The next day, Alex roamed the hallways, looking for his girlfriend, but a hyper, gossipy girl informed him that she had already left for PA. But wait! There she was! She hadn't left after all! Luckily, the gossipy girl rapidly explained all: "Oh, I told him you already left because I thought you did." WELL, SHE DIDN'T LEAVE, YOU STUPID BITCH! GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU START TELLING PEOPLE WHO'S LEFT FOR PENNSYLVANIA AND WHO HASN'T!!!

Anyway, Alex and Kristin shared a loving (read: bitterly cold) goodbye as he said, "Guess it's the last time I'll see you." She replied with a "Yeah," which was followed by a few awkward words, awkward pauses, and an awkward hug. Get these two a room!!!

We then headed straight into Thanksgiving break where our favorite hooligan, Taylor, was having another one of his parties. Alex and Cory and all them came over, but without Kristin around, certainly scandal would go down! Sure enough, in walked Keagan, the trollop who allegedly seduced Alex in the season premiere. A vision in pink, Keagan attracted her fair share of suspicious stares, especially from Repete, who was the definition of googly eyes.

Well, with Keagan around, things became super awkward at the partay, despite nothing actually happening. I took this moment to reflect on Keagana -- she reminded me of someone. That's when I realized who it was: vintage Sally Struthers. I think it's fair to say that Keagan is the Gloria Stivic of a new generation.

If Keagan is Gloria, that makes Alex Meathead, which seems appropriate enough. The two left the party together (with one or two other people), and as we went to commercial, MTV played this year's "go-to-commercial" anthem: "Dirty Little Secret" from the All American Rejects. Seriously, we heard the tune just two weeks ago on Laguna Beach, and I believe it was on one episode of Cheyenne twice. ENOUGH.

The real reason Taylor's not on the team? No bangs.

After the break, we found Alex riding in Cory's car, talking about how happy he was to have hung out with someone besides Kristin for once. Usually, he and the old ball and chain don't go to parties, he noted, and if they do, the parties are "less involved in the fun department." Translation: he gets dragged along to Blair's house to watch Dirty Dancing every Friday. But last night was an awesome change of pace for Alex, and ultimately, he commented, "I'm just glad I came home with all my clothes on." Did he get down and dirty with Keaghan after all? That little Struthers-esque whore!

Anyway, even though it was Thanksgiving, the football team convened for a brief practice, and we learned that in the press, Oak Mountain had been talking all sorts of shit about Hoover, saying they weren't tough or anything. "It's personal now," Alex seethed. Yes, Coach Propst was going to spit in each and every Oak Mountain face!

As practice wound down, Coach Propst Blue Ribbon gathered 'round the boys and revealed that when it came to Thanksgiving, "It's probably my most favorite holiday." It's all of our most favorites, Coach. He then shocked us all with a touch of sentiment: "There's not one single person out here that I don't love," he said. Wow. Who knew he had the capacity to love? Just when we thought he was going all soft on us, however, he returned to the rage we know and love. He told the team that he didn't want to just beat Oak Mountain. He wanted to embarrass them. That's right: there would be a full team pants-ing at half-time. Be there or be square.

After practice, Alex headed home and rifled through the kitchen where his father sat with a crooked smile. It should be noted that Dad had a surprisingly normal chin, unlike the elongated Thomas Hayden Church mandible of his son. Anyway, dad wasn't very happy that his son had stayed out so late at Taylor's party. "Buddy, consider yourself grounded -- indefinitely," he said with hardly any conviction in his voice. Odds that Alex will be off the hook in twenty minutes: 1-1.