Looks like we're going to find out the answer to question number one first, as Bischoff struts down to the ring carrying the WWE title belt. Since it appears to be of the non-spinning variety, this can't be good for the champ. And indeed it isn't, as Eric tells us he has a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT about the very title belt he's holding. BUT FIRST... He invites your Olympic hero, Kurt Angle, down to the ring. Having soured on the Bomb Pop look, tonight Kurt's sporting a new black mouthpiece, which makes him look like he has no teeth. Backstage, Trevor Murdoch's banjo starts a-pickin'...

After weeks of being outsmarted by Cena, Bischoff decides he's just going to strip him of the title and hand it over to Angle. He'd have gotten away with it too, if weren't for those meddling kids. And by meddling kids, I mean of course Mr. Vincent K. McMahon.

Vince interrupts Eric and says he has his own MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT to make. (Can't these guys coordinate their schedules a little better? Two MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS in the first five minutes means no more MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS for the rest of the show.) McMahon informs Bischoff he doesn't have the authority to strip Cena of the title, and asks Eric to explain what happened last night. Bischoff then cries until McMahon tells him to shut the hell up! Vince's major announcement: Kerwin White isn't really white! Actually, he announces that in two weeks WWE Raw is moving back to USA Network with a special three-hour homecoming show (three hours? The wife is going to kill me!) featuring a lot of former WWE superstars coming home. (Get it?) The list includes, but is not limited to, Mick Foley! Triple H! Papa Smurf! Hulk Hogan! Stone Cold Steve Austin! Carrot Top! And, of course, the WWE's newest entry in the "White Trash" division, Sean Preston Spears Federline!!

Please, somebody, kill me.

He also announces a special Championship Match for WWE's Homecoming between John Cena and... Eric Bischoff. Great. The biggest night in RAW history and the top match is between a white rapper and an even whiter manager? I can't wait.

After the break, Bischoff is seen chasing Mr. McMahon out of the arena, begging him to drop the match. McMahon agrees to think about it, then gets in the limo. Before driving off, McMahon rolls down the window and tells Bischoff he's thought about it, and Bischoff still has to fight Cena. In yo face, Frosty Top!

(1) Trish Status Pins Torrie Wilson And that's all I have to say about that.