Dear Crabby: If you could go back to high school, what would you change?
Dear Couch Ass Groove: First of all, I wouldn't if you paid me. Second, there would be some serious ass-kicking going on and you know who you are, Kelly B!
Private Betty, reporting for duty.
We open this Ugly Betty with a war scene, because apparently that's fashionable now? (and is the same idea Daniel pitched last season, the War issue which Wilhelmina changed to the Peace issue...). There are women dressed in bright red all over the battlefield, which really? Is that really the message you'd want to send these days? War? Oy, this magazine is going down faster than a 16 year old Catholic school girl.
War is so glamorous!
Claire just happens to stop the photo shoot for coffee, because nothing says Folgers like coffee cooked over an Army campfire. Betty says she's been meaning to talk to her but between doing the photo shoots "Daniel's way, then doing them Wilhelmina's way," she hasn't had time. Because that sounds like a cost effective way to run a business, pay for two photo shoots then choose the best. What are they, AIG?
Good to the last drop. Take a good look at the belt, it gets two scenes this episode.
Betty's concern is that Daniel hasn't discussed D.J. being gone. Who? Oh, yeah, his illegitimate nephew. Boorring. Betty turns around and says the same thing I did, "PUPPY!" Yes, it's a little white fur ball. Wilhelmina comes storming in with more puppies and kids in tow yelling, "What the hell is this?" What the hell indeed? Is that Dalmatian she's wearing? Ah, Cruella.
"Love is a Battlefield," Daniel says, "It's the center spread for our Valentine's issue." Ah, so it's less Iraqi-related and more Pat Benatar-related, which makes this hypothetical death montage much more palatable. Thanks, co-editor. Wilhelmina says she thought they were doing "Puppy Love", and suddenly I want to ask, "Who are you, and what have you done with the REAL Wilhelmina?"
People! I need someone to skin both these puppies AND children for a suit! Thank you!
Marc says the PETA people are up in arms about her coat and Wilhelmina says, "It's not real Dalmation, it's rare albino leopard." Ahhh, there she is, Wilhelmina in true form. Phew. She and Daniel get into what I can only imagine is their four thousandth argument of the day when Daniel puts his foot down about the shoot.
"Kill the puppies!" he says as everyone gasps.
"Did you hear that?" Wilhelmina yells, aiming at the phone still connected to PETA. "Daniel Meade kills puppies!"
"Wilhelmina Slater does not support our troops!" Daniel yells back. Oh, good one. I'm sure the PETA people give a crap. Maybe if he had said "K-9 troops" instead.
You got chocolate in my peanut butter!
You got peanut butter in my chocolate!
The two of them go at it like a couple of chicken coop hens, both yelling they are the editor-in-chief of the magazine when clearly they are co-editors. Reminds me of my yearbook days, except we actually all got along. Claire screams at the two of them that although she is not the editor-in-chief, "This is a disaster." The photo shoot has morphed into puppies in the army! There are soldiers holding puppies and children in gas masks and fashion models hoping they don't digest their saliva, all over the set. I would so cancel my subscription to this magazine.
Oh, great. The apocalypse has occurred and the kids survived! Damn!
"I'm bored," Amanda says to Betty, who clearly has no time for this what with the co-editor day care she's running and all. "This is a perfectly hideous outfit you're wearing but I've already made fun of it." I have too, Amanda. "There's something at your desk," she says, flitting her fingers in the direction of Betty's IKEA setup. And I love IKEA, I'm just saying it looks like the Meade Empire does too. And what is at Betty's desk?
Lindsay Lohan. People, once was enough. The Crab does not like tons of guest-starrage on her shows as that usually indicates a jumping of some kind of marine creature. And, the Crab has a particular distaste for La Lohan in that she's a talentless hack with no boundaries and crappy parents that completely contributed to her behavior which is a shame but shouldn't mean I have to see her face on the cover of every tabloid at the checkout line. Which is why I turn the tabloids face-down when I'm paying for them with my food stamps and/or good looks.
Crap. Is it sweeps week? Je deteste guest stars.
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Comments (3)
Dear Lindsay Lohan -
Please, for the love of all that is holy - cut your goddamn jacked-up hair!
Look, I know you don't know me, and that's cool, but sometimes it takes a stranger to tell you that your hair has gotten so long, so flat, and so busted that I'm about to nickname it "the Ronson."
Look at it this way, a trim might make you look slightly less meth-heady, and isn't that a plus for anyone?
All the best,
Carmelicious
1 of 3 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on October 29, 2008 2:53 PM
It was a great recap but the show is just spiraling down hill. I don't know what's wrong with it exactly. It's not moving to Lifetime or anything, right?
2 of 3 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on November 2, 2008 11:59 AM
I could do without anymore shots of Betty's ass in underwear or very tight costumes. America has the flattest ass I've ever seen. Not. A. Good. Look. At. All.
This show has officially jumped the shark.
3 of 3 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 3:36 PM