Hey gang! Sorry about the lack of recaps last week, I was stuck on a never-ending vacation. I knew I just had to get back to my favorite middle-aged delinquents, so I fearlessly endured the perilous journey full of hurricanes, tornados, and countless crying children in airports around the world to get back to my men. I mean, come on, wouldn't you? These aren't just any men, they're the Two Coreys!
Boys, BOYS! Don't fight over lil' ole me!
So here's what we missed: While Haim is preoccupied with Jojo, Feldman and Susie realize it is the perfect time to get away and take off for Whistler. Their vacation bliss is short lived, however, by another one of Haim's "like, totally life-changing, like, stuff" moments. Haim shows up at their hotel the next morning insisting he has to talk to Feldman. Who knew the vacation wouldn't go as planned?!
While they are chatting, Feldman learns that Haim wants to marry Jojo and anyone watching learns that Haim needs to go back to first-grade. He tells Feldman, "Dude, I've been engaged twice; once to Nicole Eggert, once to Krick, once to Taryn - you know this - and once to that chick from the autograph show." Yikes, not only did you just admit you were so drugged up back then that you forgot the name of a woman you were engaged to, but my abacus and I are pretty sure that makes four.
The following episode is all about Corey's band. The entire half hour is a plug for Corey Feldman's Truth Movement. Or, as I like to call them, Corey Feldman's Awful. Haim wants to surprise Feldman by setting a gig up for him. Poor, simple-minded Haim doesn't realize how much work it is to make a talent-less band seem halfway decent, so they bring in Tim Stinson. Apparently, he is a legendary tour manager. But if you ask me, he looks kind of like that creepy guy who has the bizarre ability to clear a room of children due to their mothers shoving them into the cars when he comes around. I mean really, would you take advice from this man?
Legendary Creep
After much unnecessary drama, we see Corey Feldman's Truth Movement perform at the end. It was the highlight of my entire year.
Yes, that is Corey Feldman. And yes, he is wearing a fuzzy top hat. Perfect.
This week's episode starts out with Haim in the kitchen making breakfast for Lady Jojo. He is showing off his culinary prowess by multi-tasking his ass off. A little whisk over here, some buttering over there, flipping what I'm fairly certain is Playdoh on the stove... He must be using little Zen Feldman's Meal Makin' Kitchen. Silly Haim, that's not real food!
He arranged everything nicely on the tray and heads upstairs, passing Susie on his way. Susie gets down to the kitchen and is P-I-S-E-D at the mess (Sweetest Thing reference, purposely misspelled). Seriously, it looked as if he had stood at the refrigerator and thrown things around the kitchen. There didn't even seem to be much food on the tray, but every condiment imaginable was spilled on the counter somehow. Cue my Poppy saying, "Looks like Hurricane Corey came through here!" as he did to me every single time he saw the disaster that was my room. Oh Poppy!
Corey gets up to the room where Jojo is dressed, packed and ready to leave. If I were the sound effects guy, I'd insert a "wah wah wah waaah" right there. When he asks what's going on she tells him she needs to go home. Apparently, this lady is a lady and prefers the company of men with a side of COMMITMENT. Haim just kind of mumbles nothing in particular and I can see the utter disbelief in his eyes. Jojo, this is Corey Haim we're talking about here. Who the F do you think you are? No one says no to Corey Haim, NO ONE! Jojo repeats that she can't stay unless there's some kind of commitment and the disbelief turns to tears (meaning I just won my "That puss is bound to cry more than once this season" bet.)
Ever the gracious hostess, Susie is still fuming over the mess Haim left in the kitchen. Feldman comes strolling in and I, again, find myself at a loss for words. He is wearing a long black bathrobe, dark sunglasses, and a black baseball cap. Apparently, he is reliving the glory days of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but has forgotten he played Donatello, not Splinter. I cannot believe he has even managed to ruin the Turtles for me.
Bossa Nova!
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Comments (5)
Hil-Ar-I-Ous recap. I can't get this show where I live, and wish I could. Those guys were my heroes back in the day. Too bad... you know.. all that happened to them. I love these contrived "reality" shows. Man.
1 of 5 | Posted by It'sLikeKissingAPeanut!
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Posted on August 30, 2007 5:12 PM
I think there might be some sexual tension between Susie and Haim and Feldman's just in the way lol. I don't really like Susie, she kind of annoys me even though sometimes I agree with her about Haim getting on her nerves. BTW I think Haim looks good, he's still kinda cute whereas Feldman just looks weird as hell. Great recap :)
2 of 5 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on August 30, 2007 10:49 PM
Fabulous, Pach....
Haim is the ultimate douchbag. This guy has to be smoking crack behind the scenes because he is so erratic all the time, seriously, calling your friends wife a "fucking bitch".... who DOES that? Don't get me wrong, I don't think Susie is a saint, but there's no need for the name-calling.
I think it's also strange that nobody ever says anything about Susie and Corey's kid. Named Zen. Oy. I can understand shielding the kid from the cameras, but at least acknowledge its existence........
3 of 5 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on August 31, 2007 9:19 AM
The first few episodes of this show were watchable just in a "I gotta see this" kind of way.
I stopped watching during the episode where Susie says she wishes they had more insurance on the house. IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE! It's a rented house up in Canada. Your kid has been hidden and no mention made of him. The show is SCRIPTED! It's so terrible. And I just love that old smokers voice Susie has no better lines scripted for her than to complain that "her" kitchen is a mess.
But I love the recaps! Hilarious!!
4 of 5 | Posted by jenni20
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Posted on September 3, 2007 6:35 AM
Hey Pachita!
I'm Jay Black (the guy on the phone in this episode). Just so you know, the idea involves two guys waiting in line in front of an electronics store on the eve of the release of a brand new video game system. Not, as you mention in your recap, a comic book convention.
Hope this new information upgrades your assessment of the idea from "the worst idea in the history of anything" to something a little more respectable. If not, we won't be calling you for help on the rewrite :)
Best,
--jayblack
5 of 5 | Posted by jay black | Posted on September 10, 2007 6:03 PM