The episode actually started off on a fairly decent note, with a three-way match between HBK, the Big Show and Kane. Of course, the announcing team's constant insistence on describing the match as "historic" got a little old. I don't think a lot of fans have been staying up late praying for this match. Of course, not many fans have been staying up late praying for a skit featuring Vince forcing his way into JR's ass with the Jaws of Life either, but that didn't stop them from doing it. HBK wins the match with some well-timed Sweet Chin Music.
Next up, we get some footage of John Cena at a NASCAR event. There's a cross-promotion I never expected to see. According to Cena, going really fast in a car "feels like you crapped your pants." I feel like I just crapped in my mouth a little.
Time to pimp the next PPV, Taboo Tuesday. A countdown clock pops up in the left corner, telling us how much time's left before we can start voting. Meanwhile, to set up voting for the match between Coach and Stone Cold Steve Austin, the King asks the crowd what they think of the Coach. Not much, evidently. Next he asks if they want to see a replay of Coach getting beer dumped on his head from last week. This they're interested in. King reveals the choices for the Coach and Stone Cold's Taboo Tuesday match: A verbal debate, arm wrestling or a street fight. Hmm, wonder which it'll be...
Coach is not happy with Lawler or the crowd. Or Stone Cold, for that matter, and he decides to go down to the ring and call Stone Cold out. Did Steph lend the Coach her balls for the night? Here comes Stone Cold's truck down to the ring. Looks like Stone Cold's going to accept Coach's challenge. Nope, it's just Steph, who nearly trips over her implants trying to get out of the truck. Someone holds up a sign that reads "Coach is a popcorn fart." Unfortunately, this sets the tone for the rest of the evening.
During Coach and Steph's bit, the crowd starts chanting "slut!" at Stephanie. Her response? "It disappoints me that our fans can't be a little more original than just using the same old stuff." Hello, pot? It's the kettle. You're black.
Anyway, Steph tells Coach her dad would love to take his place at Taboo Tuesday. Evidently he's been taking steriods working out and has put on 20 pounds in the last two weeks alone! Before Coach can accept, however, Mrs. Foley's baby boy interrupts. Yes, it's Mick Foley, aka Mankind, aka Dude Love, aka Cactus Jack. (By the way, you can vote which incarnation Foley will be for his fight against Carlito at Taboo Tuesday on wwe.com.) Seems Mick just couldn't sit back and listen any longer to someone who's so full of crap. Steph points out that JR was full of crap, but after his successful colon surgery that's been taken care of. Foley doesn't think there's anything funny about colon surgery. If only Steph, Vince and the rest of the WWE writers felt the same way...
Mick and Steph argue a bit, then Carlito comes out. While Mick's bracing himself for Carlito's attack, Steph kicks him in the nutz. Carlito then beats him up some more, before spitting an apple in his face. Such is life as a Hardcore Legend...
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Comments (19)
Worse, if possible. During the Rock/Stone Cold/NWO/Hollywood Hogan/Sting in the rafters/Degeneration-X/Goldberg/Monday Night Wars glory days of the late 90's, so many non-fans were converted that I wish I had a buck for everybody who ever said, "NOW I know why you watch this stuff" to me.
Alas, the "I can't believe you watch this crap" days are back. I'm as close to jumping off the train as I've ever been in three decades of fandom.
1 of 19 | Posted by Mike | Posted on October 27, 2005 10:33 AM
WAAAAAAAH!
Get someone who loves RAW to recap RAW! WAAAAAAH!
/Desparate Housewives commenter
2 of 19 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on October 27, 2005 10:56 AM
The Vince/JR sugery skit...worst ever....i cant believe professionals actually wrote that...incredible.
I want some more matches and some actual wrestling....not 11 minutes like we got on RAW this week...PS vote for a verbal debate between austin and coach...that would be a slap in the face to WWE
3 of 19 | Posted by Eddie D | Posted on October 27, 2005 11:00 AM
I don't watch this show (or any pro wrestling - it depresses me). But when I initially saw that first image of the doctor holding the paper mache head, I thought "So is this what Charles Kimbrough from 'Murphy Brown' is doing these days?"
