Testimonials

Now, I'm a little confused on the timeline, but I think it's the next afternoon and the chicos are being swept away in their white limo to have some fun at the club Chapter 8. The club is empty and the chicos seat themselves at a table full of shrimp and veggies and what Berto calls an "amazing dinner". The chicas give squeals of "Ooh, champagne," or maybe that was little Enrique. Then, surprise, here comes that bionic, bouncing force of nature, Charo, with the exciting news that the headliner for that night's show is going to be the chicos, in like...hmmm...10 minutes. Wheee, won't this be fun!!! Meanwhile, the chicos are seriously breaking down as a group. Roseny tells us in a restrained panic that, OMG, she just did not feel that they were there yet. Okay, so not quite a full out breakdown; the editors go to Jenn for that. Jenn tells us flat out, and I'm going to the quote so as not to dilute the poignancy of the moment, that she, "felt like I had to pee. I felt like I had to do number two." And, if that's not panic, I don't know what is.

Did I share too much? Sometimes they tell me I share too much.

The chicos rush backstage for makeup and costumes and bathrooms. Hair gets slicked back, glitter gets applied and everybody gets powder. In addition, little Enrique gets something special, he gets his own little slicked back rat tail. Gisel is strapping on her stiletto sandals and whining that that her ankle is going to restrict her dancing, but it's hard for me to summon up much sympathy for her.

Grammy nominated singing sensation Maria Conchita appears to host the evening and her makeup is both memorable and dramatic. Whoever invented the four inch eyelash is a genius; rarely does a woman get so much effect for so little. I think it's safe to say that Maria Conchita is either doing this segment blind, or she's got the strongest eyelids on the face of the earth.

If you look really close, you can see the wires raising her eyelids.

Accompanying her as her "spicy distraction" is the actor Emilio Rosso. You might remember him from his appearances in such great movies as 30,000 Leagues Under the Sea and The Sweep. Unfortunately, I've got to say that he's not showing the elegance and grace that I would expect in Maria Conchita's escort. He takes his seat in their booth and the camera shows him munching away and staring blankly at Maria Conchita. Maria Conchita then introduces our favorite choreographer, good old Serg. Followed by the great woman who brought the Hoochee Coochee to the US of A; Charo her f**king spectabulous self. Charo appears, looking like she stole the designs for one of Barbie's dresses, and Maria Conchita's date stares in disbelief as Charo and Maria greeting each other with the coocheee choochee 1,2,3 pelvic salutation.

How ya doing? Good. You? Oh, just fine.

The first contestants up are Enrique and Jenn and I've got to say that Jenn is smoking hot and Enrique is, well, kind of flailing. Jenn pretty much eats him alive. The words to the first lyric of their song are hysterical.

"What about your lover ?" Enrique asks.

"He means nothing to me," Jenn assures him.

"But he's my brother," Enrique protests.

"Please don't speak," Jenn commands.

Afterward, Jenn is seriously pissed that Enrique did not perform up to par and grabbed the wrong hand when he was supposed to be leading. Honey, this poor guy didn't have a prayer in hell of leading you, he was just holding on for dear life. Enrique, used to disappointing women, isn't even phased by this turn of events and calmly tells us that he's just giving Jenn her space to cool off.

It looks like he's hailing a cab to get out of bad neighborhood.

Roseny and Geovannie are up next and it quickly becomes apparent that Roseny's singing has gone rapidly downhill since their rehearsal. Geovannie is even worse and, of course, there's some laughing from the audience. Then, they perform the most sterile version of a flamenco. Ever. Really. The puritan pilgrims probably had a firmer grip on sexy dancing than these two. For the majority of the dance, Roseny and Geovannie manage to completely ignore each other. Finally at the end, Geovannie approaches Roseny and she awkwardly hooks her leg around him and he drags her off the stage. Okay, so maybe a pilgrim wouldn't do the leg hooking part, but for the rest, I'm telling you the Ice Princess prevailed.

I think the Fonz and Laverne once did this on Happy Days.

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Posted in Viva Hollywood! by YentaPatrol at 1:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: yentapatrol on May 16, 2008 07:54 AM.