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Out on the football fields, we learned that practice would be very chill this week on account of Hoover going up against a weak team. As a result, we had a minimum of Propst barking, which meant there was more time to listen to Goose drone on about his greatest foe, Alex. The portly player chuckled passive-aggressively about how Alex could get out of anything with nary a punishment. Basically, this was Goose's way of expressing displeasure that Kristin had opted to return to Alex, even after those nasty rumors surfaced a few weeks ago about that other girl. Oh, Goose. Don't you realize? You're fat and bitter. And you're not the star of your own MTV reality show. Sorry. No cheerleader for you. Maybe Blair if you're really lucky, but I'm pretty sure Keebler Elves don't date out of their race.

Speaking of Blair, she was busy getting ready for the big Powder Puff game. This was exciting for her because she not only got to play a meaningless football game, but she like totally got to be kind of goth! "It's fun for the girls to wear all the intimidating black makeup and stuff!" she gushed as she applied literally only a hint of blackness to her eyes. Face it, Blair. You're a hidden Nine Inch Nails fan. Fast forward three months from now, and she'll be taking over as Rock Star Supernova's new lead singer. Funny story: rumor has it Lukas Rossi never wore makeup until his first Powder Puff game too.

To be fair, by the time the girls showed up at the game, they did have considerably more black makeup on their faces. They kind of all looked like rollergirls, to be honest. We then went to commercial, and when we returned, The Powder Puff Derby of 2005 was underway. Basically, it was just a quick montage of the seniors scoring over and over and over again. The juniors almost scored, but those tenacious older girls quickly vanquished the threat with a mighty takedown. Ouch!

By halftime, the seniors were up 27-0, and no surprise here, those junior bitches never even came close to mounting a comeback. The senior girls won handily, making Taylor a very proud coach. Consider your life peaked, young man!

With the Powder Puff out of the way, we could now focus on the upcoming football game at Hoover. There was once again strife on the field, and at the center of it was none other than Goose. Funny how trouble seems to follow him. He was the lucky recipient of Repete's trash talk, and Goose no like that. Repete razzed him for always ordering people around practice, causing Goose to tell us that he simply did not like Repete -- he was too talkative. Sadly, what our rotund football not-star didn't realize was that he was misinterpreting sincere displays of affection. According to Repete, his way of showing that he cares for someone is by talking trash to them, having them talk trash back, and then later, they both go out and laugh about it. With that clarified, Goose seemed to take it pretty well: "He needs to learn how to shut up." Okay, maybe not so much.

Elsewhere in practice, defensive coordinator Jeremy Pruitt barked at someone, saying, "You need to check it to them over yonder!" He then added, "And while you're checking it to them over yonder, can I ask you a question? Have you ever heard of something called 'asparagus'? Seriously, what IS that?"

Max, meanwhile, was once again faltering. It seems like we can't go an episode without him zoning out into a fog of apathy. His punishment this time was that he'd have to serve as the team's punter. Oooh, that burns! Coach Pruitt took great joy in this demotion, asking, "Did I embarrass you good? I hope I did because you're embarrassing the hell out of me!" Yeah, what with your crazy "asparagus" and whatnot!

...Previous page | Next Page...  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums Posted by B-Side on September 27, 2006 11:18 AM