"Be-yotch," Justin says. Hilda and Papi stare at him. "What? You know you guys were thinking it." They so totally were, too. They decide to throw her a party - including a piñata! Dios mio, I hope it's of Charlie's head. Interestingly enough, they forget to invite the birthday girl herself. It never occurs to them that she might have Plans C, D, and E for the evening.
Gio walks up to the reception desk with a piece of cake and a birthday candle in it. Isn't Betty at dinner, so it would probably be close to dinner time? How late do these people work? And why would Gio bring her a cake now? Just let it go, Crabby.
Amanda tells Gio this reminds her of a "funny story" about Betty. Henry called earlier and is "blowing Betty off" for their date that evening. Gio asks if she gave Betty the message. "I'm a receiver, not a giver," and you just know there's a "wide receiver" joke in there somewhere, but it ain't for the kids.
Back at Willie's House of Mayhem and Mischief, Renee is fondling a sculpture of a man and woman embracing. Wilhelmina asks if Renee made it (she does have a point) and Renee says it's a gift from Daniel. Guys, word to the wise: jewelry or a gift card to Macy's. No sculptures, figurines, Hummels or gnomes. Thanks.
Hope it came with a gift receipt
"You're not going to ruin this relationship," she says. Don't worry, Daniel will. "Not unless you want your own dirty laundry out in the open." Well, at least it would be La Perla. "I know about Bradford's baby and your plan to get your claws into the Meade fortune. I know all of it."
"You know nothing."
Renee turns on her phone and listens intently to drunky-mcdrunkster Marc gushing forth all the secret plans. No bonus for him this year.
"What did you say phone? I win this round?"
"Last time I checked, sperm stealing was illegal." Really Renee? You checked on sperm stealing? Recently? In the criminal code of New York? At what point do you Google "Legality of sperm stealing." Actually, that probably is on the Wik somewhere. "This is all Daniel is going to need to go straight to the public." Yes, that's what I'd want to do. Tell the country about my dead daddy's donation in making a posthumous baby. Freakshow! "Unless..."
"Unless what?" Wilhelmina asks.
"Unless you leave me and Daniel alone. Let me have what I want and you can have what you want." That sounds like a pretty fair trade. And if Willie gets 1/3 of the Meade fortune and Renee gets ½ of 1/3 of the fortune via Daniel, well, that's a big fraction of the Meade empire, if you'll pardon the oxymoron. Which is Daniel. In fact, if 3rd grade math has not failed me, that's close to half the Meade fortune. These gals are good!
"You really want to do this?" Wilhelmina asks.
"Oh yeah," she says, as she leaves to have a slumber party with Daniel.
Hot, bubbly cheese is being stirred. Turn down the Sterno, Betty. Faux Frenchy comes back and starts explaining that it's been awhile, it's Friday, they are very booked, etc. This sort of ticked me off but then again, have them pack up the damn cheese, rent a DVD and make a night of it! He does offer her a doggie bag for the cheese, which should make for a fun ride home on the subway.
Worst handbag ever
Poor Betty leaves with a Ziploc of hot cheese that probably cost her $75. She saunters across the street when a carriage drives by and Gio yells "Betty!" She walks over. "Henry left a message with Amanda and he can't make it tonight." He hands her the message. She's pissed and devastated at the same time.
"I'm not trying to take his place (except I am!), but when I heard you were on your own (alone and wanting some fireworks), I remembered my cousin drives these things for tourists (as opposed to for the military) and I thought 'she deserves to have a little fun' (sex). What do you say?"
Her face says she smells manure. She really doesn't want to go. I mean, when your birthday starts with a romantic weekend with your lover and ends 12 hours later with a baggie full of steamin' cheese, well you just want to call it a day. But he convinces her to take a quick ride around the block. Well worth saddling up the horse, buddy.
That is so not Teen Spirit I smell
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Comments (5)
Miss V.--I mean, DearCrabby--loved your Ugly Betty "Worst Birthday" recap., esp. George Clooney/IKEA,Three Foot High Club, afford the rights to Disney, and Way to go Writers' Strike.
And for the ones that would make an English teacher smile: big fraction=oxymoron, baby guru or guru who is a baby. And I love it that you know how to use subjunctive mood.
Finally, 1) all fragments in this comment are on purpose 2) yes, it's a good time to be silver.
1 of 5 | Posted by Clytemnestra | Posted on May 3, 2008 2:08 PM
Miss V.--I mean, DearCrabby--loved your Ugly Betty "Worst Birthday" recap., esp. George Clooney/IKEA,Three Foot High Club, afford the rights to Disney, and Way to go Writers' Strike. And for the ones that would make an English teacher smile: big fraction=oxymoron, baby guru or guru who is a baby. And I love it that you know how to use subjunctive mood. Finally, 1) all fragments in this comment are on purpose 2) yes, it's a good time to be silver.
2 of 5 | Posted by Clytemnestra | Posted on May 3, 2008 2:10 PM
Miss V.--I mean, DearCrabby--loved your Ugly Betty "Worst Birthday" recap., esp. George Clooney/IKEA,Three Foot High Club, afford the rights to Disney, and Way to go Writers' Strike. And for the ones that would make an English teacher smile: big fraction=oxymoron, baby guru or guru who is a baby. And I love it that you know how to use subjunctive mood. Finally, 1) all fragments in this comment are on purpose 2) yes, it's a good time to be silver.
3 of 5 | Posted by Clytemnestra | Posted on May 3, 2008 2:19 PM
Oy, I've out-dorked Betty and Henry by posting the same comment 3 times. I know--LOSER!Penance will be served by wearing a headband and ignoring my tweezers.
4 of 5 | Posted by Clytemnestra | Posted on May 3, 2008 2:41 PM
Ha! Thanks Clytemnestra, glad my English teacher is proud :) I honed my skills in her class...too bad she wouldn't let me use them when I was writing captions for the yearbook, ahem.
5 of 5 | Posted by Dear Crabby | Posted on May 6, 2008 9:25 AM