Then I got more depressed. (Thank God it's not him)
ha!
4 of 19 | Posted by ha! | Posted on October 27, 2005 11:29 AM
While "threw up a little in my mouth" is so old, I wonder if I could ever get tired of "crapped a little..." Yum; delicious dish!
5 of 19 | Posted by Bobbie | Posted on October 27, 2005 12:12 PM
this show blew like cabbage out of jr's colon
6 of 19 | Posted by joop | Posted on October 27, 2005 12:28 PM
great recap. hate that i missed the show.
7 of 19 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on October 27, 2005 12:47 PM
I stopped watching WWF in 1987...when I was 13. I am still glad about that decision. I read the recap cause I love your recaps, but shit, who watches wrestling?
LCD bullshit, and a nice NASCrap tie-in to boot. The US is fucked.
(By the way, don't think I'm elitist b/c I don't watch this trash...I watch plenty of other trash. I'm a Gasm addict for christ's sake. I watch ANTM and the Real World.)
8 of 19 | Posted by Mullethead | Posted on October 27, 2005 1:12 PM
Well timed sweet chin music?! HBK completly missed Kane for fucks sake! If you want good wrestling watch TNA
9 of 19 | Posted by J.R.'s diseased colon | Posted on October 27, 2005 1:25 PM
I actually think that Vince's skit was funny but it would of been awesome if Vince pulled a big 'ole ham out of J.R.'s ass and then Super Porky(of Smackdown's new division) came in grabbed it from Vince and took a big ass bite! Also the nurse was hot as hell!
10 of 19 | Posted by J.R.'s diseased colon | Posted on October 27, 2005 1:41 PM
wah indeed...
the well-timed kick hit the big show. the kick at kane was just a bit outside.
11 of 19 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on October 27, 2005 2:05 PM
Wow. It's like watching a trainwreck...only it wasn't a passenger train and nobody cares that it derailed. Nobody comes to clean it up or put it back on the tracks. Then it gets cancelled, only USA paid a lot of money to have it on the network so the train keeps on derailing.
Did I take that analogy too far? That's what it's like watching RAW. It went too far and it still wasn't funny.
12 of 19 | Posted by realiTV fan | Posted on October 27, 2005 2:32 PM
mullethead, stick to ANTM gramps, you know nothing about modern day wrestling.
13 of 19 | Posted by umad | Posted on October 27, 2005 2:39 PM
I agree. It was so bad, even though I was watching it live, I kept trying to fastforward it. Even though I hated Cena as a punk bad guy, he is getting way too wussie as a good guy. Kane isn't scary anymore after the whole Leta thing. All of the bad guys are just losers and the good guys are pansies. Maybe I should try TNA.
14 of 19 | Posted by Jennifer T. | Posted on October 27, 2005 2:44 PM
Nurse Slobbernockers wow
Anyone know her real name ?
15 of 19 | Posted by Me | Posted on October 30, 2005 7:27 AM
This is what happens when Vince and family get mor involved than they should and the creative staff decides to keep their mouths shut and keep their jobs when the boss says "Hey, I've got a great idea..."
16 of 19 | Posted by Bruce Goldinger | Posted on October 31, 2005 10:06 AM
"Hello, pot? It's the kettle. You're black."
I actually laughed out loud because of that line. I love you.
17 of 19 | Posted by DiosMuyBueno | Posted on November 3, 2005 9:26 PM
Holy crap I agree Hello,pot? It's the kettle, you're black....2FUNNY! As for RAW I grew up watching wrestling and quit watching in like "88". My "ex" actually got my son into watching it so I started,again. Its nothing like it used to be. Jennifer T is correct TNA is good. I will get up at 1am and record it for my son..........1am? whats that about??
18 of 19 | Posted by OMGIactuallywatchRAW | Posted on November 7, 2005 6:39 PM
I miss WCW good ole days, never knew what was going to happen on Nitro...Sh*t Vince McMahon could have showed up as an nWo Member!
19 of 19 | Posted by Tony Shavonie | Posted on November 9, 2005 2:11 PM