After they've finished off the contents of the plate, the blue team's token leprechaun, Dave Kaplan, is nice enough to break the news to them that they've just consumed the combined liquid waste product of four blue team members. What the hell kind of fresh fruit are they used to eating? Did they not notice the two inches of golden "juice" on the bottom of the container, not to mention the pervasive odor, and I would assume taste, of urine?
Bizarrely, Ryan Bader and Kyle Kingsbury take the news pretty calmly, even laughing it off.
Kiss me now, fool.
On the other hand, Fainter Phillipe is refreshingly upset about the urine in his food. Personally, if I found out that I had unknowingly partaken of a mixture of Marilyn's, Small Ball's, Tom Lawlor's, and Shane Nelson's piss, I would be chugging Drano.
In this group, you have to admire a guy who knows enough to use a toilet to deposit his bodily waste, regardless of the orifice it's flying from.
On a more romantic note, I would like to acknowledge the couple of the week.
Maybe Hugger John can housebreak him.
We leave the red team, with Fainter Phillipe still puking and spitting, to go to the blue team's training session. Dave Kaplan is now sporting a dyed blond Mohawk that closely resembles a roadkill carcass lovingly glued to his scalp. He shares that he was a Divison I wrestler and lived in Holland to train in thai boxing.
Frankie seems to have formed an unusual attachment for Dave, possibly rebounding off last weeks tryst with Small Balls. He shares that at this point in the show you start getting attached to different guys, seemingly a new one each week depending on who's fighting.
Personally, I'm having a little trouble understanding the attraction.
But, enough of the blue team's relationships. Back at the house, Fainter Phillipe has realized that his sushi has gone missing and he's ticked off. First the urine and now missing fish, what's a guy gonna do? Hugger John explains that nine out of ten times someone steals Phillipe's sushi. What's more, this disgraceful behavior has been going on long before the fruit salad fiasco. Well, the red team has had enough. Enough, I tell you. They're not going to let those blue team bastards get away with stealing fish and tricking them into imbibing pee. But, what to do? How can they possibly top the urine debacle? Being men of sound principles they come up with an ingenious plan. Instead of urinating on the sushi, they are going to "spunk" on it. Please, God, don't let spunk mean masturbate. Oh, silly me, in times of strife, masturbation is clearly the way to go. Fainter Phillipe enthusiastically says, that "this is going to be fun." And, I'm thinking, so are they going to film a circle jerk? Is nothing sacred on this show? Or, has living in the house curtailed their normal activities of self-gratification so much that they're this desperate for a chance to flog their respective logs?
Regretfully, the editors take us away from the developing masturbatory storyline to bring us to another blue team training session.
Well, sort of a training session.
The majority of the blue team sits on the floor chatting, while Marilyn rolls with David Kaplan on the mat. Marilyn tells us that he mostly trains by himself, because the other blue team members aren't really into training hard. David then submits Marilyn. And, being a dedicated professional, Marilyn freaks out, storms off, throws a box and punches the soda machine.
What does "Coach" Frankie do when Marilyn acts like a teenage girl dealing with her first bout of PMS? Absolutely nothing. He tells us in his usual self-congratulatory tone that when he sees Marilyn acting that way he just keeps his distance. I think that's a great strategy for somebody who's just another fighter on the team and has no authority whatsoever. I can even understanding giving Marilyn a moment to gather himself, before tossing him the fuck out of the gym for unacceptable behavior.
Found next to Wuss in Websters.
While "Coach" Frankie does absolutely nothing, the red team is in the throws of delight over the special sauce that Kyle promises to produce. Upon careful consideration, Fainter Phillipe chooses the California roll as the item to be spiked with spunk. Yes, I enjoyed writing that. The reasoning for his choice is simple, the California role "at least has white stuff."
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Comments (11)
First let me say great recap. You make all of this entertaining.
Because the show was not.
This is what this show has come to? Really?
They get paid to show this on TV?
1 of 11 | Posted by bmcl | Posted on November 7, 2008 3:09 PM
This was easily the most disgusting episode ever! The worst was the balut (which I confirmed with my Filipino friend is a great delicacy). Bleeeccchhhh!
The fight was great though. I knew Phillipe would win - Kaplan seems to be a lot of hot air just like Junie. And how hypocritical was it of old Marilyn to point out that Dave is all talk??
I loved the confused expression on Frankie's face when Phillipe won.....HA! Take that "coach"! :)
2 of 11 | Posted by Wild Heart | Posted on November 7, 2008 3:50 PM
I might be in the minority here, but I thought the urine in the fruit was hilarious. But after watching this episode late, I have come to the conclusion that neither team ate any contaminated food. The production probably switched out the food while no one else was there. My biggest reason for believing this is the fact that urine has a very noticeable smell and Phillipe as a nurse should have been able to detect that. And the level of piss was so obvious, that one of them HAD to have noticed it.
