Previously on Ugly Betty, which was like decades ago, the Meades lost their money through embezzlement and not through gambling and hookers as expected, Papi almost died but now that storyline is dead, and Betty decided the threat of AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, the herp, and hairy genital warts was no match for her horniness for Richie Rich Sports Guy Matt. And again, I ask, where is Gio? Things were so much simpler when he was around.
We open this episode with Wilhelmina and Daniel slumming it like the rest of us do on the way to work via - ick! - public transportation. Oh, Willie, never wear patent leather on sidewalks, you'll only regret it. And Daniel gets his briefcase caught on the bus railing because he's a total and complete tard.
I Am Sam takes Manhattan!
But wait! Who is getting out of a limo but one Betty Suarez! Courtesy of once-cute but now really gross Matt. Damn. WHERE IS GIO??? WHERE? Matt tells her he's not really a "limo kind of guy," except he is if there are naked chicks in the back, but he thought it would be fun because you know, "it's Tuesday." Betty tells him to stop pampering her because she feels guilty. Not half as guilty as you are going to feel when you lie to Papi about your feminine itching, chica.
"There goes hot air balloon Wednesday," Matt says. Did he mean hot air blue balls Wednesday? He even considers "Submarine Thursday," which I believe he means as "hide the submarine Thursday." People, please, he's a sex addict and I absolutely am not going to let this go.
Let's never let what goes on at work come between us.
Betty enters the Mode offices just as the fun TV screen behind her goes to those colored bars you see on late night TV when you think you are watching an infomercial on rainbows but you are really just stoned. Movers are taking all of the really important Mode work items like big screen TVs, chairs, and bright red busts with half-heads (you can totally find those at any office supply store).
Marc tells Betty that the sex issue was a "limp noodle" like Matt totally isn't, and they've "cut the budget to the bone." Please tell me how taking their chairs and mannequins are going to help that, unless they are giving them to Clean House to sell. Amanda says that anything leased or "non-essential" has got to go. First of all, why would you lease chairs and mannequins, and second of all, Amanda better hide the rest of the afternoon.
A guy in a dark coat comes by asking for Betty and Marc wants to know if they need any help "loading her onto the truck." Yes, they will. Instead, he is carrying a briefcase and asks for her I.D., a thumb print, her first born and rights to Sisterhood of the Traveling to the Floor of My Boyfriend's Apartment Pants, then tells her that the "Calvin Hartley Charitable Foundation" thanks her blabbedy blah blah.
It's like Logan's Run, only in 2009.
Daniel overhears and gets as excited as a kid on Christmas because he thinks the suitcase delivery is for him. He opens the briefcase and pulls out a pretty tacky green marble-y looking thing that opens and reveals an egg. The foundation runs an Easter egg hunt (note to TV execs, Easter was weeks ago) that is very exclusive (aren't they all?) and Daniel is all excited about being invited.
It's not the Holy freakin' Grail, it's a tacky box from 1985.
The egg opens and it's for Betty. Because Cal Hartley is Matt's dad, and he wants his potential daughter-in-law/housekeeper to join them for some Christian fun. Daniel is devastated. Justin, however, is not - he's on the phone and in the background Papi is screaming "Why do you need my fingerprint?" Seems as if the entire Suarez Casa has been invited. No worries, I'm sure Hilda is Keepin' it Klassy.
Over at Willie's house of messy kids, she's having her picture taken by that irritating photographer who did the sex issue. If the issue sucked, maybe it was because of him. Do you really want your kid subjected to that? No, go to Olan Mills like the rest of us did, and get a picture with that wagon wheel. Do it!
Watchu talkin' about Miles?
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Comments (1)
Nice recap! Just a nerd accounting note: When companies don't have enough money to cover all their debts, they can file Chapter 11. In Mode's case, where there is no money (Daniel and Willi are using their own cash), they would have to file Chapter 7, which is basically liquidating the company and closing the doors. Anyway, back to Ugly Bettyville, where the real world rules don't apply.
1 of 1 | Posted by kczar | Posted on May 10, 2009 6:23 AM