am a follower of the glorified goddess that is Dr. McSteeny (see "Scott Baio" recaps), but nevertheless, I enjoyed yours, especially as it seems you're a Chicago girl (I am originally from there). I think the motorized bed comment will be one all of us will repeat at some point in our week.
Corey Haim is completely narcisstic (sp?). I understand the whole "growing up in the spotlight" thing, and I'm sure the world gives you a warped sense of expectations when you enter Hollyweird that young, but come on! He should be grateful he got to do it at all. I see an episode featuring a visit to a sick children's ward as a priority check in his future...just guessing.
Can't wait to see the eppy where Haim talks about all these "hot" women he was engaged to at one point. Although, I don't think said engagement counts when you're stoned and drunk out of your mind.
3 of 10 | Posted by Shaz
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Posted on August 11, 2007 7:23 AM
Duly noted k37744 - I'll keep my eye out for those. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, thanks!
4 of 10 | Posted by Pachita
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:38 AM
Duly noted k37744 - I'll keep an eye out for those. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, thanks!
PS - reckless_saturn - THAT is an episode of American Inventor I would watch.
5 of 10 | Posted by Pachita
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:40 AM
eh. not a fan yet.
6 of 10 | Posted by Joe Blow
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:51 AM
Pachita, between this and your first rate recap for SYTYCD, I am a fan. Keep up the good work.
7 of 10 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on August 12, 2007 8:20 AM
k3774 "the wife ---marrying feldman IS her job"
That was hilarious!!
Great recap Pachita - but do we really need ANOTHER tv show drinking game? I think there are at least 5 other recappers who have incorporated drinking games into their recapping. I think it's a joke that's run a little thin.
I say get back to what you do best - dancing with your armchair while your dressed up dog watches. :)
8 of 10 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on August 12, 2007 10:11 AM
i adore how you handled my criticism. point-pachita.
9 of 10 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on August 13, 2007 9:07 AM
Bravo, Pachita! This recap had me LOL'ing all over the damn place. You now complete the trifecta: Schoonie, Flipit and Pachita ~ 4 Eva!
Look forward to next week's recap. Thanks for taking one for the Gasmi team.
10 of 10 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on August 13, 2007 12:25 PM