Dear Crabby: What is life?
Dear Couch: Tico, a.k.a. the Rambutan! No, really, check it on Wikipedia. AFTER your read my recap, the other TVgasm recaps, all the TVGasm news, and all of the TVGasm forum threads. TVGasm is life!
(thus ends my sucking up for the week)
Seriously, don't eat those, Ms. Size Not 4.
We open this episode of Ugly Betty with Betty leaving the elevator looking like Sesame Street threw up on her, telling her sister how she's not going to let Kimmie get to her. She gets cell phone service in the Mode elevator? Hilda, running around Casa Suarez with a hairdryer in her hand (lest we forget she has some sort of career) is telling Betty to remember that Kimmie used her to get ahead. I would second that motion.
When is the last time either of you had sex?
Betty and Hilda are clearly unhappy as they are both carbo-loading, Hilda with a bagel in her mouth, Betty with two powdered doughnuts clearly filled with no good. She should really pass them over to me. "We'll probably be so busy," Betty optimizes, "we'll never see each other," which in TVLand means they will be together every second of every day!
Betty rounds the corner to see Kimmie sitting in her chair (wouldn't they have given the Associate Editor an office?) getting her hair, nails, makeup, and cocaine cutting done for her. So...sanitary! And don't they have a room somewhere in the Mode offices, say, "Hair & Makeup Department," to do all that? Kimmie, you truly are that high school "bizzitch" we all hated.
"Kimmie?" Betty asks. Kimmie introduces her to her makeup trolls and the hair stylist turns to Betty with the blow dryer on and blows all the powdered sugar from the doughnuts all over Betty. Or it's Lindsay's cocaine. "And you are at my desk because?" a very irritated and almost hysterical Betty says.
Remember, America runs on cocaine!
"Oh, I'm just getting ready for my lunch with Talia from French Vogue. We're discussing our benefit to save the llamas," Kimmie says. Yes, because nothing says smart PR than doing a benefit with a competing magazine. I swear, Mode is so dumb sometimes. Also, if Betty is the Editor-in-Chief's assistant, wouldn't she kind of trump everyone in that office except, you know, the Editor-in-Chief? Seems like the hair and makeup trolls should be begging for forgiveness for getting her so messy and oh, yeah, get the hell outta there. I'm sort of disappointed Betty doesn't throw at least a little hell around the office. I would be so all up in everyone's business.
Betty and Kimmie see Daniel and both begin to chase him like Nanny Diaries kids begging for attention from their socialite parents. Kids, please! Daddy has a golf game. Kimmie's telling Daniel all about a Sundance PR thing they could do (FUN!) and Betty's trying to get Daniel's attention by discussing the plumber (YUCK!). Who would you want to talk to more? Although, no one wants to live with a backed up toilet.
Look, it's Ken and his sidekick pre-teen Skipper!
Daniel wants to discuss the Sundance sponsorship with Kimmie and asks Betty to get him some breakfast. Kimmie chimes in she's famished, mostly because she's emaciated and probably hasn't eaten in weeks, and Daniel orders Betty to get Kimmie food too. Oh, bitch, you must be kidding. This is where I sometimes get frustrated, that Betty and Daniel are actually good friends and she never has the cajones to sit him down and say, "Hey, Kimmie is a skank who treated me like crap and is continuing to do so because you let her and oh by the way, where is my promotion? Yeesh. Until then, she should totally spit in everything she gives Kimmie.
Please get someone else to help you
with your not-so-fresh feeling.
Betty drops off Kimmie's breakfast and tells her that if she needs anything else, she should, "Probably do it yourself," which is code for "Shove it all the way with a red-hot poker, bizzitch." Kimmie tries to put Betty in her place by showing her new business cards, "Kimberly Keegan, Associate Editor." Did I say bizzitch because I meant BIZZITCH TO THE TENTH POWER. "What's your card say?" Of course, Betty doesn't have any, which doesn't make sense since Daniel gave Betty a Tiffany business card holder during season one. If he gave her a business card holder for no business cards, he's a bigger dick than any of us knew. And again, Assistant to the Editor-in-Chief seems like it would necessitate business cards. At this point, Betty is starting to seem like a damn temp.
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Comments (5)
Another great recap. Another great episode.
Don't feel bad - I was also surprised by the reveal at the end - and I'm also excellent at catching that sort of thing. (In fact, I find myself reading your recap and wondering if I didn't really write under some split personality. Ever wonder why you and I never appear in the same place at the same time? Me neither! See!)
1 of 5 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 5, 2008 9:41 AM
DearCrabby -
Awesome recap!
You catch all the great details and I love you for it.
But I just have to ask you something: Did you not freak out when you saw Ralph Machhio (Daniel Larruso, Danielson, Karate Kid, etc..) as the Councilman - and he looked so good!!! I seriously let out a little yelp! I had some serious Karate Kid flashbacks, it was like falling in love with Daniel Larruso all over again..aaaaaaaahhh
(really stupid side note: I used to have a friend that was Kirk Cameron crazy, and I was totally Ralph Maccio crazy and our friendship actually ended when I told her that Danielson could kick Mike Seaver's ass any day with or with out Mr. Miagi!)
2 of 5 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on November 5, 2008 11:24 AM
OH MY GOD, Carmelicious, I didn't even catch that! Holy wax-on/wax-off! I heard on the radio the other day that he just turned 47 which made me feel soooo old (but not as old as he is, phew). I guess when it comes to Hilda I just try to endure the scenes - clearly I need to pay more attention to her unemployment and boneheaded ways. Thanks for catching!
3 of 5 | Posted by dearcrabby | Posted on November 5, 2008 11:39 AM
fire@will...I have too many personalities to keep up with! There would probably be a rip in the time-space continuum if we ever showed up at the same place and time...and it would look like Betty's blouses!
4 of 5 | Posted by dearcrabby | Posted on November 5, 2008 11:42 AM
Thanks for the recap. This is great and entertaining as always (not the episode, mind you... I meant your recap)
5 of 5 | Posted by Beatrice B | Posted on November 5, 2008 2:16 PM