Testimonials

Eric Bischoff is seen talking to someone on his cell phone when Cena comes in and interrupts. Turns out Cena's been doing a little Internet research on Frosty Top and found out Eric knows martial arts. Maybe next week's match won't be as easy as Cena thought. Wait, Cena knows kung-fu too. Ah-ha! Sadly, reading this is still better than watching it was. I hope Cena's funnier once RAW moves to the USA Network.

(3) Kerwin White defeats Shelton Benjamin via Pinfall Poor Shelton Benjamin. This time last year, he was getting an unbelievable push. Twelve months later and he's reduced to fighting a bleached-blonde Hispanic who claims to represent all of "Middle America" because he golfs. Over the past week, Kerwin White hired a caddie. A stupid caddie, evidently, as Kerwin is still driving the golf cart himself. Dumbass. Shelton shows off his lack of mic skills with some lame "You got a caddy to carry your clubs and wash your balls" smack, and then the match is on. Fortunately, it's not on for long, as the Caddy grabs Shelton's foot, which enables Kerwin to get a cheap pin. Afterward, the two white guys beat down the black guy with a golf club. Celebrate diversity indeed.

Commercial Don't do drugs or you'll lose your sister at the carnival. Lucky for me my sister's 35 and can find her own way home.

Edge and Lita come out to promote next week's Ladder Match between Edge and Matt Hardy on the USA Network's Homecoming special. Lita's wearing a neck brace, which still doesn't prevent her from looking like a slut. Or talking like an idiot, as she offers to "go out on a whim" about the upcoming match. Speaking of idiots, Edge climbs to the top of the ladder and starts talking about how next week he'll become a "career-killer." Other things Edge kills: my enthusiasm for his character. Matt sneaks out and tips Edge off the ladder. As Lita backs up the ramp, Matt mimes climbing the ladder and opening the briefcase. Sadly, it's the best promo he's ever delivered.

Eric Bischoff is interrupted backstage by Teddy Long, general manager of Smackdown! For a change, Teddy doesn't want a match for Rodney Mack; instead, he just wants to holla at playas. Hollahollaholla! Can you feel that? Here's something else Teddy would like Eric to feel: a Smackdown! match at next week's Homecoming special on USA. Of course, Eric says no, only to have Vince come in and overrule him. After Teddy leaves, Eric tries to get out of his match against Cena next week on USA's Homecoming special. Instead of letting him out of the match, Vince channels Martha Stewart, reminding Eric he's one ruthless son-of-a-bitch. "And that's a good thing. That's a very good thing." He then shows Eric how to make proper crème brulee and a toothbrush shiv.

(5) Val Venis and Big Vis defeat Cade and Murdoch via DQ Val's wearing green trunks, while Vis is wearing a green muumuu. Cade is wearing black tights, while Murdoch is dressed as Larry the Cable Guy. It's the Porn Star and the Lover versus the Redneck and the Rapist! (Yes, I know in many states that last combination is redundant.) The highlight of this match is a sign in the crowd: Hide your sheep -- It's Murdoch!

Carlito and Chris Masters are discussing their TexasTornadoTagTeamTablesMatch against John Cena and HBK later that night. Masters keeps asking Carlito to speak English, which only makes Carlito more unintelligible. Turns out he's afraid of getting splinters if he goes through a table. That's not cool. "No problem," Masters assures him. "We just need a 'Master Plan'..." Get it? Cuz his name is "Masters"? Man, I bet Spike is sad to see RAW leaving for the USA Network...

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Posted in WWE/RAW by copygodd at 9:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: norsegod on Sep 29, 2005 07:57 AM.

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