Finally, homecoming was upon us, and that meant two things: big game and big dance! And, it goes without saying, big bangs hanging down on the forehead. Coach Propst Blue Ribbon told us that he absolutely hated homecoming week because of all the distractions and "fun" and "joyfulness." But mainly the distractions. Later, while Repete imitated the humorless coach in the lockerrooom, Propst went out ot the field and talked to a bunch of little kids as if he were a demi-god, surely savoring this moment of power and prestige. I have to admit, this scene with the Hoover Buc Pee-Wees was oddly charming, especially when Propst was ever so kind to note, "Everbody got a pretty jersey on!" You hear that, Bobby Jo? Coach Propst thinks our jerseys are pretty! Asparagus for all!

As game time approached, we learned that Max really would be the punter for the team. Apparently the normal guy was unavailable this week. Pruitt must have loved the extended humiliation for Max! Propst, meanwhile, had his own concerns -- namely, the state of socks on the Hoover Bucs. "If they ain't got no socks on, I may not let 'em dress! I may let 'em sit in the dressing room!" he snapped, thus bringing about the dreaded Sock Crackdown.

With the specter of illicit legging activity looming over the squad, Propst Blue Ribbon was left with no other choice but to sock it to the team, as it were, in the locker room. Yes, before anything had even happened, he was already pissed off, yelling at his boys in anticipation of feeling disappointed at the half.

"I got about seven of you in here ain't got your freakin' dead-gum SOCKS ON!!!" he yelled, revealing what might be a borderline OCD fixation on socks. I know football teams have strict codes about socks and uniforms and whatnot, but seriously, dude. Chill out!

Propst concluded his "motivational speech" by threatening that if the team didn't play well, "I'm gonna be real good and pissed off!" Um, as opposed to NOW?

After the commercial break, Hoover took the field, and for once, they weren't playing the Most Important Game of the Season that they Just Couldn't Lose against Their Biggest Rivals. They were merely going up against Pelham, but that didn't stop interception machine Ross from feeling anxious. Well, he needn't have felt nervous. Ross was just fine. In fact, the whole team was great. Things got off to a triumphant, sock-raising start as Bryan made a quick interception, leading to a score. If only a chandelier could have fallen for him! It would have been the perfect Bryan moment.

Hoover soon had another score on the board, bringing the tally to 14-0, and then the moment of doubt came: Max's first punt. And how did it go? Splendidly! A lovely punt! By the half, it was 21-0, and then it was time for that age-old tradition (that never actually existed in my high school): election of the Homecoming Queen. Nobody seemed more excited than Blair, who walked onto the field escorted by her Big Daddy. This was the moment she'd been waiting for all her life, it seemed. Her destiny, her calling, her... biggest disappointment EVER. That's right. Poor Blair failed to take home the crown. That went to skanky Kaitlyn Oliver instead. In your face, BLAIR!

As the girls all huddled around Kaitlyn, Blair told us that it was all okay because everyone was friends and everyone was happy for everyone and blah blah blah. Face it, Blair. You want to stab the bitch in the eye, don't you? Nevertheless, the girls all cooed insincere comments like "I'm so proud of yeeewww!!!" Translation: "I'm putting itching powder in your douche."