Dear Crabby: What is the one kind of guy every girl has to get over at least once in her life?
Dear Couch: Sensitive new-age rocker-wannabe guy with guitar. Trust me, one day you'll have given your personal chef the night off and rocker wannabe will be the pizza delivery guy. But, you know, "The band is sure to take off any day!"
We open this Ugly Betty with Betty pacing in her apartment at just past six in the morning. Betty, the only thing you should be doing that early is shoveling in some oatmeal and wondering how you can call in sick for a fourth Friday in a row without it looking "suspicious." She looks outside and sees oh ho-hum, Jesse. Meh. He's kind of boring. Where's Gio for God's sake? He always adds some spice, like grainy mustard.
The same thing happens when you
let kids dress themselves. Chaos!
Betty runs out the door and "bumps into" Jesse just as he is getting back from work. He made $34 in tips and "the cook spit on me." Rachel Ray is such a bitch, isn't she? But let's focus on the $34. Where the hell is this guy working that in New York he only made $34 in tips? Even at Starbucks he'd bring in more, wouldn't he? Maybe he deserved the spit.
Betty gives Jesse the extra cup of coffee the coffee shop guy just happened to give her - decaf, what Jesse needs because "I know you have to sleep in the morning...I mean he knows." Ah, Betty, smooth as I'm sure your stubbly legs are. Jesse gives her a CD of his band's new songs that are either really good or totally suck. I'm guessing the latter. He dimples her and asks if they fixed the TV in the laundry room. Betty has a TV and offers her to watch while he washes his shorts. Soon they will be co-mingling undies, a good combo of granny panties and underoos.
Heeee, heee, heee, heee, I hope Gloria Steinem isn't watching, heee
Of course, Betty shows up to Mode before any models have had the chance to barf up last night's water, which would be much easier for them if they saw what she was wearing. She is freaked to find Amanda running around the office naked. You know, that doesn't sound like it would be as uncommon as Betty makes it out to be. I bet Amanda is naked a lot at work. Betty points out Amanda's nakedness and Amanda says, "And you're wearing a hideous ensemble but I'm not about pointing out the obvious." Yes, leave that to the recapper. Betty, your outfit is hideous! And consider a flat iron!
Yep, pretty much business as usual for Amanda.
Turns out Amanda got "a little evicted," just like when I'm sure she's going to show up "a little pregnant." Security is letting her stay at the office for a little peek at her goodies (and probably more). Why doesn't she just hide in the secret sex room Faye left behind? I bet Faye had a TV and fridge in there.
Yeah, I'm going to need your boobies to talk to my hand.
Betty's at her desk singing horribly at the top of her lungs to what I can only imagine is Jesse's new music. It would have been cool if it had been a Hanson cover song. Also, she's terrible. Betty, if you ever want a title on your card besides karaoke reject, please, please, please for the love of all that is good and holy, have some respect for the people who work around you and hush your mush!
What the bloody hell was that?
Daniel comes up behind her and gives her the Amercian Idol heave ho. She tells Daniel it's Jesse's tune and Daniel says, "What ever happened to the 'No romantic entanglements' rule?" He's got you on that one, Jesse's Wannabe Girl. Betty tells him to shut it, he's just a friend, and now oh-my-gosh guess what, the upcoming Mode party does not have a band. I never thought I'd quote Barney, but is two plus two going to be four?
Either you farted, or your voice sucks.
At this point, it's a toss-up.
"Ohhhh," Betty croons, "Looks like Connor's here." Amen to that! I love the fact he comes walking in with a big box of what can only be described as bear claws with colored icing. Just what skinny fashion people want! Caloric intake! I love the slow-mo action they use when he walks and how all the women check out his ass when he passes. Mmm-mmm-good.
Doughnuts or Connor's...can't I have both?
At the same time?
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Comments (2)
omg, I don't watch this show, but I LOVE the intro you wrote for it. Because I totally went through a phase of dating (and getting dumped by) sensitive-rocker-wannabe-guitar guy!
Sigh.
Anyway, that just really made me laugh out loud. xoxo
1 of 2 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on November 13, 2008 2:49 PM
MandaMo - thanks for reading. I went through that phase too (college band, sigh) but he wouldn't dump his girlfriend for me, wahhh!Of course, he was the bass player, so what kind of dork was I? :)
2 of 2 | Posted by dearcrabby | Posted on November 14, 2008 9:36 AM