You are totally thinking about giving me
a purple nurple, aren't you?
Betty's great idea is that she and Christina sneak upstairs with the baby because everyone knows babies are very, very quiet, particularly when you actually need them to be. Hilda's all like "OH HELL TO THE NO" are you staying here, and Archie hears them through the cheap walls of the salon. To keep things calm, she distracts Archie and the TV people, finally getting them out of the house. Betty and Christina Keystone Cop their way between the living room and stairs, and just as they begin to go up, there's Papi!
"You have something you'd like to tell me, mija?" Papi says. Uh. Yes. I'm a lesbian with Christina and this is our baby that she had with her husband who has a mysterious illness and we're hiding it from the faux mama and I don't think I actually have a job anymore since I'm always here instead of at work.
I'm as disappointed in you as I am in the wallpaper.
Christina's on the phone with Stuart, saying they've had "a bit of a detour." Yeah, they really planned this one out, didn't they? Papi pulls out the Catholic and tells Betty that kidnapping is like "ten thousand Hail Marys." Geez, it's not like she denied the Holocaust or told Africans that condoms won't help prevent AIDS. She's not a Nazi for Christ's sake.
Hilda comes storming in and she says, "You know when you asked where you should draw the line in helping a friend? You just crossed it!" Do those sentences really work together? Betty tells her they had no other options. Except maybe not kidnapping, getting out of the car and reporting Christina to the police, not bringing her to your family's home to involve them, etc., etc., etc. ad naseum.
Hilda is pissed because Archie's campaign is "on the line" and Betty's all like, "What was I going to do?" Uh, read my previous paragraph? "I couldn't just turn my back on her!" Actually, you are allowed to turn your back on friends when they do something illegal. There's a clause in the contract that allows that.
"Betty, she didn't just jump a subway turnstile, this is KIDNAPPING!" Oh Betty, how could someone so nerdy be so damn stupid? "She thinks that baby is hers and I believe her," Betty says. Oh! In that case, no problem! She was right to do what she did, you know, instead of get an attorney and request another DNA test. Nevermind. Let's get back to the omelet bar, I'm hungry!
Papi asks Betty what they could do about this now and Betty suggests getting another DNA test. "Oh, sure," Hilda snots, "Let's just drop by the DNA pagada at the mall." I actually really like Hilda in this episode, she's the voice of reason, which is so, very, unnerving.
"Okay, Hilda, I get it. We need help," Betty snots back. "Yeah, but who's going to help a fugitive?" Oh my God, call Claire!
Back at Mode the phone rings and Amanda gets it. It's Betty calling for Claire, and Marc jumps on the phone as Betty says, "Mrs. Meade, I really need your help." Amen.
Claire meets Betty in front of some pagoda at the mall - no, I think it's an actual health facility. She tells Betty that Betty did the right thing by calling her. The plastic surgeon she recommended could totally fix Betty up so she's at least average-looking. Oh, and he can perform really quick DNA tests too. "And once we prove this baby isn't Wilhelmina's, we'll finally be able to get rid of that bitch."
The student has become the master. Well done, Betty!
Cheese it! It's the fuzz! They come flying out of nowhere like monkeys. They grab the baby, arrest Betty, Christina, Stuart, and pull out Claire's monogrammed set to cuff her.
The takedown! Tasteful, subtle, and classic.
Betty is trying to explain to the police officer that they were just trying to help resolve the case, and the officer is like, listen, Fugly, you are free to go, nice lawyering-up, now get outta my face before I punch ya! Claire grabs Betty and the walk over to Daniel who says that Willie has agreed to drop the charges against Betty and Claire, but not Christina.
Daniel tries to remind Betty that Christina kidnapped Willie's baby and Betty says, "But Christina thinks it's her baby and I believe her." Now Betty's starting to sound a little crazy, don't you think? "Can't you talk to Wilhelmina?" Claire nods at Daniel like he'd better do it or no figgy pudding later.
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Comments (2)
Great recap! I missed some of the details while watching.
BTW - Heard any rumors about Rebecca coming back? They never mention her character on the show. How about Salma? Either one would be a plus.
1 of 2 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on May 12, 2009 9:14 AM
Rebecca just filmed a pilot for ABC called Eastwick, so if it takes off probably not (bummer!). IMDB is showing Salma has a lot of projects going right now, so who knows! Henry's coming back so anything is possible - now if we can just get Gio back!
2 of 2 | Posted by dearcrabby | Posted on May 17, 2009 3:26 PM