Oh my god! Fresh off his stint selling advertising in Atlanta, former ECW-announcer Joey Styles is in the booth tonight. I hope he gets to announce a Hardcore match. Oh my god! And I hope they get him a phonebook to sit on too, because next to King and Coach, he looks just like Little Lord Fauntleroy.

The show kicks off with all the wrestlers standing outside the ring. General manager Eric Bischoff's music hits, and he comes down to the ring dressed as an undertaker. Not The Undertaker, mind you, but an undertaker. Who died? Oh yeah, RAW's creativity.

Bischoff is here to talk about the upcoming Survivor Series PPV. He's already made the following matches: John Cena versus Kurt Angle for the Championship and Ric Flair versus Triple H in a Last Man Standing match. There will also be a 10-man match pitting five of RAW's superstars versus five of SmackDown's. Representing RAW will be the new Tag Team champs, Big Show and Kane, along with the captain of Team RAW, HBK. Bisch asks the remaining superstars who's going to step up and take one for join the team...

Carlito gets his hand up first, so Bisch gives him the microphone. Carlito really, really wants to be on Team RAW. So much so he'll even give up the Cabana! (That's not cool.) "Dammit Jim Eric, Carlito's a doctor. Not a talk-show host. Wait, that's not cool. I mean, Carlito's a wrestler... Carlito's the best wrestler here, and the biggest superstar on RAW," he tells Eric. This sounds cool to the Bisch, but not so much to Shelton Benjamin. "Are you high?" he asks Carlito. He says Team RAW needs the world's greatest athlete. Since Jan-Michael Vincent isn't available, however, he says it should be him. Fair enough. Eric makes a match between Carlito and Shelton, the winner getting a spot on Team RAW.

Since Team RAW is still without a bonafide backwoods rapist, Bischoff hands the microphone to Murdoch. He says he and Cade were screwed at Taboo Tuesday, and they should be on Team RAW instead of Big Show and Kane. "We're better than either one of those freaks," he says, adding, "I only rape hunters. Kane raped a dead cheerleader." Ha ha, charade you are, Mr. Murdoch. Murdoch wants to "reinvokasize" their rematch clause, and demands a Hardcore match with the new champs. Kane and Big Show are laughing at this. Cade isn't. Still, as Joey Styles points out, using weapons is the only chance Cade and Murdoch have at winning this match.

Gregory "Don't Call Me Hurricane" Helms also wants to be on Team RAW. Not only that, he wants a match with the person who's been holding him back for two years, "that fat piece of garbage over there, Rosie O'Donnell." Of course, he's really talking about just plain Rosey, but my idea would be so much more fun to recap.

| Next Page...  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums Posted by copygodd on November 8, 2005 4:30 PM