Dear Crabby: What one accessory does every girl need to have?
-Couch Ass Groove
Dear Couch: A Red-Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time. Ha! Just kidding. A semi-automatic with armor-piercing bullets, you know, for hunting.*
*Hey folks - just as an FYI, I am not a gun fan overall although I did get the chance to shoot an M-14 during ROTC day when I was in grad school. No, they would not let me sign it out over Thanksgiving, either, lousy bastards. And shout out to my dad who is currently hunting - I kind of root for Bambi to escape, but damn, do my dogs love the venison. So conflicted!
Speaking of hunting, that skull looks like a great target!
We open this episode of Ugly Betty wondering if they should change the title to Fugly Betty because Christ Almighty, that is by far the worse things she's ever worn and we've seen her in vinyl shorts (first season, first episode, I'm thinking?). Betty is discussing the new cover of Mode, "Eye of the Fashion Storm," when roomie Amanda says to Betty that she looks like someone who would be good at science (code for "nerdy") and asks why do tornados always hit shanty towns and trailer parks. "Does God hate poor people?" Yes, Amanda, he does, but his son just loved hanging out with them, so it all evened out.
Betty's ensemble, we find out, is courtesy of Amanda's "hefty years," and one would wonder why she kept those nasty things around once she dumped the weight. Amanda calls Betty a "plus-size princess" but even Amanda couldn't have pulled off the pink skull shirt, crazy patterned skirt conflicting with patterned jacket, beads galore, gloves (WTF?), and crazy hat. Betty is bemoaning the fact she can't go on the editor retreat with all the super-fun editors. Betty, dress for the job you want, not for the one you are going to have after the apocalypse when you are pushing around a grocery cart and hoping "they" don't read your mind.
Back at the office, Betty tells Daniel that the latest "Stormy" issue of Mode is running a little late and he'll have to push back his approval before it goes out. Word to the wise if anyone is interested in publishing of any kind...approve the first copy before they print millions of them. Doyee. No wonder they lose money. Daniel's undies are in a bunch because he wanted to ride up to the retreat with his boyfriend, Connor. "That was supposed to be the fun car." Isn't that what Robert Downey Jr. said in Ironman right before his Humvee got blown to bits and he started wearing a car battery as a pacemaker?
Betty offers to approve the issue. Nothing can go wrong with this plan. It's fool-proof! Betty says she wants to be helpful but I'm thinking perhaps she ought to start with cleaning his office or filing his latest black book list in the vault or something. Daniel reluctantly says okay because the fun car, is, after all, fun. These two really do deserve each other.
Wilhelmina arrives on the Mode floor from the elevator and tries to shut the doors before Connor greets her, however all I can focus on is Wild Kingdom behind her. Did anyone else see that hyena or whatever chasing down prey? They do have some weird shit on the TV in the elevator, if you've ever noticed.
Awkward, since she's wearing what's left
of the animal on the screen behind her.
Willie tells Connor she does not plan on attending the offsite bond-o-rama and I have to agree with her here. We did one of these when I was in grad school and the day we spent offsite was indicative that the team we had been placed into was going to hell, which it did when one of the team members plagiarized off of the professor we were turning a paper into. We caught it in time, but we should have hunted that guy for sport instead of trying to walk on stilts together is what I'm saying. Now that's teamwork!
Conner gets on his knees, kisses her hand, calls her a queen, then tells her to suck it up because this is the price of leadership. She should hunt him for sport! God he's such a tease.
Connor, call me, I moisturize!
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