The chicos look on in horror as Uncle Walty's image disappears and then in shocked surprise as Uncle Walty appears in person. The three chicos freak out with the same religious fervor they might show if the pope walked into the room. Berto tells us that he didn't know what to do so he kissed Uncle Walty, adding that he smelled really nice. Two things strike me about this. First, Berto's really got to stop kissing people when he doesn't know what else to do. And, Second, it's impressive as hell that Uncle Walty still smells nice after wearing the same muumuu for the last seven episodes. Jenn jumps up and down in excitement displaying the dress that she has chosen to wear for finale day. This is not a brand that I recognize off hand but I think it's fair to say that the designer was clearly inspired by thoughts of what Pocahontas might have worn if she had been a stripper in her spare time.
Poca whaaaaattttt?
Now that he's been released from the picture frame, Uncle Walty has generously agreed to give them all private readings. Apparently, the chicos have waited their entire lives for a reading from Uncle Walty, but first, he gets to change his clothes and I have to say that I approve of the soothing bluish shades of the new muumuu.
After a quick peek under the muumuu Gisel can no longer face Uncle Walty.
So, now it's time to hear Uncle Walty's psychic insights for each of our contestants and I'm pumped. I've always wanted to go to a psychic but I've never had the guts. I want to hear him expose secret thoughts, skeletons in the closet and make major predictions. I want him to freak me out and impress me with these readings. Sadly, that's not going to happen. Uncle Walty's revelations reveal nothing more to me than the fact that he has been watching carefully from his place in the picture frame. I'm guessing that each a character analysis could have been provided by any of the three of us that actually watch the show. He doesn't even predict the winner, which I guess he really shouldn't, but instead of avoiding the topic, he hedges saying that two of the chicos received the sun card for success. And those chicos are...Gisel and Berto. I'm telling you if Gisel beats out Jenn I'm going to be seriously annoyed. I might even boycott VH1 for like a whole week.
After the Uncle Walty readings, Carlos announces that the coach for the finale challenge will be Cheech Marin. Now this is more like it. I remember the Cheech and Chong movies like they were yesterday and count them as having had an important influence on my formative years. As a matter of fact, some memories of my formative years are decidedly hazy due to their influence.
A young Cheech disproves the law of 40 joints to an ounce
Cheech has got to be pretty old by now, but he's aging pretty damn gracefully; probably due to the undiscovered embalming effects of living in a cloud of burnt vegetative matter. Cheech tells the chicos that their challenge will involve them reenacting scenes from the house with each contestant playing a different personality. The first scene will recreate Silvia's leaving and Geovannie's break down with Jenn going ghetto girl on him. Jenn will be playing Silvia, Berto will be playing Geovannie and Gisel will be playing Jenn. To add a twist, the characters of Silvia and Geovannie will be madly in love.
The second scene is based on Vinci refusing to play the gay love scene with Berto. Berto will be playing Vinci, Jenn will be playing Berto, and Gisel will be playing Roseny. The twist is that Vinci and Berto are lovers and are refusing to play a heterosexual love scene, while Roseny is trying to assign them roles.
Then Cheech drops the bomb that the loser of this challenge will be going home immediately. No duel, no second chance, just muerto, caput, for some unlucky chico. With those encouraging words, Cheech hands them their scripts and leaves them to get into their makeup and rehearse.
Okay, let me say right up front that this has to be the worst makeup team ever. I mean ever. It looks like they smoked some of Cheech's stash, broke into a drag queens attic, and decided to get dressed up. Jenn complains that Gisel dressed up as her looks like a drag queen.
The love child of Cruella Deville and Howard Stern
Berto has on the cheesiest toupe ever.
What happens when you skin the ass off a skunk and put it on your head
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Comments (5)
Nice recapping. I only saw part of one episode - the one where Berto carried his partner in the gay scene - and I thought Berto had a strong chance of winning (even if I didn't care).
Obvioiusly, I didn't consider the show worth my time, but your recaps were.
I vote to double your wages!
1 of 5 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 1, 2008 8:07 AM
fire@will: Thanks for the kind words...Us recappers love us some kind words : )
I'll remember to tell Flipit to double my salary, but, alas, two times nothing is still nothing.
Hugs,
Yenta
2 of 5 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on June 2, 2008 11:32 AM
Is that person in the picture a drag queen? Seriously, is that a woman or a man or a shman??
3 of 5 | Posted by BBFanatic | Posted on June 2, 2008 1:11 PM
Hey Yenta, great recap as usual. I hadn't posted because I can't post from my phone and was having problems with my internet...Anyways, yay! Berto won!!!! Also I was really glad that Gisel was the one who got eliminated and also I think it was kind of pathetic that she would ask that of him in the final "Duelo". Good to see that the two finalists were puertoricans lol though I think that Berto must have a little dominican blood in him. I will miss these recaps but most of all I'll miss... Carlos :( Till the next trainwreck :)
4 of 5 | Posted by michypr | Posted on June 3, 2008 8:41 AM
Also, Gisel looks like a tranny.
5 of 5 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on June 3, 2008 8:43 AM