After the commercial break and a quick refill of my margarita, Maria Conchita thanks Cheech for participating on the show. Being a classy guy, Cheech tells the chicos that no matter what happens, he's sure they will be successful. Then, apparently having more time to fill than footage to fill it, the editors simply replay the clip of Maria Conchita's critique before the break. At first I'm thinking that I'm just confused and Maria Conchita is simply summarizing, but no, it's the same segment played over. Except that at the end, instead of going to a commercial about the Macy's Memorial Day Sale, we get to see Maria Conchita telling Gisel that she's Muerto. Caput. On her way out, for the first time Gisel sounds a little gracious saying that she lost to two people who worked harder than her and deserved it more. I honestly hope that Gisel finds peace and happiness in the world, maybe selling real estate or cars in Miami.
Maria Conchita congratulates the Berto and Jenn, telling them that tomorrow morning she'll have a breakfast with each of them and then they'll duel. Berto and Jenn go back to the bedroom and toast. Then we suddenly move into the traditional pre-match Ultimate Fighting Championship scene, complete with the pounding music, where the contender paces the floor, punches his coach or the air and generally psychs himself up. Except that instead of a mixed martial art guy, we get Berto leaning over the sink, pacing with his hands behind his head, and telling us that he's going to have to come hard at Jenn because it's going to be a fight. You know, even if the duel was going to be a UFC match, my money would still be on Jenn.
Berto visualizes a clean bitchslap followed by some technical hair pulling.
The next morning, Jenn has received a makeover, complete with a new hairstyle, and she's looking pretty fabulous as she goes off to her breakfast date with Maria Conchita. Jenn tells us that her goal for the breakfast is to convey that she's a roller coaster because her life's a roller coaster, but that there are still lots of levels to her. Hmmmm, I'm not sure about this plan. I'd personally stick with the 'I'm the best actor in the house' approach, but that's just me.
Maria Conchita channels Tyra and takes a moment to ask Jenn's feeling. Jenn sighs that she's both nervous and emotional. Maria Conchita nods and looks a little bored. Personally, I'd be thinking about switching game plans, but no matter, Jenn stays on course and launches into the drama of her past year. Apparently, Jenn has some financial issues that involve "the creditors" going into her account and emptying out her money. This is not a good thing. I'm not even sure what circumstances, outside of child support or civil judgments, could cause this to happen. In addition, her cousin died. Okay, so her year truly sucked. But Maria Conchita's seen many worse years in her life. She tells Jenn that everybody has the right to be depressed sometimes, but we must remember that there are so many people in the world suffering so much more than we are. Then, the editors do the drum equivalent of an "Oh Snapp!" Jenn looks a little taken aback and is probably wishing that she hadn't played the sympathy card. Maybe, it would have gone better if she had chosen another topic like tequila. You know, Maria Conchita likes her tequila.
I just ate the worm.
Berto comes to breakfast next and he's feeling a little stressed. He tells us that he's really hungry, but he's too nervous to find the cream, much less eat. After managing to seat himself and navigate his way around the food, Berto mentions that he's never auditioned for telenovelas. Maria Conchita smiles and is all like, of course you haven't. Silly boy, you don't have the look of a telenovela actor. Understandably, this kind of throws Berto. But, Maria Conchita's just playing with him and apparently she's feeling a little frisky as well. She continues, telling him, "I don't usually like bald men, but you're very sexy and I wouldn't mind..." And then, as food is dropping out of Berto's open mouth, Maria Conchita laughs and is all like, "Psych!" "Just kidding!"
No, really, I can make the cameras go away.
Just in case you're worried that Berto is bothered by this:
Berto's girlfriend has got to be have Lorraine Bobbit fantasies.
« Celebracadabra: Such a Drag | Main | Last Comic Standing: And Hilarity Ensues »
Comments (5)
Nice recapping. I only saw part of one episode - the one where Berto carried his partner in the gay scene - and I thought Berto had a strong chance of winning (even if I didn't care).
Obvioiusly, I didn't consider the show worth my time, but your recaps were.
I vote to double your wages!
1 of 5 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on June 1, 2008 8:07 AM
fire@will: Thanks for the kind words...Us recappers love us some kind words : )
I'll remember to tell Flipit to double my salary, but, alas, two times nothing is still nothing.
Hugs,
Yenta
2 of 5 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on June 2, 2008 11:32 AM
Is that person in the picture a drag queen? Seriously, is that a woman or a man or a shman??
3 of 5 | Posted by BBFanatic | Posted on June 2, 2008 1:11 PM
Hey Yenta, great recap as usual. I hadn't posted because I can't post from my phone and was having problems with my internet...Anyways, yay! Berto won!!!! Also I was really glad that Gisel was the one who got eliminated and also I think it was kind of pathetic that she would ask that of him in the final "Duelo". Good to see that the two finalists were puertoricans lol though I think that Berto must have a little dominican blood in him. I will miss these recaps but most of all I'll miss... Carlos :( Till the next trainwreck :)
4 of 5 | Posted by michypr | Posted on June 3, 2008 8:41 AM
Also, Gisel looks like a tranny.
5 of 5 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on June 3, 2008 8:43 AM