3 of 11 | Posted by FreewayShatk | Posted on November 7, 2008 8:50 PM
Wild Heart I completely agree with you--the most DISGUSTING episode ever. And I loved "Coach" Frankie's expression, as well.
FreewayShark my husband thought the marinated fruit was hilarious too!! I think it might be a guy thing to be more tolerant around that stuff : ) But eeeewwwwww!!!!! I wonder if you're right about the producer's switching the fruit. That would explain a lot. Also, I can't help wondering if there couldn't be some sort of liability involved?
Anyway, Yenta it was a great recap. GO RED TEAM!!
4 of 11 | Posted by rosesarered | Posted on November 9, 2008 8:13 AM
I don't even watch this show, but with that intro I had to read the recap!!
I have to agree with previous posters who said they thought the producers switched it. When reading the recap, I kept thinking "I can't believe they are letting them eat that!" On other shows when people have done something like clean the toilet with someone's toothbrushes, there has always been some sort of intervention. I can't believe the same wouldn't happen here. After all, what if one of the eaters got hepatitis from the urine? There would be lawsuits a-plenty! I'm sure all of the folks were tested before coming on the show, but still.
5 of 11 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 9, 2008 1:52 PM
This was perhaps the worst episode ever. I did enjoy seeing long persecuted (and incredibly stoic) Phillipe win the fight over yet another crude blowhard.
I hadn't thought of it, but I hope you guys are right about the food switching.
More than any other, this episode made me glad I hadn't talked a non-UFC fan into watching. So many bad examples to choose from. (And a few good ones).
A agree with your picks - Bader and Phillipe. They are certainly in the hunt to win it... and they set good examples as well.
6 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 9, 2008 10:03 PM
Oh! I almost forgot! Thanks for the screencaps of the ring girl!
7 of 11 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 9, 2008 10:04 PM
Hi Folks:
I have to say that I'm excited about the next couple of weeks. The fight matchups at least promise to be interesting.
Bmcl: I agree the shows a big leap from anything else I've seen on TV. It even sets a new low for reality TV. Yikes!!
Wild Heart: OMG the balut. Wow, talk about an eclectic palate!! I'm hoping that "Coach" Franke's expression of amazement stays on his face over the next couple of episodes.
FreewayShark: I have to admit that even though I was horrified and would think twice about having him in my house, I was giggling over Tom Lawlor peeing in the fruit tray. My hubby was actually more disgusted than I was. I must be getting desensitized watching this show.
After thinking it over, I have to wonder if you aren't right about the producers intervening--Clever fellow
Rosesarered: Let's keep our fingers, toes, and challah crossed for the red team : )
Fire@will: From reading some of the fighter's blogs I gather that next week is going to be even worse, so you may want to wait another week before introducing your friend to this trainwreck. Oy Veh!!
Thanks so much for posting. After a particularly yucky weekend, it was so nice to read your comments : )
Hugs,
Yenta
Snootchy Bootches: Thanks for reading and posting
8 of 11 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on November 10, 2008 6:46 AM
"The production probably switched out the food while no one else was there."
My boyfriend said the same thing and I agree. He also thinks that the fighters made too much of a show out of how "delicious" the fruit was, so they may have been in on the switch and were just told to play it up. There's no way they would let anyone unknowingly consume the bodily fluids of another person. Like Snootchy Bootches said, that's a lawsuit waiting to happen.
9 of 11 | Posted by Wild Heart | Posted on November 10, 2008 12:52 PM
People! It's called Suspension of Disbelief. If you are going to "enjoy" - and I use that term in it's most liberal sense - this show you have to be able to stop thinking about what is plausible. If the show tells us that the guys ate wee and man juice, then they ate wee and man juice.
Gross.
10 of 11 | Posted by Hey Buddy | Posted on November 11, 2008 8:11 AM
Awww, come on, what's a little man-juice? I can't believe these big, tough guys are so freaked out by something that the ladies (and some of us fellas) have to ingest every other day (or every day if I'm having a particularly good week). Of course, they're not gay, so I'm sure that in their minds "ingesting jizz = major homosexualness" but personally I think as far as sexual deviants go, the piss-drinking crowd are a tad worse (not to mention unfuckingkissable). Too funny!
Sorry I've been incommunicado Yenta, but I was in Vegas being forced to watch the likes of ring-girl "dance" (which mostly involved a lot of walking back and forth, ass-shaking and touching/flipping her hair)... so sad.
Great recap!
love, J-Mo :)
11 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on November 11, 2008 12:04 PM