Hello Gasmii! The season finale of Ugly Betty does not disappoint, what with it's intrigue, interviews, job-stealing, love-child aborting/adopting, Henry-returning, sexoholic living in sinning, Betty-cheating, Justin-dreaming, career-ruining, hopes-crushing, Molly-watching, ghost-whispering, cover-modeling, bride-dying, mother-drinking, investor-meddling, co-editor snaking, features-editor-dying, pigeon-picturing, magazine award-winning, Matt-revenging, and private-investigating...phew! Let's begin!

Sweet Moses, I need to get a life!

We open with Suzuki telling us it's day 7 of Molly Watch, and I'm thinking New York has peaked. How awkward would it be to be leaving a hospital with a bunch of people cheering you on from your terminal disease? "Gimme a T! Gimme an E! Gimme an R,M,I!...Gimme an N - A - and an L! What does that spell? TERMINAL! Go Spartans!" Suzuki says Daniel, once a "man whore" has been transformed into a devoted husband. Of 7 days. "It's Prince Charming and soon-to-be-Sleeping Beauty," Suzuki says. Hey! That's my job!

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J'adorable Suzuki St. Pierre kicks off this episode of Ugly Betty with an update of the Meade Publications saga, calling Cal Hartley an "eccentric billionaire and my future sugar daddy." He continues saying, "Yes, the seemingly preposterous rumors are true...people are eating at Mode!" and we see Betty walk by the camera chowing on a huge chocolate doughnut. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I see nothing wrong with this
except that she's not sharing with me.

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We open this episode of Ugly Betty the way I normally start my day: darts into the picture of an evil female boss! Christina is taking out her aggression towards Wilhelmina and says she did consider throwing a dart at the real thing, "but she's so damn fast in those heels!" So am I, but only in comparison to my sensible-shoed co-workers.

Just another manic Monday. Or Willie has found a new way to get Botox.

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Previously on Ugly Betty, which was like decades ago, the Meades lost their money through embezzlement and not through gambling and hookers as expected, Papi almost died but now that storyline is dead, and Betty decided the threat of AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, the herp, and hairy genital warts was no match for her horniness for Richie Rich Sports Guy Matt. And again, I ask, where is Gio? Things were so much simpler when he was around.

We open this episode with Wilhelmina and Daniel slumming it like the rest of us do on the way to work via - ick! - public transportation. Oh, Willie, never wear patent leather on sidewalks, you'll only regret it. And Daniel gets his briefcase caught on the bus railing because he's a total and complete tard.

I Am Sam takes Manhattan!

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As we open this episode of Ugly Betty, Matt is walking Betty home from the subway, which HELLO Richie Rich, don't you have a town car that could drive you two to Queens? Matt tells Betty he has something pretty serious to say to her and he's not sure how to put it. Is he going to use the L-word! Say it ain't so. Betty tells him to just take a deep breath and say it.

Oh no! Look what happened to our Flonase bee!

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Wow! Hilda's really sporting a beer gut, isn't she? As we begin this week's Ugly Betty starring perennial favorite Christine Baranski, the Suarez family is at home with Sports Guy Matt, now know as Rich Sports Guy Matt, feasting on breakfast.

Do I show you sit ups or condoms? I'm not sure.

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I think many of us have those days where we try on everything on our closets and nothing looks good (and by "many of us" I mean women). That is why I use Garanimals. But can you imagine how difficult that must be for Ugly Betty? I mean, that poor girl has nothing but hideously heinous clothes to choose from. Every day must be that day for her!

Unbelievably, there are no words.

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Ugly Betty opens with Betty trying to get a picture of herself for her Facebook page. She can't seem to get a good one, go figure. She's trying to get it uploaded before her next YETI class (I'm over typing the periods between the letters), and I'm just wondering how this program is going for her. Seemed like a good idea at the time, now it just seems like that interpretive dance class you've signed up for and don't want to quit because dammit, you paid your $60. I'm just saying.

Yeah, unfortunately that IS your best side.

Betty tells Justin that Tina Brown is coming to speak at YETI and he wants her to sign his Diana Chronicles book. Hilda, in a moment of quick thinking, says they can sell it and pay for some decorating because some clients said her place looked raggedy. What do you expect from a salon built from a cross between a three-season porch and a carport?

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Hello Gasmii, sorry for the late recap, I have been busy procuring some employment and I had no idea how much a new job would cut into my recapping! Thanks for your patience, I recap much better when I can pay bills and you know, afford to eat.

This week, a new Meade joins the family!

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Gross! Ugly Betty begins with Elena pouring pomegranate seeds into a blender, mixing, and pouring into glasses. Wouldn't it be easier just to buy a bottle of POM? Probably cheaper in the long run, and definitely faster than pulling those damn seeds out of the fruit in the first place. Ugly Betty, why must you try my patience like this?

She must have realized what she was wearing.

Betty takes a swig and smiles, then immediately spits it out. I rarely do that with POM, especially if it's been mixed with vodka. Hilda starts saying she came up with the pomegranate idea first and she should be the one rich and living in Beverly Hills. Only if her idea was pomegranate condoms, not that she used them, right Justin?

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