Hey Gasmii,
Welcome to Ultimate Fighter, the ultimate in crazy bitch slapping reality shows. And when I say crazy I don't mean talking to yourself on the bus kind of crazy. I mean stabbing people with screwdrivers because you don't like their pet gerbil kind of crazy, and then keeping the gerbil in your freezer, sort of like a gerbsicle souvenirs. So, yeah, these bitches are crayazee and really, really stupid. It's the show that is guaranteed to boost anybody's inferiority complex, no matter how severe, because if you're sitting safely in your living room and you have the brainpower to work a remote, there's a good chance that you're a cut above these morons.
"I belong with Napoleon, Alexander or Hitler. Put me back in the day pillaging shit. That's where I belong...I'm a straight up criminal."
For more of these delightful gentlemen, join me after the jump, but first take a really, really stiff drink...
For those of you that have missed the last seven seasons of Ultimate Fighter, it's a pretty simple formula. We start with two coaches who are already established fighters and a bunch of 'wanna be contendah' guys who are competing for a UFC six figure contract. The two coaches are already scheduled to fight each other in some landmark bout at the end of the series. Each coach will have a team that they choose out of the pool of fighters and they compete to see who's the better coach. This of course increases the animosity between them and draws more viewers to their already scheduled fight.
Our coaches:
Frank Mir:
"Submission Specialist"
Frank is coming back from a minor setback where he was hit by a car, thrown 100 feet into the air breaking his femur and tearing all of the connective tissue in his leg. Previous to this distressing incident, Frankie held the heavyweight title, but when he was unable to drag his hospital bed, not to mention all of the tubes and traction equipment, into the ring to fight he was stripped of the title.
Antonio Nogueria:
One more person who gets offended by the Geico commercials.
"I'm just saying..."
Antonio Nogueria is the current holder of the heavyweight title and goes by the nickname "Minotaur", but I think I'll just go with Mini. Mini has had his own share of auto accidents. At age 10, he was apparently run over by a truck, which actually explains a number of things.
Up until last season, the show started with the coaches choosing their teams of 16 fighters all of whom knew that they had a place in the training house and a shot at the ultimate prize--a six-figure UFC contract. But last season, the big daddy of the UFC, Dana White, decided that this approach was letting too many "pussies" into the house. Dana White is a lot like Daddy Tom on Top Chef, if Daddy Tom had absolutely no class and had been dropped on his head as an infant, or run over by a truck.
I may not be handsome or smart, but I make a lot of money exploiting developmentally disabled anti-social personalities.
Either way, Big Daddy Dana, or just Big Daddy, decided that the show should start with 32 fighters. These guys are paired up for a series of quickie fights in the octagon. The winner goes into the training house and the loser goes back to his loser, drunken, existence. While these fights are going on, the 'contendahs' are being "evaluated" by the two coaches who will choose their teams of eight from the winners.
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Comments (9)
Love it! Love it!
Go get em, Yenta!!!
1 of 9 | Posted by bmcl | Posted on September 20, 2008 12:45 PM
Yenta! You're Back!! Yippee!!
And you're so right about breaking up Jewish boys--my sons are a nightmare to break up when they get into it.
Funny, funny recap...I'm so looking forward to reading the next one...
2 of 9 | Posted by rosesarered | Posted on September 20, 2008 2:19 PM
You dont no nothing about MMA
there real athletes and unless you can get in the ring you shouldnt be writing
And you shouldnt call people Jewish
3 of 9 | Posted by jujitsuking | Posted on September 21, 2008 5:54 AM
Jujitsuking: I'm guessing they don't call you JuKing for short? XOXO It will all look better when you sober up, I promise.
Bmcl and Rosesarered: Love you guys, thanks for the sweet words.
Hugs,
Yenta
4 of 9 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:19 AM
Great recap! (But, be prepared for some harsh comments - "fan" is short for fanatic, after all)
I'm a long time UFC fan and long thought it was perfect fodder for 'gasm.
I think Dana is smart - many of the contestants - not so much. They are genuine atheletes, though.
They are put under tremendous pressure, sequestered in a rented house, deprived of TV-books-phones... and supplied with seemingly endless alcohol. What could go wrong?
Looking forward to the season - and to your unique takes on it!
5 of 9 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:25 AM
Hey Fire@will,
Thanks for the warning. I've had the same concerns and thought long and hard before deciding to try my hand at recapping the show. But, I really wanted to recap something that inspired some honest emotion in me.
I actually used to be a huge boxing and kickboxing fan and I've been watching the UFC for a while. I have a lot of respect for serious, trained fighters. However, for me, the UFC feels like it's in a gray area, with more big strong psycho's than honest hard trained athletes. That being said, I still watch every season, mainly out of curiosity. And I agree, Dana has to be smart. He's built this thing into a huge business, and he does it by successfully managing deranged individuals...
I'm definitely hoping for your insight on some of the more serious fights and I'm totally psyched that you're a fan of the show,
Hugs,
Yenta
6 of 9 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on September 21, 2008 4:13 PM
Yenta,
I have to agree with fire@will that the fighters in the UFC are true atheletes. Of course like in any atheletic endeavor, there are going to be knuckleheads. For every Rich Franklin, there are five Chris Lebens. The ones who get ahead in the sport are usually intelligent, responsible people. Unfortunely those people do not go on The Ultimate Fighter.
I enjoyed your recap and found it highly amusing. I have been a fan of boxing and MMA for many years - if you have a question about the sport, please put it in a comment on one of the recaps.
Keep up the good work!
7 of 9 | Posted by Hey Buddy | Posted on September 22, 2008 12:13 PM
yenta, stay strong honey, you did a fine job, I especially loved the Geico jab, that was worth some inadvertent peeing.
I have big problems with UFC and their ilk... mostly because they can get away with straddling each other the way they do (but that's not at all gay-looking) and yet I could be walking down the street minding my own bidness and still have some asshole (in a UFC be-stickered truck) zoom by and yell out "faggot!" while either throwing a half-empty beer bottle at me or attempting to run me over. (This is, BTW, a true story.) Shit like that gets annoying.
I love you, though, so there.
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 9 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 22, 2008 1:19 PM
Hey Buddy, I will definitely be posting some technical questions to you regarding rules and techniques. Thank you so much for posting :)
J-Mo, I am so sorry you had to deal with that akhzer (out of respect for Flipit I couldn't write the word in English--but it's a bad one). I'll keep an eye out to do something avenging for you.
Love you too...
Hugs Yenta
9 of 9 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on September 22, 2008 1:58 PM