I wish I couldn't see them.
Tonight marked the end of RAW's five-year run on Lifetime for Men, otherwise known as Spike TV. And what a long, strange five years it's been. I just hope that the show's return to the USA Network means a return to the RAW of old. Because tonight's episode would've been more at home on my local cable access channel.
Vince McMahon opens the show by promising a championship match, but first he has a few announcements to make. He starts by thanking Spike TV for five great years. And how does Spike repay him? But bleeping out ten seconds of his speech, then continuing to censor the show throughout the rest of the broadcast. Jebus, who's running Spike's dump button? Pig Vomit? I kept expecting JR to starting enunciating "W-ENNNN-B-C." Audio dropouts, "Technical Difficulties" screens, you name it, if there were a way for Spike to ruin the broadcast, they tried it. Unfortunately, if they really wanted to ruin it, all they needed to do was let the show run uninterrupted. Yes, it was that bad.
Kurt Angle interrupts Vince to complain about not being in the championship match at next week's Homecoming event on USA. Angle says since he beat Cena at Unforgiven, he deserves the title shot. Vince says Angle makes a good point, and seems ready to grant Angle the match, when he's interrupted by HBK. "Hold on a second, Moneybags," HBK says. And it's all downhill from there. Eventually, after a bit of verbal sparring with Angle ("I beat you first!" "I beat you worse!"), Vince makes a 30-minute Iron Man match for next week's Homecoming special on USA. The person who scores the most pinfalls in 30 minutes wins the match and whatever's behind Curtain #3.
Both men satisfied, Vince introduces the championship match he'd alluded to earlier: Trish Stratus versus Victoria.
(1) Trish Stratus defeats Victoria via DQ to retain Women's Championship I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of this match. Probably because it's been so long since RAW has featured two women in a match who actually know how to fake-wrestle. Of course, they had to ruin it right afterward by having Torrie, Candice and Ashley get involved. Eventually, Ashley and Trish rip off Candice's dress, stripping her down to her bra and panties. For some reason, this totally sets Candice off. "Have you ever been humiliated on national TV, Ashley?" asks the former Playboy model, as if she doesn't strip down to her bra and panties every other week of her own volition. "Well, you're going to be, cuz next week on RAW's Homecoming special we're going to have a Bra and Panties match." That'll be on the USA Network, in case you were wondering.
"I'm not worthy."
(2) Big Show defeats Snitsky in a Street Fight A Street Fight is the same as a Hardcore Match, except it's Old School. By which I mean it doesn't have the words "Hard" or "Core" involved. Basically, anything goes, and the wrestlers are allowed to bring weapons into the ring. This usually involves trash cans, trash can lids, street signs and an assortment of other metal items that bend and go bang. If nothing else, these matches are fun to watch, as outside of Bum Fights it's not often you get to watch someone smash a stop sign over someone else's head. Tonight, however, was something special. Snitsky hit Big Show with everything but the proverbial kitchen sink, and still couldn't put the giant down. So Big Show reaches under the ring and pulls out - what else? A kitchen sink. One shot to Snitsky's head and the match is over.
Yes, that is going to leave a mark.
After the break, Ric Flair comes out to talk about the beating he took at the hands of Chris Masters and Carlito last week. "I've been jumped from behind more times than Coach at a taping of Scared Straight," he says. Okay, he didn't really say that about Coach. But he has been jumped a lot. And he's always got even. "Back in the day, I had help from the Four Horsemen. Today, however, it only takes one." At that, Flair walks backstage to grab a bottle of Prell and case of Evian. Ooh, he must be talking about Triple H! Actually, he grabs a sledgehammer, but he's still talking about Triple H, who will be making his return next week at Homecoming on USA.
« Every Rose Has Its Thorn | Main | Take My Breath Away »
Comments (5)
God pro-wrestling sucks. It's sucks so bad. They didn't even give you any good material to work with. Is it true that Rick Flair used to be with Busto from BB6 but dumped her when he found out that she's actually older than he is?
1 of 5 | Posted by realiTV fan | Posted on September 27, 2005 10:54 AM
Thanks for noticing. These writers are killing me.
I think Busto broke into the business as the Fabulous Moolah's manager.
2 of 5 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on September 28, 2005 10:36 AM
It's a sad state when the signs are better than the show. Did you see the one when Mr McMahon came out - 'It the boss - look busy'?
3 of 5 | Posted by neighbor_steve | Posted on September 28, 2005 12:54 PM
Does anyone still watch pro wrestling any more? Personally, I got turned off it after I sat on a remote control while watching some porn with the sound off, and didn't notice for a good ten seconds. It was a men's match :(
4 of 5 | Posted by hecklerspray | Posted on September 28, 2005 2:17 PM
Not sure about the USA thing as all I heard was silence when those ass hats at spike bleeped em out...
I do hope that the writing gets better though... It should have gotten better with the draft but in stead it got worse... Smackdown is becoming a better show and that is not saying much...
5 of 5 | Posted by norsegod | Posted on September 29, 2005 7:57 AM