Seriously though, this 'bar' is obviously on an extra set they had next to the movie premiere. This is evidenced by the ladder in the background and LACK OF ANY OTHER PEOPLE. They spend most of the night talking about how radical a Lost Boy's sequel would be. Honestly, if this guy were any more desperate I'd write him a letter on counterfeit letterhead saying we wanted him for the starring role in Lost Boys II, Grandpa's Revenge in hopes that the camera crew would get his reaction for season 2. Turns out, I'm a bad person. Sue me.
The next morning the gang is over for breakfast where Susie is making eggs and veggie bacon. We get an ECU of the veggie bacon and it literally looks like someone cut pink construction paper into strips and laid them into the pan. Susie, I get it, YOU'RE VEGAN, I don't care!
I wouldn't feed this to my dog
Over this delicious and nutritious breakfast of cardboard, Haim brings up - what else? - A Lost Boys sequel. Jesus H. Christ, boy, there is not going to be a sequel! Get it through your flipping head. In retrospect, I should have made this into a drinking game. If you take a shot every time Haim mentions a sequel, you'll be halfway to O'Hare in no time at all! He and Whatshisface start brainstorming and it just goes from bad to worse, which makes me wonder again how serious they're being. I'm pretty sure Whatshisface is just messing around. Maybe Haim is the only one that really expects something out of this. The Feldmans put an end to the craziness and say that after 20 years it wouldn't be done right and probably shouldn't be done at all. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, FELDMANS. It's about time someone voiced this. Haim does not seem pleased by this response.
The Corey's have sufficiently made it awkward for everyone at the table and Whatshisface takes off. Once he's gone, Haim continues to talk about the sequel and I completely fly off the handle. I've already broken several plates and am hanging out my window when Feldman sits him down for a little chat. I realize that plummeting to a certain death will prevent me from seeing the Haim breakdown I've been waiting for all week and take a seat back on the couch.
Feldman tells Haim that Warner Brothers is already making a Lost Boys 2, and they are not going to be in it. He reveals that they asked him to do a cameo, prompting Haim to quickly reply, "what about me?" HA, the truth hurts don't it, home-slice? That's what you get. That is what you get for making me break things that don't even really belong to me. HA! Okay, the conversation continues and I get kind of sad. It must have been really hard growing up in the spotlight. The fame and fortune is a double-edged sword if I've... okay, okay, I'm sorry. I couldn't even keep a straight face for that one. Cry me a freaking river. Haim starts crying, Feldman consoles him and they start making out... it gets weird. It ends with a big Corey hug and Haim gets a little too touchy-feely for my liking.
I love you, man. Can you feel it? Can you feel my love on your hip?
Well, that was interesting. Now on to the fun stuff! Its time for the Stuff shoot! While The Feldman's get ready, Haim comes in and tells them he's going for a walk. What are they, his parents? Why does he need to announce this? Is he not free to go where he wants while staying with them? They feign concern for him until the doorbell rings. Stuff time! The Stuff crew consists of what seems like 8,000 people. They set up shop and start taking their pictures. The real attraction here is not Susie, but their dog who I've named Roy. Turns out if Susie's career (PS - what does she do? Anyone have any idea?) doesn't take off from this shoot, Roy is proving to be a promising addition to the world of PlayDog pictures.
Ooh, fierce! Now give me coy...
The shoot goes smoothly, and later that night the Feldman's are lounging around and wondering where Haim is. Apparently, he's been gone the entire day (again, time frame unclear) and they are starting to worry. He walks in just as they are sitting down to eat and is carrying what looks like a big Tiffany's box! Ooh la la! Note to self: get on Corey Haim's good side, he gives good gifts.
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Comments (10)
"I'd live on a motorized bed if I could" --
i totally have that dream too. one day i will make my bed car. maybe i could show it on poster board on american inventor?
1 of 10 | Posted by reckless_saturn
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Posted on August 10, 2007 1:01 PM
i'm a doc mcsteeny disciple and was begging (ok, i asked once) for this crapfest to be recapped. so glad to see it finally happened...though my i'm not taking my "Team Steen" shirt off just yet.
if you could refrain (and i mean this lovingly) from putting apostrophes into every f'in word: Corey's, Feldman's etc. i'd drive my motorized bed over to your place and we could hit O'Hare toot sweet.
this show is by far the most entertaining rubbish i've seen in a while. i catch myself doing the "wha?" face often while having my finger poised on the "channel up" button just in case i'm actually too embarassed for these turds. in what parallel universe does freaking corey feldman actually seem like the NORMAL one???? my stars.
the clothes, the emotion, the wife (granted, she's hot, but this chick is more than a few clicks shy of Mensa material---marrying feldman IS her job)...it's all too much to ask. hopefully they are so damn desperate that they give us a hearty good season. i'm so on board.
2 of 10 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on August 10, 2007 1:44 PM
Pachita, I too am a follower of the glorified goddess that is Dr. McSteeny (see "Scott Baio" recaps), but nevertheless, I enjoyed yours, especially as it seems you're a Chicago girl (I am originally from there). I think the motorized bed comment will be one all of us will repeat at some point in our week.
Corey Haim is completely narcisstic (sp?). I understand the whole "growing up in the spotlight" thing, and I'm sure the world gives you a warped sense of expectations when you enter Hollyweird that young, but come on! He should be grateful he got to do it at all. I see an episode featuring a visit to a sick children's ward as a priority check in his future...just guessing.
Can't wait to see the eppy where Haim talks about all these "hot" women he was engaged to at one point. Although, I don't think said engagement counts when you're stoned and drunk out of your mind.
3 of 10 | Posted by Shaz
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Posted on August 11, 2007 7:23 AM
Duly noted k37744 - I'll keep my eye out for those. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, thanks!
4 of 10 | Posted by Pachita
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:38 AM
Duly noted k37744 - I'll keep an eye out for those. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, thanks!
PS - reckless_saturn - THAT is an episode of American Inventor I would watch.
5 of 10 | Posted by Pachita
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:40 AM
eh. not a fan yet.
6 of 10 | Posted by Joe Blow
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Posted on August 11, 2007 8:51 AM
Pachita, between this and your first rate recap for SYTYCD, I am a fan. Keep up the good work.
7 of 10 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on August 12, 2007 8:20 AM
k3774 "the wife ---marrying feldman IS her job"
That was hilarious!!
Great recap Pachita - but do we really need ANOTHER tv show drinking game? I think there are at least 5 other recappers who have incorporated drinking games into their recapping. I think it's a joke that's run a little thin.
I say get back to what you do best - dancing with your armchair while your dressed up dog watches. :)
8 of 10 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on August 12, 2007 10:11 AM
i adore how you handled my criticism. point-pachita.
9 of 10 | Posted by k37744
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Posted on August 13, 2007 9:07 AM
Bravo, Pachita! This recap had me LOL'ing all over the damn place. You now complete the trifecta: Schoonie, Flipit and Pachita ~ 4 Eva!
Look forward to next week's recap. Thanks for taking one for the Gasmi team.
10 of 10 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on August 13, 2007 12:25 PM