The fight continues to escalate and Haim finally says, "You know what? Its time for me to go home. This is enough, I've had enough." This I find pretty amusing. Enough of what, exactly? Doing absolutely nothing? Destroying your friend's house with no consequences? Leeching off said friend because he has been slightly more successful than you? Susie, of course, is all for it. Nothing is actually decided though, and everyone retreats to separate corners of the house.
What do you know, right after Haim declares his departure, Feldman gets a call from his manager who says that someone has written a script that he want the two Coreys for. I have to pause and It is at this point where I just cannot even pretend that any of this is real anymore. There is no way that a writer somewhere thought to himself, 'hey, you know who would be great in this? The Coreys!
Feldman is torn, because he knows that Susie doesn't want Haim to stay in the house any longer. He also knows that having Haim stay is the only way to prolong the show (unless A&E is looking to pick up a fun new dramedy! We can discuss the title, have your people call my people!), which is their only shot at a comeback. He brings it to Susie first, telling her that Haim will still leave the following day, but may have to come back to work on the project. It goes without saying the Susie is not too happy about this one. Tensions are flaring in the Feldman house today and all I have to say is, WE DON'T NEED NO WATER LET THE MOTHER F***ER BURN!
When Feldman approaches Haim about the project, Haim asks "you know this guy? He does good work?" Oh, SPARE ME. Like you are in any position to be choosy about who you work with. Someone is offering you a job! A perfectly good job! Good lord, I'm having tunnel-vision and flashes of Capital Grille all over again, what is wrong with this man?!
The Coreys meet with Feldman's agent and they get on the phone with some industry people. On the phone with the writer is Jay Black, whom Haim affectionately calls "Jay Black White Guy." Well, glad we've added 'racist' to your long list of personal attributes, Haim. Thanks for that. They get to talking about the movie and it is literally the worst idea for a movie I have ever heard. Scratch that, it is the worst ANYTHING I have ever heard, and I've heard a lot of bad things. I've even created a lot of bad things (e.g. my attempted homemade anything) and this is still the worst. It will be called The Line and will be about all the characters waiting in line at a comic book convention. The Coreys will be two of the "characters" in the line. What can I even say about that?!
Tee-hee, I'm ignorant!
Back at the house, Feldman and Susie go into a room and shut the door to discuss Haim staying for the duration of this project (which everyone is so psyched about they want to start immediately). Haim, being a huge asshole, crouches outside the door and listens. When he hears Susie saying several times "he can't stay here," he barges in and they start arguing. Yeah, remember when I said "I may hate myself later for saying this but I'd totally get drunk and make fun of people with Haim"? Yeah, I hate myself. But I hate Haim more.
The fight continues to escalate as Haim tells Feldman to keep Susie on a leash. Wow, the inappropriate comments just keep on coming today, huh? We find ourselves at the "we're a team, you don't have a team" fight we've been seeing in previews all season. Ultimately, Haim turns to Susie and straight up says "why are you such a fucking bitch?!" Upon hearing this, Feldman flies off the handle and goes after Haim. Although Feldman is small and probably couldn't do much damage to the crack-addled Haim, this entire fight elates me. I just really hope that someday, someone knocks the shit out of Corey Haim. And I don't think I'm alone on that.
"Dude, how's my breath?"
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Comments (5)
Hil-Ar-I-Ous recap. I can't get this show where I live, and wish I could. Those guys were my heroes back in the day. Too bad... you know.. all that happened to them. I love these contrived "reality" shows. Man.
1 of 5 | Posted by It'sLikeKissingAPeanut!
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Posted on August 30, 2007 5:12 PM
I think there might be some sexual tension between Susie and Haim and Feldman's just in the way lol. I don't really like Susie, she kind of annoys me even though sometimes I agree with her about Haim getting on her nerves. BTW I think Haim looks good, he's still kinda cute whereas Feldman just looks weird as hell. Great recap :)
2 of 5 | Posted by MichyPR
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Posted on August 30, 2007 10:49 PM
Fabulous, Pach....
Haim is the ultimate douchbag. This guy has to be smoking crack behind the scenes because he is so erratic all the time, seriously, calling your friends wife a "fucking bitch".... who DOES that? Don't get me wrong, I don't think Susie is a saint, but there's no need for the name-calling.
I think it's also strange that nobody ever says anything about Susie and Corey's kid. Named Zen. Oy. I can understand shielding the kid from the cameras, but at least acknowledge its existence........
3 of 5 | Posted by Krizzatch
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Posted on August 31, 2007 9:19 AM
The first few episodes of this show were watchable just in a "I gotta see this" kind of way.
I stopped watching during the episode where Susie says she wishes they had more insurance on the house. IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE! It's a rented house up in Canada. Your kid has been hidden and no mention made of him. The show is SCRIPTED! It's so terrible. And I just love that old smokers voice Susie has no better lines scripted for her than to complain that "her" kitchen is a mess.
But I love the recaps! Hilarious!!
4 of 5 | Posted by jenni20
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Posted on September 3, 2007 6:35 AM
Hey Pachita!
I'm Jay Black (the guy on the phone in this episode). Just so you know, the idea involves two guys waiting in line in front of an electronics store on the eve of the release of a brand new video game system. Not, as you mention in your recap, a comic book convention.
Hope this new information upgrades your assessment of the idea from "the worst idea in the history of anything" to something a little more respectable. If not, we won't be calling you for help on the rewrite :)
Best,
--jayblack
5 of 5 | Posted by jay black | Posted on September 10, 2007 6:03 PM