Anyway, Susie is irate because Haim cooked bacon in their pans. They discuss what the pigs name was and how much of the pig he cooked. Feldman says its name was probably Babe or Wilbur and I wonder if they really wouldn't be able to come up with something more creative. I would throw out a few examples but I come up with pretty killer names and don't want to give any away.
Susie ultimately tells Feldman that Haim has officially overstayed his welcome. Now, I have touched upon this in an earlier recap (to no avail, apparently). If Haim were to leave, the show would be ruined, no? Unless, of course, they continued Two Coreys as a sitcom where Haim is the Feldman's zany neighbor. If that were the case, though, I'm fairly certain I could walk to my neighbors with a video camera and record our everyday interactions for the same effect (which, incidentally, would be infinitely more entertaining. I have a theory my neighbor is a serial killer of sorts. It would make for a wild ride full of mystery and intrigue. Methinks I'd call it Sexy Ass Pachitas...or something.)
Haim is still trying to wrap his mind around committing as Jojo says her goodbyes. No one seems to be surprised by the untimely departure which gets my spidey-senses tingling. If this isn't entirely contrived, they must not be the most frugal bunch. You can't just waltz into an airport and say you want to get on the next plane to London. Not only do last minute flights cost a pretty penny, but they will be metal-wanding your unmentionables so fast you won't know what hit ya!
Back at casa de Feldman, we find Susie flipping through the classifieds for a new house. Feldman is against moving because he says change makes him uncomfortable. I laugh for a while at the idea of change making him uncomfortable. I mean, I would think a man who's afraid of change would subconsciously remain in a state of arrested development at the stage of his life he was most satisfied. Like, oh I don't know, fame and fortune in the teen years? But that is SO not Corey Feldman, right? Funny how he would say something like that, isn't it? Yeah. Anyway, they decide to go later and look at some houses.
So, everyone has something they do when they're home alone. I, for one, like to put on a pair of the 6-inch heels I keep buying in eternal anticipation of a gala or something equally fabulous to wear them to. I don't actually do anything else, just continue with my nothing. Its always just about the time I'm starting to feel super fancy and contemplate putting on a dress to match when my boyfriend walks in, sees me, and shakes his head sadly as he walks back out the door. I really should change the locks... but, I digress. Turns out when Haim is alone he wanders aimlessly looking for someone who might have stayed behind unbeknownst to him. It's actually pretty sad, like a game of Marco Polo gone awry.
....Maaaaarco!
He finally decides to go shopping for art supplies to make a painting for his hosts. Considering he is 1) a grown man 2) not, in fact, an artist and 3) possibly retarded; I am already contemplating all the ridiculous[ly stupid] things we are in for when he asks a salesperson if they sell glow-in-the-dark paint and black lights. Ooh, this should be a good one! Needless to say, Haim does not disappoint. He sets up shop in the kitchen and proceeds to "paint". I use the term loosely because it starts like this:
...and ends like this:
It's just bad.
Feldman and Susie arrive home in time to see Picasso himself at work. Susie is once again furious that her kitchen is in such disarray and this time she really does seem to be upset. Don't worry, Susie, if my houseguest painted me something that looked like it had been run over a couple of times by a car with a leaking oil tank and expected me to hang it in my house, I'd be mad too. They start arguing back and forth and I stop listening, mainly because it's a lot of the same. My ears perk up when Haim says "why don't I just cook up some cocaine and smoke it right here. How about I make myself at home that way?" Mmm, crack! Now, tell me Corey, how much baking powder do you use? Because, gosh darn it, I just can't seem to get it right!
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Comments (5)
Hil-Ar-I-Ous recap. I can't get this show where I live, and wish I could. Those guys were my heroes back in the day. Too bad... you know.. all that happened to them. I love these contrived "reality" shows. Man.
1 of 5 | Posted by It'sLikeKissingAPeanut!
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Posted on August 30, 2007 5:12 PM
I think there might be some sexual tension between Susie and Haim and Feldman's just in the way lol. I don't really like Susie, she kind of annoys me even though sometimes I agree with her about Haim getting on her nerves. BTW I think Haim looks good, he's still kinda cute whereas Feldman just looks weird as hell. Great recap :)
2 of 5 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on August 30, 2007 10:49 PM
Fabulous, Pach....
Haim is the ultimate douchbag. This guy has to be smoking crack behind the scenes because he is so erratic all the time, seriously, calling your friends wife a "fucking bitch".... who DOES that? Don't get me wrong, I don't think Susie is a saint, but there's no need for the name-calling.
I think it's also strange that nobody ever says anything about Susie and Corey's kid. Named Zen. Oy. I can understand shielding the kid from the cameras, but at least acknowledge its existence........
3 of 5 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on August 31, 2007 9:19 AM
The first few episodes of this show were watchable just in a "I gotta see this" kind of way.
I stopped watching during the episode where Susie says she wishes they had more insurance on the house. IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE! It's a rented house up in Canada. Your kid has been hidden and no mention made of him. The show is SCRIPTED! It's so terrible. And I just love that old smokers voice Susie has no better lines scripted for her than to complain that "her" kitchen is a mess.
But I love the recaps! Hilarious!!
4 of 5 | Posted by jenni20
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Posted on September 3, 2007 6:35 AM
Hey Pachita!
I'm Jay Black (the guy on the phone in this episode). Just so you know, the idea involves two guys waiting in line in front of an electronics store on the eve of the release of a brand new video game system. Not, as you mention in your recap, a comic book convention.
Hope this new information upgrades your assessment of the idea from "the worst idea in the history of anything" to something a little more respectable. If not, we won't be calling you for help on the rewrite :)
Best,
--jayblack
5 of 5 | Posted by jay black | Posted on September 10, 2007 6:03 PM